Lightening the Load

Lightening the Load

How do you feel playful? How do you feel light? What makes you have fun?

So many of us have gotten away from having fun. We pile things on to our todo lists, we stay up late making it perfect, we get up early to do the same. We go go go all the time, and barely know what we are feeling, much less whether we are having fun.

Our lives flow with continuous experiences, and within those experiences is so much potential for joy. We can’t feel joy when we are heavy with responsibility. We can’t feel joy when we are burdened with seriousness. Gravitas and play tend not to go hand-in-mitten.

We often get the idea that if we are responsible, if we are important, we need to be serious. We have learned that play is for fools and we don’t want to be seen as a fool, especially if the person seeing us that way is ourselves.

We want to feel like we matter, that the things we do make a difference, that we count. We learn that important people are serious, they work hard, they are diligent and dedicated, and don’t take things lightly. We learn that if we want to be taken seriously we have to be serious. We abandon the play we enjoy.

We know we feel good when we move our bodies, and so we get serious about exercising. We set about improving our health with grim determination. We strip out the things that bring us joy, and approach our movement as though it were a matter of life or death. We do the same thing with food, cutting out the food that we think is fun, and substitute all manner of things that we don’t enjoy, but that we know are good for us.

There is a big difference between being serious, and taking things seriously.

Why do I play? How do I know I matter? What makes me enjoy being alive?

What we find as we start to relax into being grownups is that we want to play. We take playing seriously, and dump being serious. We notice that we feel important, we feel how we matter.  We see how we make a difference, and we take joy in that. We let go of the gravitas, we lighten up.

We discover that we enjoy our work, we enjoy our movement, we enjoy eating, and we enjoy radiant and abundant health. It may not be all the time, it may not be for every task, it may not all be cake and ice cream, but we satisfied, we feel content. At the end of the day we are grateful, and appreciative of what we have accomplished.

When I am taking things seriously, I do what my teachers tell me to do. I meet my commitments. I take responsibility for my promises. I treat myself with respect, and practice self-care automatically. I don’t take a bad mood seriously. I look at what I can change, change it, and let it go. Often that is just my attitude. I don’t take things personally. I trust more.

When I feel how I matter, to me, to you, to my communities, I take that seriously. I recognize that my behavior and attitudes have an impact on the world. I see that bringing a light heart to my day makes everything easier, and I find the resources I need, I find compassion, and I open my heart to all my life brings me.

How have I changed from being serious to feeling light?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07202014

Finding the Win

Finding the Win

One of my most precious beliefs has a few pieces to it. II believe that one of the reasons I am here is to be the best me I can be.  I believe that the Universe is benevolent. I believe that the Universe gives me what I need to be the best me right now, and to become the best me I can get to. I believe that everything that happens in my life brings me a gift, sometimes many gifts, and part of my task is to find those gifts.

What do you think about that?

This may be one of the most profound paradigm shifts I’ve experienced, that of looking for the gift in everything. Especially since my whole way of being was playing victim/martyr.

Why can I choose? Why would I choose positive? Why do things go my way?

Ok, that last question can be a doozy. Especially when it seems like things are bad. That’s the time to bring out your favorite Creative Questions.

How do I benefit? How does this situation bless me? What makes me see the good?

When I look for the ick I will always find it. People are selfish, or hateful, or cruel. Life makes us suffer, things are bad.

The same way, when I look for the blessing, the good luck, the gift, I also will always find it.

Well, finding stuff to feel grateful and appreciative about changes how I see the world. No matter what is going on, I can find something to feel thankful for. I have a mind of infinite possibilities. I have a good imagination. I am creative, and brilliant, and I can use these super powers to create my reality.

Remembering that you can’t disappoint me, only my expectations of you disappoint me, is a profound thing. Remembering that you are doing your best, that you are a divine and infinite being who also wants to live a nice life, lets me feel compassion for you. Once I feel compassion, I can relax about you, and I can relax about me, because I know those things are true about me, as well.

How am I healthy? What makes me feel well? Why am I strong? How am I soft? Why would I choose to go with the flow?

When I choose to flow with what is, I stop resisting it, and I stop clenching. I can choose easy, I can choose relaxed, I can choose to live my natural life. When I stop fighting, I can choose to see the benefit, I can see the limitless support available, and I can feel how all of my world is there for me. I feel like it matters that I am here, I feel my place in the world.

Winning and losing are, more than anything else, attitudes. I can look at my current situation, and think, “As someone who is dedicated to creating a healing space, I am a failure.” Or I can look at my current situation and think, “I have a shining opportunity to learn about me, about wellness, about healing, and about finding the joy in anything. I will be better and stronger, wiser, and create better, more wholesome spaces, because I choose to flow with this.”

