Lightening the Load

Lightening the Load

How do you feel playful? How do you feel light? What makes you have fun?

So many of us have gotten away from having fun. We pile things on to our todo lists, we stay up late making it perfect, we get up early to do the same. We go go go all the time, and barely know what we are feeling, much less whether we are having fun.

Our lives flow with continuous experiences, and within those experiences is so much potential for joy. We can’t feel joy when we are heavy with responsibility. We can’t feel joy when we are burdened with seriousness. Gravitas and play tend not to go hand-in-mitten.

We often get the idea that if we are responsible, if we are important, we need to be serious. We have learned that play is for fools and we don’t want to be seen as a fool, especially if the person seeing us that way is ourselves.

We want to feel like we matter, that the things we do make a difference, that we count. We learn that important people are serious, they work hard, they are diligent and dedicated, and don’t take things lightly. We learn that if we want to be taken seriously we have to be serious. We abandon the play we enjoy.

We know we feel good when we move our bodies, and so we get serious about exercising. We set about improving our health with grim determination. We strip out the things that bring us joy, and approach our movement as though it were a matter of life or death. We do the same thing with food, cutting out the food that we think is fun, and substitute all manner of things that we don’t enjoy, but that we know are good for us.

There is a big difference between being serious, and taking things seriously.

Why do I play? How do I know I matter? What makes me enjoy being alive?

What we find as we start to relax into being grownups is that we want to play. We take playing seriously, and dump being serious. We notice that we feel important, we feel how we matter.  We see how we make a difference, and we take joy in that. We let go of the gravitas, we lighten up.

We discover that we enjoy our work, we enjoy our movement, we enjoy eating, and we enjoy radiant and abundant health. It may not be all the time, it may not be for every task, it may not all be cake and ice cream, but we satisfied, we feel content. At the end of the day we are grateful, and appreciative of what we have accomplished.

When I am taking things seriously, I do what my teachers tell me to do. I meet my commitments. I take responsibility for my promises. I treat myself with respect, and practice self-care automatically. I don’t take a bad mood seriously. I look at what I can change, change it, and let it go. Often that is just my attitude. I don’t take things personally. I trust more.

When I feel how I matter, to me, to you, to my communities, I take that seriously. I recognize that my behavior and attitudes have an impact on the world. I see that bringing a light heart to my day makes everything easier, and I find the resources I need, I find compassion, and I open my heart to all my life brings me.

How have I changed from being serious to feeling light?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07202014

The River of Happiness

The River of Happiness

There is something in us that gives us life. When it is not in us, our bodies die. There are a lot of words for it. Life force will do for us for now. We also call it happiness.

Wait, what?

Yes, you heard me, happiness is one way we experience life force. It’s why practicing something like qi gong feels so good as we strengthen our life force.

I am not speaking about the kind of happy we feel when we get something we’ve wanted, or other nice things from outside. I am speaking of that feeling that bubbles up from deep inside us.

Why am I happy? What makes me feel alive? How do I choose my natural life?

In the olden days, I tried to be happy. I tried hard. I didn’t get very far trying. I tried looking at the bright side. I tried counting my blessings. It was work. Eventually I let go.

That was the difference that did it. When I let go, I relaxed. When I relaxed, it was easier to go with the flow. Instead of seeking the good in my life, I noticed it. Way easier. Instead of counting my blessings, I felt grateful and appreciative. Way easier. Instead of trying, I let it come up from inside. Way easier. I like easy.

I have a number of things I do that help my life force flow. Shaolin qi gong is one. Unlimited Breath work is another. Meditation does it, too. Dancing, a good walk; there are a lot of things I do to reap the flow. Relaxing in my daily life keeps it flowing. Then, I automatically look at the world with joyful filters, and it takes no effort to experience my life as wonder-filled. I like effortless.

Why is it just so easy? Why can it be effortless? How do I relax? Why do I choose?

We all try so hard. We strive to make a nice life for ourselves, our loved ones. We struggle to make ends meet. We pull our expectations in tight and hold them there. We believe we can only have a life that is so big, and no bigger. Sometimes, we feel like it’s all for nothing, and we resort to addictive behaviors to mask our feelings. As we let go of struggle, as we relax our grip on our expectations, as we change our beliefs about how our life can be, it all gets easier and softer.

