Friday, January 03, 2014

Abandoning the Emo Ghetto

Abandoning the Emo Ghetto

Today I drew the “Environment” card. Mostly when this card comes up, I like to think about our physical environments. But we have other environments in which we live. We have our internal environment that we create with the quality of our thoughts. We have our spiritual environment. And we have a social/emotional environment that we create with the people we surround ourselves.

Huh. That’s interesting. What kind of a social environment do you live in? Is it warm, and lively, and full? Is it cold, and grim, and full of drama? Is it almost empty? Is it crowded and lonesome?

Finding new ways to think about our old stuff can help us shift out from places we may be feeling stuck. So, let’s take a look at the people we fill our lives with.

In the dark ages, I knew some wonderful people; kind, loving, wise and generous, crazy talented. I also knew dark, grim, abusive, terrifying, miserable people who seemed to shun the light in favor of the dismal dank. They were often really interesting, and also crazy talented. Compelling. Seductive.

The deeper in I went, the fewer lovely people I knew, and the darker the folks were whom I was spending time with. A day that was just dark was a good day.

Soon, I’d stopped working days, and started working nights. In the winter, I never saw the sun. We were all so starved for attention, but all we could ask for was negative attention. I felt like I was full of a heavy, huge, black hole where my heart used to be.

When I decided to change my life, one of the things I had to do was change my social environment. I wanted to stop using alcohol and recreational drugs, so I needed to stop spending time with people who did. I wanted to be soul-happy, so I had to start looking for friends who got that. They didn’t need to be happy, just wanting to get there, willing to do something to get there.

For my own growth and well being I had to walk away from all my friends not once, but twice.

Why do I respect my people? What makes me choose to grow? How am I supported?

When I look at my people with an open and honest eye, what do I see? Do I see people who encourage me in my best? Or people with whom I love to trash talk, or misery merge, or share activities but not intimacy? Do I have friends, or bad-behavior buds?

It meant that I had to do some stuff. I had to choose people who seemed respectable, kind, and real. I had to choose to trust that, if I gave them a pointy stick and showed them where it would hurt me the most to poke, that they wouldn’t. I had to open my heart. Boy, was that door creaky!

On the one hand, I made a lot of mistakes. On the other hand, I found some wonderful friends who have weathered all my changes and interesting adventures for years.

Choosing our social environment is another step in choosing happiness, another piece of becoming a grownup. Choosing intimacy is an act of courage. Taking responsibility for all our environments helps us make our lives easy, makes it easy to relax, to move into peaceful, to accept and allow our lives to flow.

How have I changed from living in an emotional ghetto to choosing to live in a place of warmth, understanding, and love?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 01032104

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