How have I changed from fighting the loss to relaxing for the win?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 06172014

Life De Luxe

Life De Luxe

Several years ago, I spent the summer reading about Marie Antoinette. It was interesting for a number of reasons, one being the luxury she lived in. Except in some important ways, it really wasn’t.

She was surrounded by expensive stuff, but didn’t have air conditioning in the hot summer, or central heat in the cold winter. She couldn’t hop in a car or on a bus and get somewhere fast, she had to lurch around in a carriage for days to do a trip I could manage in a few hours.

She didn’t have much freedom to choose what she wanted to do, or where to go. She had very strict rules about her behavior in general and was watched like a hawk. Poor little queen, my life is so much nicer in so many ways.

Luxury.

I can communicate instantly with people I love all over the world. Instantly. I am so old that I remember when calling long distance meant that you talked as fast as you could for three minutes, and it cost a fortune. Now, pfft! We can make a video connection to anyone online for free. What luxury.

I can go pretty much anywhere I can think of to go. It will not cost tens of thousands of dollars to do that. Airfare is relatively cheap, as are trains, and ships. I can rent a car almost anywhere. I don’t need an entourage because for the most part there are tourist bureaus and travel agencies to help me. Luxury.

I have electric lights, climate control, hot and cold water plumbing that can rise hundreds of feet in the air. I have stoves and ovens and microwaves. Food processors, vacuum cleaners, washing machines and permanent press clothes,  that give me hours of leisure every week, a luxury most of humanity has never known.

I have choices to make unrivaled in the history of the world. With the luxury of free time from all the time-saving appliances my life is full of, I get to decide what I want to do. So I have ToDo lists; the master list, the daily list; I have my WannaDo list, like a bucket list without death attached, and my BeDoHave lists.

I have resources the likes of which, until recently,  no monarch on earth could have imagined, much less enjoyed.

With the amazing resources of time I have, I also have the responsibility to spend that time wisely. Where do I commit my time? Do I commit my time to something valuable, to make a contribution, or do I commit my time to TV, or other wasters? Well, I succumb to the siren song of the time wasters often enough, but I am also aware of the great gift.

I have found that the best way for me to spend my free time wisely is with routines and habits. Like my habit of writing to you everyday. I have my routines in place, and then I can spend some time frittering time with joyful abandon instead of guilt.

How have I changed from counting all I lack to reveling in the luxury of my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05272014

Becoming an Appreciationist

I don’t think of myself as an optimist, someone who sees the glass half full. I am certainly not a pessimist who sees the glass half empty. I am an appreciationist who rejoices in having a glass. Not only can I drink from it, and share drink with you, but I can use my glass to hold ice cream, cut out biscuits, trace big circles onto things, and make polka dots, a place to root plants, a temporary place for bugs, stash my gold coins, well, you see what I’m getting at.

Lavish, luscious, sumptuous, opulent, plush.

The opposite of love, they say, is fear. It is also the opposite of trust, of positivity, maybe even of living. Fear devours our spirit little bite by little bite, and leaves us worried, anxious, guilty, angry, and sad. It grips us by the throat, roils our stomachs, squeezes our lungs, and steals our sleep.

We can unchoose it.

Why am I positive? Why can I trust? What makes me confident?

When I remember that I can change my feelings as easily as changing my socks, my life gets better. I can unchoose being annoyed. I can unchoose being scared or worried. I can unchoose feeling bad. I can do that because I am responsible for my thoughts, my emotions, my behavior.

I can choose to trust. I can choose to trust that I will find a solution, a resolution, a way out. I can choose to trust that there is a silver lining, and I can find it. I can choose to trust that I can change my ways. I can choose to trust that I can have all the support I need.

When I am feeling lost or scared, or lonely, or dark, or something like that, I can choose to remember than I am an appreciationist. I can find things that matter to me. I can find things I like. I can find things that I enjoy.

Here’s a little secret I will share with you.

When I am feeling kind of stuck, choosing gratitude can break that up pretty fast. Sometimes, for me, gratitude is easier to get to than relaxed, peaceful, or happy. Part of that is, for all my stuff, I own that my life is nice. I have seen enough to know that, even at its worst, my life still had things in it I could appreciate.

Why am I so positive? Why can I trust? What makes me confident?

I have made amazing progress in my life. I have worked through stuff, moved beyond stuff, overcome stuff. One of the most important reasons that I have been able to do that is because I found trustworthy teachers to trust. And then I trusted them, and did what they told me to do. Not one hundred percent, but way more than half.

When I have needed a teacher, a trustworthy teacher, one has always come along. Sometimes, twice, maybe, I’ve had a teacher who turned out not to be trustworthy, but the painful lesson brought me to a much better place. I trust that I am here to grow, to evolve, to really live a life of joy, and bliss, and connection, creativity, peace, satisfaction. I believe that you can have a life like that, too. Why can we choose to live our natural lives?

