Want-Power

Want-Power

Why do I like what I do? This is a challenging question for a bunch of us. We don’t like what we do, or we feel ashamed or guilty about what we do. Or we feel like we aren’t living up to our potential, or we feel like fakes. Oh, there are lots of things we think and feel about what we do.

So what do we do about what we do?

I was really fortunate in that I had a wonderful teacher who told me what to do, or what to stop doing, and I mostly did what she said. It was great. It was also scary and challenging. But I did it.

There were several tricks I used that really helped. When I was looking for the “real” job, I would “act as if” I already had a real job, and not my 3 cool but crappy part time jobs. I would act as if I already knew how to dress for corporate America, as if I knew how to interview. I looked into these things, and made some changes and adjustments. Deciding first to act as if really helped me.

When looking to change other circumstances; habits, activities, unsupportive friendships; I decided I might not have all the answers and asked for help from people who seemed to get it. I tended to get similar kinds of advice from them all about a specific topic. Then, and this was the important part, I would do what they suggested. Novel concept.

The third trick, and maybe the most important trick, and one we will be working on our whole, happy lives, is knowing what I want.

How do I know what I want?

I cannot make a sustainable change if I don’t know what I want to change to.

The most effective internal piece is not will power, it’s want power. But I cannot harness my want power unless I know what I want.

For years I would cry, “But I don’t know what I want!” And my beloved teacher would say, “You do know.” Oh, she made me so mad! (I know. We can dissect that sentence later.)  And so I had to learn to stop, and think about what I wanted. I could sometimes get there by writing out my list of Don’t Wants and then kind of look at the shape of that list to get some hints about what I did want.

Sometimes, I would start with the list of little wants and then grow it.

Sometimes I would write a Be-Do-Have list. I love those! They are interesting and kind of challenging. The rule is simple. Write one hundred things you want to be, one hundred things you want to do, and one hundred things you want to have. As you accomplish, achieve, or acquire something on one of the lists, you cross it out and add a new thing. Hmm. Maybe it’s time for a new Be-Do-Have accounting!

When I have identified a big want, I can use want power to make that dream come true. I want to go on a trip more than I want that thing, for example. I want to feel slim more than I want that extra piece of cake. I want that task accomplished more than I want to play video games. You see what I’m getting at.

How have I changed from trying to use willpower to being successful with want-power?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 02032015

Life De Luxe

Life De Luxe

Several years ago, I spent the summer reading about Marie Antoinette. It was interesting for a number of reasons, one being the luxury she lived in. Except in some important ways, it really wasn’t.

She was surrounded by expensive stuff, but didn’t have air conditioning in the hot summer, or central heat in the cold winter. She couldn’t hop in a car or on a bus and get somewhere fast, she had to lurch around in a carriage for days to do a trip I could manage in a few hours.

She didn’t have much freedom to choose what she wanted to do, or where to go. She had very strict rules about her behavior in general and was watched like a hawk. Poor little queen, my life is so much nicer in so many ways.

Luxury.

I can communicate instantly with people I love all over the world. Instantly. I am so old that I remember when calling long distance meant that you talked as fast as you could for three minutes, and it cost a fortune. Now, pfft! We can make a video connection to anyone online for free. What luxury.

I can go pretty much anywhere I can think of to go. It will not cost tens of thousands of dollars to do that. Airfare is relatively cheap, as are trains, and ships. I can rent a car almost anywhere. I don’t need an entourage because for the most part there are tourist bureaus and travel agencies to help me. Luxury.

I have electric lights, climate control, hot and cold water plumbing that can rise hundreds of feet in the air. I have stoves and ovens and microwaves. Food processors, vacuum cleaners, washing machines and permanent press clothes,  that give me hours of leisure every week, a luxury most of humanity has never known.

I have choices to make unrivaled in the history of the world. With the luxury of free time from all the time-saving appliances my life is full of, I get to decide what I want to do. So I have ToDo lists; the master list, the daily list; I have my WannaDo list, like a bucket list without death attached, and my BeDoHave lists.

I have resources the likes of which, until recently,  no monarch on earth could have imagined, much less enjoyed.

With the amazing resources of time I have, I also have the responsibility to spend that time wisely. Where do I commit my time? Do I commit my time to something valuable, to make a contribution, or do I commit my time to TV, or other wasters? Well, I succumb to the siren song of the time wasters often enough, but I am also aware of the great gift.

I have found that the best way for me to spend my free time wisely is with routines and habits. Like my habit of writing to you everyday. I have my routines in place, and then I can spend some time frittering time with joyful abandon instead of guilt.

How have I changed from counting all I lack to reveling in the luxury of my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05272014