Lightening the Load

Lightening the Load

How do you feel playful? How do you feel light? What makes you have fun?

So many of us have gotten away from having fun. We pile things on to our todo lists, we stay up late making it perfect, we get up early to do the same. We go go go all the time, and barely know what we are feeling, much less whether we are having fun.

Our lives flow with continuous experiences, and within those experiences is so much potential for joy. We can’t feel joy when we are heavy with responsibility. We can’t feel joy when we are burdened with seriousness. Gravitas and play tend not to go hand-in-mitten.

We often get the idea that if we are responsible, if we are important, we need to be serious. We have learned that play is for fools and we don’t want to be seen as a fool, especially if the person seeing us that way is ourselves.

We want to feel like we matter, that the things we do make a difference, that we count. We learn that important people are serious, they work hard, they are diligent and dedicated, and don’t take things lightly. We learn that if we want to be taken seriously we have to be serious. We abandon the play we enjoy.

We know we feel good when we move our bodies, and so we get serious about exercising. We set about improving our health with grim determination. We strip out the things that bring us joy, and approach our movement as though it were a matter of life or death. We do the same thing with food, cutting out the food that we think is fun, and substitute all manner of things that we don’t enjoy, but that we know are good for us.

There is a big difference between being serious, and taking things seriously.

Why do I play? How do I know I matter? What makes me enjoy being alive?

What we find as we start to relax into being grownups is that we want to play. We take playing seriously, and dump being serious. We notice that we feel important, we feel how we matter.  We see how we make a difference, and we take joy in that. We let go of the gravitas, we lighten up.

We discover that we enjoy our work, we enjoy our movement, we enjoy eating, and we enjoy radiant and abundant health. It may not be all the time, it may not be for every task, it may not all be cake and ice cream, but we satisfied, we feel content. At the end of the day we are grateful, and appreciative of what we have accomplished.

When I am taking things seriously, I do what my teachers tell me to do. I meet my commitments. I take responsibility for my promises. I treat myself with respect, and practice self-care automatically. I don’t take a bad mood seriously. I look at what I can change, change it, and let it go. Often that is just my attitude. I don’t take things personally. I trust more.

When I feel how I matter, to me, to you, to my communities, I take that seriously. I recognize that my behavior and attitudes have an impact on the world. I see that bringing a light heart to my day makes everything easier, and I find the resources I need, I find compassion, and I open my heart to all my life brings me.

How have I changed from being serious to feeling light?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07202014

Tell Me More About You

Tell Me More About You

You are so interesting. You know that, right? The very fact of your existence, your own experiences, your thoughts, your talents, makes you special. Do you let others know how interesting you are? Do you have certain people with whom you share who you are?

We exist because we are important.

Now, I didn’t always know that. I use to think that I was a waste of air, and I really wanted to you think I wasn’t, so I tried to make myself invaluable to you. Poor me.

Why could I feel special? How would I know I matter? Why am I interesting?

We exist because what we are meant to do is important.

Now, I certainly didn’t always know that. It was another place where I wanted you to think well of me, so I worked my butt off to be indispensable. Boy, did I hate that kind of desperate feeling. Now for the most part, I work to please me. Even the boring work at work. I learned that if I found a reason to enjoy it, I could enjoy it. Isn’t that interesting.

What makes me feel useful? How could I know I matter? Why else am I interesting?

Part of feeling important for me has to do with feeling productive. I have a lot of interests, so I have a bunch of opportunities for feeling productive in a day. That’s nice.

How am I productive? What makes me feel accomplished? Why would I feel satisfied?

Part of feeling important for me is having loved ones whom I feel close to, I wondered about that for a long time; whether I had the capacity for intimacy. Now, I have very dear friends who mean the world to me. Some of them have been in my life for decades, others are relative new-comers, but have come to our friendship with open hearts and open minds. Being intimate with my friends, disclosing my important stuff, makes me feel important, and the fact that they listen to me, and disclose to me, well, that makes them important to me.

Part of feeling interesting for me is doing what I love. I love to meet people. I love to do stuff. I love to go places. When I do those things, I engage. When I engage, I have fun. I think that what I do is interesting, and sometimes you do, too, which is a nice bonus.

And the most important part of feeling important, you ask? I think, and this is just me, I think that my attitude is going to be the game changer.

When I feel strong, and competent, and capable, I also feel important, regardless of what is going on in my outside life.

Choosing to support myself is a dynamic and powerful thing. By deciding to ask myself these kinds of good questions whenever I think about, I am reprogramming my brain, unchoosing my old, bad questions, setting up an unconscious mind-set that supports me in every way.

How have I changed from thinking smack about myself to asking my powerful, good Creative Questions?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 03282014

If you found any of this useful, or interesting, or annoying, or something, considering + or sharing. Thanks. How do you know you are important?

Being Great

Being Great

You matter so much. You make such an amazing difference in the world. Do you have any idea of all the lives you’ve touched?

The honest answer is, not in the least. We can’t know. We can guess, but we do stuff everyday that has an impact on those around us, and then ripples out. The random smile, the words of comfort, the offer of help,

We all have bad days, when we are crabby, or rude. Sometimes others see us as being that way when we aren’t. In the grand scheme of things, meh.

Because, in general, I know you. I know you because you are here, and reading these words, that you are making an effort to make your life nice, and that part of that is being kind and present and aware out in the world.

I know that you often go out of your way to be helpful, or to offer a little comfort to someone who needs it, sometimes not even someone you know. I know that you try to give a little extra at work, at home, at church, or in your other communities.

