Friday, June 19, 2015

How to Lose the Losesr

How to Lose the Loser

Why do so many of us feel like we are losers? It’s so sad. For some of us, our adults regaled us with negative emotional judgments. For some of us, we learned to compare ourselves unfavorably to others. There are other reasons; you may know yours. For me, I learned that there was nothing I could try at which I wouldn’t fail. It was pounded into my head, first by some of my adults, and later, just me by my own self. My belief made trying to progress in my life very challenging.

Some of us believe we are losers almost to our core, but try to fight it so hard by acting as if we are better than everyone. We are constantly putting down those around us as incompetents, terrified to look at how inadequate we feel, terrified that someone will notice what losers we are.

Opposite sides of the same, fundamental belief; that we are not good enough, that we are losers. A belief based on mislearning.

What does that mean; a belief based on mislearning?

Our beliefs are simply the filters through which we view the world. We hold them dear, we treat them as Truth. Occasionally they are True, that is, True for everyone, but mostly they are just ideas we’ve taken on. Some beliefs, like the notion that infinity is infinite, not more or less infinite, is a belief that is pretty benign. It doesn’t matter that it isn’t Truth. A belief like “I am a loser” is both false and pretty damaging.

So what do we do with a belief like that? We change it. Sometimes changing a belief is easy peasy. Just a simple challenge can be enough to send a bad belief packing. Sometimes, we need to chip away at a bad belief, and that’s why Creative Questions are so helpful.

Why am I so successful? How do I know I win? What makes me feel triumphant? How have I changed from feeling like a loser to knowing I am victorious? Why do I own my success? Why am I proud of me?

Sometimes, we don’t really know what we believe. I know, that is kind of weird, but it’s true. Finding out is so important if we want to change them to supportive beliefs. It’s pretty simple, although not necessarily easy.

To discover what you believe about yourself, notice what you tell yourself about you. One of my favorites was “What’s wrong with you?” There were many variation on that question, but it always got me going on the things that were “wrong.” Sometimes I told myself disparages like, “You are so stupid! You are so ugly! You can’t do anything right!” I know that if you are reading this, you have your own “favorites.”

The happy news is that we can use those horrible things we tell ourselves to make beautiful, life-changing Creative Questions. It’s what the “How have I changed” Questions are for.

How have I changed from feeling wrong to knowing I am amazing? How have I changed from thinking I am stupid to owning my wisdom? How have I changed from feeling ugly to seeing my own beauty? How have I changed from feeling like I can’t do anything right to knowing I am competent?

See? You just find the opposite of the horrible thing you say to yourself, and make it into a Creative Question. Then, whenever you notice yourself being awful to you, use the new Question. You can also add the word, “else” to the Question for even more awesomeness: How else have I changed from ...

How have I changed from feeling like a loser to owning how I am a winner?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 05262015