Me to We

Me to We

Oh, relationships. They nourish us, connect us, soothe us, challenge us, tax us, test us, and move us forward. Or not.

Undeniably, we are in relationships of one kind or another all over the place. We have the very casual ones with the people we’ve never seen before, or the ones we see often; clerks, cashiers, baristas, bus drivers, neighbors from across the way: people whose names we may not even know, all the way to the person or people with whom we cherish and with whom we are most deeply intimate.

Some of us are really good at relationships. We have them easily, comfortably. We seem to always know what to say or do, we never seem to stumble, we seem to stay settled into our core.

And then there’s the rest of us.

I wouldn’t have any issues at all if it weren’t for relationships. Oh, except one: I would be utterly desolate.

For all the interesting stuff they bring to us, all the broken hearts and twisted guts, all the tears and numbness, and stuff, without relationships we could hardly exist.

Our primary relationship is the one with ourselves, and, of our intimate relationships, it is often the one we pay the least attention to.

We speak to ourselves in ways that would make the heart of another shrivel. We ignore our basic needs for quality nourishment, rest, movement, mental stimulation, spiritual, and other  joyful activities. We fault ourselves for all sorts of random things, and then impose harsh punishments. We strive to put the needs of others before our own. Bad stuff happens then.

When we are out of balance with ourselves, and in that place of doing only for everybody else, we feel crappy. We get resentful, and then feel guilty, so we shove that down. Ignoring stuff like that makes us physically sick.

When we are out of balance with ourselves, we end up making strange decisions, like potato chips for supper, or staying up until 2:00 AM, which sets us up to feel crappy again the next day, and the cycle gets way out of hand.

When we are out of balance with ourselves, our internal gyroscope will often adjust to us, rather than bring us back to center. We find ourselves getting used to stuff that’s bad, and feeling like living in Crazy Town is normal. One of the most amazing features of the human entity is our ability to adapt. One of our most dangerous features is our ability to adapt. It’s in that adapting that we often lose sight of our natural life, and then we forget what it was like. And we think this crappy life is normal.

By bringing ourselves back into balance, by noticing our thoughts, being aware and mindful of our actions, by being respectful to our own self, and to others, by relaxing, using Creative Questions, giving ourselves a bit of reflecting time, and so on, we can come back to balance, and in that space, feel joyful and free again.

How have I changed from thinking I am the worst pain in my own neck to treating me with loving kindness?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08072013