How have I changed from a glass half full or half empty to rejoicing in having a glass?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 04012014

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Tasks and Leisure

Tasks and Leisure

So, what do you like to do when you aren’t doing what you have to do? There is an old saw that I love, “To have leisure is to live as the gods.”

I like to joke that I will spend my free time lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. I always imagine it with my arms spread wide and a stupid grin on my face, a posture I spent time in as a kid on lovely summer days, cloud gazing.

Ahhhh.

But I digress.

I think about my ancestors, and how their lives were compared to the way I get to live. I think about how hard the women worked to keep their homes, how hard the men worked, and how uncomfy stuff was. I mean, I love central climate control. I love vacuums and other machines that make stuff so fast and easy. They worked their patooties off so that now I can enjoy some free time pretty much every day. Thank you, ancestors!

Why do I take time off? What makes me relax? Why do I enjoy my hobby?

Leisure time is priceless. I was fascinated to learn that our word “school” comes from the ancient Greek word for leisure. Many of us have stuff to do to keep our lives, and the lives of our loved ones, running smoothly. We have to wash stuff, and sweep stuff, and wipe stuff down, and change stuff, and buy stuff and put stuff away. We have to do a lot of that every day. And then we have to acquire and consume food and drink, clean ourselves, dress ourselves, move ourselves around, rest ourselves. Whew!

When we have down time, we have time to make choices that can enhance our lives. We can choose from a wide assortment of activities that will make stuff better, give us joy, and be fun. When we stay on top of our stuff, we don’t need to run away from our feelings, and so we can use our leisure enjoying ourselves rather than distracting ourselves. I like that so much more.

As we get better at using our leisure time, we may discover a hobby or hobbies that we love. Some of us decide that we will make a living from our hobby, and do that. Some of us decide that we love the change of scenery that we get from our hobby. Some of us like to learn stuff in our leisure time. Some of us like to travel, or see shows, or be in shows. Choices abound for wonderful, fun, interesting, challenging, delightful ways to spend our time.

How do I enjoy my free time? Why do I value my leisure? What makes me take down time?

When we have balance between our work and play, we feel good. We feel satisfied and productive in our labors, and satisfied and productive in our off-time. When we let that balance go off-kilter, we may feel like a drudge, or taken advantage of at our work, or we may feel bored or at loose ends in our free time. Being able to pick up on this right away is another advantage of being self-aware. Once we notice it, we can modify what we are doing to that we regain our balance. One of the activities that helps me keep that sense of balance is my meditative time on my porch between the end of my work day and the beginning of my evening activities.

How have I changed from being out of balance to enjoying both my task time and leisure time?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 03122014

What are your favorite leisure activities?

We’re in the Money

We’re in the Money

How are you rich? Do you have a fine collection of antique clocks? Or maybe a Rembrandt squirrelled away in your closet. Perhaps your bank accounts keep the country running, or you have, as the song says, diamonds on the soles of your shoes?

Me, I discovered that my life is rich beyond measure.

Back in the before times, there were people in my life who told me to count my blessings. I can’t even tell you how much I hated that. Who did they think they were? Couldn’t they see how horrible my life was?

So I acted happy, and pretended everything was okay, and inside I was sour and cynical and sick. And I did not value much of anything.

After all, counting blessings was so square, lame, and geekly. Being depressed and miserable was cool. All the best artists were depressed and miserable.

I was in good company. Except for one thing.

It sucked.

And on some level I knew that I was going to have to give up the idea that “being happy” was lame.

My first glimpse into a possible future of happiness for me was the author, Colette. Oh, my. She was happy. She loved her life and lived it so well. I wanted that.

As I changed my opinion about happy people, I started to find appreciation and gratitude for the people and stuff in my life. And with that sense of thankfulness came a sneaking awareness of how full of treasure my life had become.

I’m not just going on about my priceless jewels of friends and family, or the treasure of health. I’m actually talking about cash money, bread, moolah, greenbacks, cheddar, ducats, and dead presidents.

How do I feel when I am a lady of means? What makes me feel rich? Why do I enjoy my abundance? Why do I prosper? Why am I grateful for my riches?

As I pay my bills, I find myself feeling grateful for the services they provide. I don’t know about you, but I am absolutely crazy for electricity and heat, and cool, depending on the season. I love the freedom my car gives me and the joy I feel driving it around.

The weird thing has been that the more I appreciate what I can do with my cash, the more easily it seems to come to me. How do I double my income?

Another weird thing, the more freely I can give, the more easily it seems to come to me. What makes money flow to me easily?

A third weird thing is that, as I let go of how it should come to me, it shows up in ways that I would never ever have thought of. Most recently as a class action settlement. I mean, really. Why am I open to money?

