Controversial Topic Ahead -- Open Mind Requested
Alive. Feeling the blood coursing through your veins. Feeling that lift of curiosity and interest. Feeling that tinge of excitement, that thrill of adventure.
Alive. Feeling your senses sharpen. Finding beauty in unlikely places. Appreciating your environment, your people, your activities.
How do I feel when I feel alive? What makes my spirit soar? Why am I engaged?
Like so many aspects of our growing up, feeling alive isn’t something that we just occasionally happen on, but is something we can cultivate.
So how do I practice feeling alive? Well, the fact of the matter is I don’t. Feeling alive is effortless, automatic, when I am relaxed, peaceful, present and aware.
Sometimes, we have situations in our lives that feel overwhelming. We may feel like the situation dooms us, that there is no solution, or it is just too much to contend with, and so we ask ourselves bad creative questions like, “how can I avoid dealing with this?” or “how can I escape my problem?” And we come up with answers like, “I can be sick,” or “I can die.” The tricky part is that it’s often all unconscious; we are completely unaware that we are having those thoughts.
And then we get stuff. I remember backs going out on moving day. I remember horrible colds or stomach flu showing up on test days. I even remember falling asleep at my desk just moments before I was supposed to take an exam I didn’t feel prepared for. Seriously. Talk about avoidance.
Why do I choose to address my topics? How have I changed from having problems to coping with my situations?
I understand that this is a delicate topic for many of us. As I was coming to terms with it, I had a lot of feelings. I felt angry and ashamed at the thought that I might be the one making me sick. Never mind that it isn’t “me” but rather unconscious thoughts and beliefs that don’t support me, it felt like blaming the victim.
As I learned to speak “body” language, it got easier for me to accept. Backs are all about feeling supported. Shoulders are about carrying burdens. Necks are about emotional flexibility. Back when I was diagnosed with that acute chronic nervous tension, it looks like I was feeling over-burdened, like I was carrying the weight of the world. Uh, check. I was feeling emotionally rigid, my way or the highway. Um, check that one, too. And I felt like I had no support. Okay, double check.
Lately, I’ve been having stomach stuff. My body is telling me that I “can’t stomach” what’s going on, that I’m holding onto old crap, uh, so to speak, and maybe letting go of old crap, again, so to speak. These symptoms tell me that I need to slow down inside, and let stuff process a bit more. I know I can cope, but maybe I need to make some changes, shift things around a bit. Have I taken on more responsibility than my system likes right now? Do I need to be taking care of me differently? What are the things I “can’t stomach?”
By slowing down enough to consider these questions, I will be able to calm my GI system. By addressing the topics I discover, my body will not need to send me these very specific messages, and I can go back to being symptom free. And to feeling alive.
How have I changed from feeling sick to feeling alive?
(c) 2014 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02052014
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