You Plus Me Equals One

You Plus Me Equals One

You and me, aren’t we interesting? What is a relationship, anyway? I love to have relationships, I like to think about relationships; it makes my brain feel kinda swirly. Be warned. The stuff that’s following is really deep.

Here’s why.

On the one hand, you and I are separate. We can never know what the other one is truly thinking, although we can get good at guessing. We can never know everything the other one has really been through, especially when the other one doesn’t remember herself. We can never know the entire scope of the other one because, thank goodness, it’s never completely tested.

On the other hand, you and I are one. This is where it gets weird. I can only know you through me. And what the heck does that mean? I cannot know what you have experienced, I can only know what I think your experience has been like. I cannot know what you are feeling, I can only know how I feel when I use the same words you use, or show the body language you show.

I can only see you through my filters. And that means that, no matter how different we are, you are a version of me to me, just as I am a version of you to you.

I don’t know about you, but that makes my relationships way more important to me because if I don’t like ‘em, I don’t like me. If you are driving me crazy, it’s got to do with me, my ways of looking at the world, my limitations, my degree of evolution.

I can’t change you, but I can change me, and when I do that, our relationship changes. It has to. The metaphor that I like is of a mobile, and we are the things hanging off it. When I change, my weight on the mobile changes, and that shifts everything.

If that doesn’t make your brain feel kinda swirly!

So what does it mean if on some really deep, cosmic level we are one? Well, for me, it changes how responsible I feel toward us. I am not responsible for you, but I am responsible to you. And what does that distinction mean?

I will do what I can to respect your beliefs, your actions, your body, your thoughts, your emotions. I will do what I can to treat you well and with kindness. I will be aware of my emo stuff and try not to project it onto you. I will do what I can to follow through on my commitments to you. I will be aware that you are vast in my experience, and have a thousand faces, a thousand dreams and fears and desires.

I cannot fix you. I cannot change you. I cannot make you be someone you aren’t. I can do these things for me, and trust that I use good judgment when I do, like not trying to be someone I’m not. All I can do is love you as you are, pray, or whatever word you prefer, for your well being, emo growth, and health, as I pray for my own. I will do what I can to help you if you need help. I will endeavor to be a role model for how to live a good life.

How have I changed from thinking we are separate to understanding that we are all one?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 02172015