Friday, February 14, 2014

Feudin’, Fussin’, an’ Fightin’

Feudin’, Fussin’, an’ Fightin’

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about the concepts around introvert and extrovert. There’s a lot of information out there on the Information Superhighway about these ideas, much of it is conflicting. And why do we care?

Well, I like a lot of alone time to feel balanced and centered. Took me years to figure that out, and living in a relatively big family, it was hard to come by. My mom loved being around people, and since we lived way out in the country, I was often the only people she had to be around. Conflict of interests? A bit. We made it work.

How do I love my family? What makes me patient? Why are my contacts successful?

Those intimate differences helped me look at us with a more tolerant eye. Even in the same families, we are different. We have different needs, different desires. We have different points of view, different likes and dislikes. Even in the same family.

I had a lot of thoughts about I’m right and you’re wrong, too. We are entitled to our opinions, and to disagree, but hating someone for their opinions, well, that’s a lot of energy you could use to sway them gently to your side.

What makes me respectful? How do I disengage from bad behavior? Why am I centered?

It’s in that little shift in attitude that stuff starts changing. In finding compassion for ourselves, and each other, in using our energy in ways that make stuff better rather than letting our inner 7 year old ventilate its spleen, these are the ways we make deep shifts in our thinkings, deep shifts in our interactions, deep shifts in our communities.

I figured out somewhere back there that part of my happiness comes from helping you find yours. Just thinking about that makes my heart-cockles get all warm and light. I know I can’t make you happy, but I can make an environment where you can allow your best self to emerge.I can model the tools and resources I find useful.  I mean, your best self is in there, longing for happiness and peace and your natural life. Mine is, too.

The more time I spend making room for me to be my best self, the more I get to live my natural life, and, boy howdy, do I love living there or what.

Our purpose in life is to be happy according to the Dalai Lama. I’ll take it. Our natural life is peaceful, joyful, relaxed and blissful. It is satisfying, contented, and creative. It is intimate, connected, and loving. It’s fun.

More and more of my days have periods of bliss, peace, intimacy, satisfaction. As I practice all the stuff I preach, my life gets easier, even when the circs seem like it would be awful. I have surrounded myself with besties who get it, I have carved out time for my daily practices, I plan plans not outcomes, so if something has to drop out, I don’t need to freak out.

Why would I choose to relax? How do I know I’m okay? What makes my life good?

By choosing to find ways to respect you, I will treat you better. When I find ways not to engage with you in bad behavior, the bad behavior shrivels like a worm on a hot sidewalk.
When I clean up my act, your behavior will change.

How have I changed from hating, pushing away, criticizing, and fighting to feeling respectful, compassionate, and clear?

(c) Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02142014

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