Want-Power

Want-Power

Why do I like what I do? This is a challenging question for a bunch of us. We don’t like what we do, or we feel ashamed or guilty about what we do. Or we feel like we aren’t living up to our potential, or we feel like fakes. Oh, there are lots of things we think and feel about what we do.

So what do we do about what we do?

I was really fortunate in that I had a wonderful teacher who told me what to do, or what to stop doing, and I mostly did what she said. It was great. It was also scary and challenging. But I did it.

There were several tricks I used that really helped. When I was looking for the “real” job, I would “act as if” I already had a real job, and not my 3 cool but crappy part time jobs. I would act as if I already knew how to dress for corporate America, as if I knew how to interview. I looked into these things, and made some changes and adjustments. Deciding first to act as if really helped me.

When looking to change other circumstances; habits, activities, unsupportive friendships; I decided I might not have all the answers and asked for help from people who seemed to get it. I tended to get similar kinds of advice from them all about a specific topic. Then, and this was the important part, I would do what they suggested. Novel concept.

The third trick, and maybe the most important trick, and one we will be working on our whole, happy lives, is knowing what I want.

How do I know what I want?

I cannot make a sustainable change if I don’t know what I want to change to.

The most effective internal piece is not will power, it’s want power. But I cannot harness my want power unless I know what I want.

For years I would cry, “But I don’t know what I want!” And my beloved teacher would say, “You do know.” Oh, she made me so mad! (I know. We can dissect that sentence later.)  And so I had to learn to stop, and think about what I wanted. I could sometimes get there by writing out my list of Don’t Wants and then kind of look at the shape of that list to get some hints about what I did want.

Sometimes, I would start with the list of little wants and then grow it.

Sometimes I would write a Be-Do-Have list. I love those! They are interesting and kind of challenging. The rule is simple. Write one hundred things you want to be, one hundred things you want to do, and one hundred things you want to have. As you accomplish, achieve, or acquire something on one of the lists, you cross it out and add a new thing. Hmm. Maybe it’s time for a new Be-Do-Have accounting!

When I have identified a big want, I can use want power to make that dream come true. I want to go on a trip more than I want that thing, for example. I want to feel slim more than I want that extra piece of cake. I want that task accomplished more than I want to play video games. You see what I’m getting at.

How have I changed from trying to use willpower to being successful with want-power?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 02032015