Why Can’t I Make That Horse Drink!
On, off, in, out, over, under, to, for; prepositions are amazing. We place things with them, not only out in the world, but inside, too. Curiously, we often misuse them in our inner world, especially when it comes to responsibility.
We often take responsibility for things that aren’t ours to take, and then aren’t being responsible to the things we should.
To and For.
I am responsible for my well-being. I am responsible for my moods, my behavior, my choices, my actions. For.
I am responsible to you. If you are in my care, I am responsible to take good care of you. I am responsible to provide a decent, loving environment, to keep you safe to a reasonable degree, to provide shelter, wholesome food, medical care if you need it. I am not responsible for what you do with all of that.
We confuse responsibility to and responsibility for.
I can lead a horse to water (being responsible to) but I can’t make him drink (being responsible for.) Yes, I know, it’s kind of silly, but it’s amazing how many of us don’t get it, and think that we are responsible for the happiness or misery of others.
That’s the deep truth. Deep truth is that I am innocent, spirit is pure, and because it is divine, it is unstainable. Wow. What does that mean about guilt?
Well, it means that we acquire guilt as we go along. It serves a good purpose when we use it properly, but a lot of us don’t. And we end up feeling like we are bad, irredeemable. So then, because we are actually good, we feel awful, and drive ourselves crazy trying to compensate for how awful we are.
We might go a couple ways, with variations. We might say the heck with it, and just go to seed trying to prove that we are tainted, guilty, bad. We might say it’s a lie, and bend over backwards trying to prove that we are good, believing the whole while we are bad, and so feel like we are lying, and, well, there you go. If that’s not a double bind, I don’t know what is.
Sometimes we do both, chronic misbehaving, and chronic do-gooding. Man, that sounds exhausting just thinking about it, much less living it. And of course, I can’t sleep well because I am worried about getting caught, or anxious about what I can do to try to make up for how awful I am.
How could I be innocent? Why would I be pure? What makes me connect with my sacred self?
When I can take a little bit of time to slow down inside, to unclench my feelings, to unclench my body, to soften into my natural self, my natural life, I can find my innocence, my divine being, my pure core. I can let go of the guilt, make amends as I may need to, and let go some more.
I can surrender to my innocence.
How have I changed from living in the tight space of guilt to finding freedom in my innocence?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 03312014
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