How have I changed from feeling poor and pinched to feeling luxurious and generous?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10182013

How You Matter

How You Matter

Isn’t it amazing how complicated and weird we make stuff? I drew the “why am I important?” card this morning. Each of us is. We can tell that simply because we are here. But we get some people telling us from the time we are tiny that we suck, in all sorts of different ways,

We start to believe that we aren’t important, that we don’t matter.

Some of us buy into that idea. We decide to prove that we don’t matter. We give up trying. We decide we are useless, just like they said. We feel like we can’t handle the responsibilities of being a grownup, and we revert to childish behaviors, things that often are damaging to us and our loved ones. And we feel worse and worse about ourselves. We excel at underachieving. Our true potential seems like a horrible lie.

Some of us choose to prove that we are important. We seek approval everywhere, we seek prestige roles, we seek awards. We insist that others treat us differently. We often treat others as though they are less than us. And we often feel hollow inside, all the honors, all the prestige do nothing to make us feel the feelings of being important that we crave.

Both paths are lies, based on mislearning.

The truth is that we are important. Not because we’ve done anything, just because we are. The more we relax, the more we drop our mislearnings, the more we choose our natural, easy, flowing life, the more we come to accept our natural importance.

Accepting our natural importance does cool things. We recognize our importance at our core self. When we know, softly and truly, that we are important, we find that we even carry ourselves differently. We find more opportunities to share our gifts. We easily recognize each other’s importance, and treat each other  with parity and respect.

The next thing you know, we are feeling more connection. We find ourselves enjoying working together, finding common goals, enjoying team efforts, and team rewards. We feel less need to be singled out with accolades because we value and appreciate ourselves.

We enjoy more celebrations, because they mark our successes, and complete them, and just because they are fun.

We find ourselves setting bigger goals for ourselves, and our communities, because we know we can accomplish so much together..

We find ourselves feeling more compassion for others because we see their challenges, we see their importance. We remember how that pain felt.

We find ourselves feeling more gratitude for the many blessings that come to us from so many sources.

We find ourselves feeling more appreciation for the wonders and luxuries that surround us, for the kind and brilliant and loving people who surround us, for the enjoyable activities we get to do, for bodies to live in.

By owning our natural importance, we own our own special place in the world, and our own special gifts to bring to it.  We see that we make a difference, just by being our own natural selves.

How have I changed from believing old lies to owning my own natural importance?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09152013

I Really Appreciate You

I Really Appreciate You

A dear and brilliant friend started posting daily appreciations last year. What a joy they were to read, and what a triumph to witness, as serious health issues arose for her and her husband, that  she continued to post heartfelt gratitude each day. I feel uplifted and inspired by her words everyday, and by her courage in staying appreciative.

Another dear and brilliant friend has had a group of friends who emailed each other things they were grateful for each day.

Several friends keep gratitude journals.

There are so many ways to establish a habit of expressing our gratitude, but they all have something in common, namely, they serve to raise our vibration.

Now, I know that “vibration” is woowoo talk, and I work at staying away from woowoo talk here. But, if you have ever been around big, low vibration sounds, you may have noticed something.

I got it first in a small discotheque many years ago. I’d gone dancing with friends, paid my cover, and drank water, not liquor or even soda pop. The space was tiny, and the speakers were great, but my spot was right in front of the big booming bass. It took about an hour, and I was out back puking up my water. The next time I went, it  happened again, and then I made a point of staying as far away from those speakers.

We don’t usually say, “Oh, I love heavy metal! It makes me feel so light and happy!”

If I want to feel light and happy, it will help if I move toward light and cheerful and away from dark and low.

So, what is dark and low? Chronic complainers, that is, people who don’t expend energy improving their situation, only rehearsing how awful it is. The News. The News is meant to make us feel bad so we buy stuff. Grim movies or books, dark tales of abuse or torture. Focusing on feelings of anger or grief or fear.

Those feelings come up for all of us. What we do when they do can make a huge difference in our “vibration.”

To keep things flowing, I need to experience my feelings, not necessarily to express them. When I accept how I feel, and let it flow through me, I find that I’m often finished with it in moments. And then, if I pause for a bit and appreciate the feeling, or the simple emotion, I find that I can enjoy those emotions that used to suck up my life,

Accepting, appreciating, and allowing will all help me to feel lighter. When I accept what is going on, I’m not necessarily liking it. That is, I can appreciate where I’m at without wanting to spend my life here.

By noticing what I am grateful for, by appreciating the world around me, by expressing my thanks, several things happen. I need to be in touch with my feelings to recognize the sensations of gratitude. I have to be aware to notice stuff to be grateful for. I need to have some sense of connection to tell you I appreciate you, and what you did for me.

Now if I just add relax relax relax to that, I’m going to have a pretty nice day.

How have I changed from feeling shut down to being aware of my gratitude?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08242013