I know that sometimes you feel unappreciated, or like no matter what you do, it doesn’t change anything. I know that some days you wonder how you will go on, doing all you do. I know your heart gets heavy, your shoulders sag, and sometimes you even get water coming out from your face.

I am here to ask you, “How do you know that you matter?”

What you do makes a difference, even if the people around you don’t acknowledge it. You do make a difference, even if you can’t see it. You do make a difference, you matter, you are special, and bring your special gifts to the world every day.

What’s more, you are here for a reason, whether you’ve figured out what it is yet. You are not just some random collection of genes and DNA. You have gifts and talents, you have developed skills and judgment, you have your unique combination of experiences, and your unique point of view.

I can spend the whole day saying how great you are, all the things I like about you, but my words, my appreciation, my love is useless to you, unless you feel it, too.

I have to find my way to feeling like I make a difference. I have to own that I am important. I have to recognize that I am special. How do I feel when I am important? How do I feel when I matter? How do I feel when I am interesting and engaging?

When I can start to feel that within me, that what I do makes a difference, I begin to be able to let go of needing you to validate me. I begin to be free.

As I start to own that I matter, I don’t need as much from the outside, so I have more juice on the inside. I can take better care of me, and then I can take better care of you, without resentment, without feeling ripped off if you aren’t somehow doing something to “make” me feel good about me.

How have I changed from feeling small to knowing I matter?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12112013

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Adding My Light

Adding My Light

What a difference you make. Just showing up. You have such an impact on so many people, do you even know that? I love to ask you from time to time just to remind you that you are being seen. People notice the little sweet things you do. even if they don’t say.

Did I tell you that one of the habits I have instilled in me is blurting out compliments?

I love doing that.

One reason I love to do it is that we all mostly like a spontaneous compliment. It’s fun to have a stranger say, “Cute shoes!” or “That was so kind of you” or “I saw you help that person.”

It has also put me on the look out for people doing nice things for each other, especially young people. I wonder if you notice those during your day.

I’m not even talking about normal things like holding the door for someone. It can be astonishing to see.

People taking a few minutes to have a conversation with the panhandler on the sidewalk.

People helping someone ladened down with heavy boxes.

People buying ahead in coffee shops.

People expressing appreciation for little things that people do, beyond a conventional thank you.

What are your favorite ways to help people?

I like to do what I like to have happen. So I will tuck quarters around the public hallways at my day job, since I think it’s fun to find money. Sometimes I even get to see a person spot one. The value of a quarter is considerable when it is found money.

I like to feel like my efforts are appreciated, so I like to voice my appreciation to the person, to their boss, and to write little thank you notes.

I like to ask questions of the clerks who wait on me, and then pay attention to their answers. So often, the job they are doing is a Clark Kent job, that their passion is music or acting or they are in business school.  

Sometimes they tell you a very tender personal thing, and then they get to have a stranger care.

Sometimes the stuff they tell me is kind of creepy.

Sometimes they ignore me. Oh, well.

Little interactions like this serve, among other things, to remind us that we live together. That we need each other, and can help make each other’s lives a little nicer or a little colder. That we each have our own ways of coping with the flow of life.

Little interactions with strangers we encounter in normal situations reminds us that we each are naturally important to each other for so many reasons. That a simple gesture of kindness or compassion can be a highpoint in someone’s day.

How have I changed from spewing negativity to bringing a little light to the world?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10262013

How You Matter

How You Matter

Isn’t it amazing how complicated and weird we make stuff? I drew the “why am I important?” card this morning. Each of us is. We can tell that simply because we are here. But we get some people telling us from the time we are tiny that we suck, in all sorts of different ways,

We start to believe that we aren’t important, that we don’t matter.

Some of us buy into that idea. We decide to prove that we don’t matter. We give up trying. We decide we are useless, just like they said. We feel like we can’t handle the responsibilities of being a grownup, and we revert to childish behaviors, things that often are damaging to us and our loved ones. And we feel worse and worse about ourselves. We excel at underachieving. Our true potential seems like a horrible lie.

Some of us choose to prove that we are important. We seek approval everywhere, we seek prestige roles, we seek awards. We insist that others treat us differently. We often treat others as though they are less than us. And we often feel hollow inside, all the honors, all the prestige do nothing to make us feel the feelings of being important that we crave.

Both paths are lies, based on mislearning.

The truth is that we are important. Not because we’ve done anything, just because we are. The more we relax, the more we drop our mislearnings, the more we choose our natural, easy, flowing life, the more we come to accept our natural importance.

Accepting our natural importance does cool things. We recognize our importance at our core self. When we know, softly and truly, that we are important, we find that we even carry ourselves differently. We find more opportunities to share our gifts. We easily recognize each other’s importance, and treat each other  with parity and respect.

The next thing you know, we are feeling more connection. We find ourselves enjoying working together, finding common goals, enjoying team efforts, and team rewards. We feel less need to be singled out with accolades because we value and appreciate ourselves.

We enjoy more celebrations, because they mark our successes, and complete them, and just because they are fun.

We find ourselves setting bigger goals for ourselves, and our communities, because we know we can accomplish so much together..

We find ourselves feeling more compassion for others because we see their challenges, we see their importance. We remember how that pain felt.

We find ourselves feeling more gratitude for the many blessings that come to us from so many sources.

We find ourselves feeling more appreciation for the wonders and luxuries that surround us, for the kind and brilliant and loving people who surround us, for the enjoyable activities we get to do, for bodies to live in.

By owning our natural importance, we own our own special place in the world, and our own special gifts to bring to it.  We see that we make a difference, just by being our own natural selves.

How have I changed from believing old lies to owning my own natural importance?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09152013