Why am I wealthy? Why do good things happen for me? How do I enjoy my life?

Sometimes we have one of those days. Usually, if I stop and look at it, it’s not that the whole day was awful, but that a few parts were. Or were annoying, or frustrating, or sad. My choice is to hang onto those things and let them color the whole day, or week, or month. Or I can choose to let each thing go, and start fresh. It took me some practice, but like so many things, it was worth it.

Somedays, it is just one thing after another. When I am choosing to let each thing go, I can usually chalk it up to wonky energy on my part, and laugh at it. I know that this too shall pass, and that a wonky day is one of the ways I appreciate my normal days.

How have I changed from trying to make myself happy to letting my happiness flow?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07192014

Activating or Adapting

Activating or Adapting

I am always impressed with the stuff we can come up with to fret about. A wonderful way to avoid looking at our own stuff is to activate against something big outside us.

There are things in the world that we care about, but that is very different from activating against something. When I am activated, I get all het up. I get angry and scared, often at faceless entities who have done something I  see as egregious and which may have nothing to do with me directly.

When we activate like this, we like to try to get others to activate with us. That means I want you to feel scared and angry, too.

Angry and scared is not a place of power for us. We make strange decisions when we are angry and scared. We can do things that hurt others, that we regret. We can make decisions that backfire and get us in trouble.

Why does my natural environment support me? Why do I respect my natural environment? How do I appreciate nature?

If I believe that my natural environment, like the Universe, supports me, I want to be respectful of it. That means I am mindful of what I am consuming, and how I dispose of my waste. It means that I am mindful of chemicals I use, and look for low-impact stuff. I think about my little snails, and how tiny they are, and how a miniscule about of pesticides could make them sick. Caring for such tiny, sweet creatures helps me keep in mind that it’s not all just about humans.

Sometimes, it feels like Mother Nature is out to get us. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. It’s too dry, or too humid, or rainy, or there is too much snow. Instead of going with the flow and adapting, we get mad. Sometimes, we even take the weather personally. I did.

I took a lot of stuff personally. It was exhausting.

I took random comments on TV personally. I took things I heard strangers say personally. I took decisions made by the government personally. Can you imagine what I did with stuff I heard from people I knew that was actually directed toward me?

Somewhere along the line, I decided to stop doing that. I like believing that the Universe and Mother Nature support me. I like looking for how that support comes when the weather gets too-too. It means that I have to take responsibility for me.

That means that I acknowledge that I interpret my world. I filter things according to my beliefs. When I am responsible for me, I adapt rather than fight. I care, and do caring things rather than activate. I have compassion for you, even if you annoy me. I have choices.

I like to spend time on my porch regardless of the weather, except if it is getting me soaked. Well, even then, sometimes. I adapt by having gear that keeps me warm in freezing temperatures, or by soaking my feet in cool water when it is really hot. I adapt by relaxing all the way through; my muscles, my feelings, my thoughts. I adapt by looking for how I this situation supports me. It really works.

Why am I comfy? What makes me feel cheerful? How do I choose?

How have I changed from taking it all personally to enjoying feeling adaptable?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07152014

Shining Success

Shining Success

How would your life change if you felt successful every day? Would you carry yourself differently? Would you try new things? Would you step up for other  things than you do now?

The more we relax through and through; our bodies, our feelings, our thoughts, the more successful we become. Like so many other fun, comfy, exciting, rewarding things, being successful is one of the things that just happens when we relax into our natural life.

Why am I successful? How things go my way? What makes me see the good?

It’s a funny thing. When we feel like a failure, we can often find that, underneath the feeling, we are resisting success, bogging ourselves down with bad creative questions. Why am I a failure? Why am I unlucky? Bad creative questions like these  keep us stuck. We often find that we are so used to asking bad questions like these that we don’t even notice we are asking them.

When we ask questions like those, we will miss opportunities to be successful. We may sabotage our results, we may trip ourselves up, and even get ourselves in trouble.

Oops.

When we ask questions like those, we may find that we even sabotage our own success, or when we have it, we discount it. How sad is that.

It bears talking about a bit more, that tendency we have to discount the nice stuff. One of the best ways to practice enjoyment is to enjoy our moments. Savor the pleasures we encounter each day; the delicious breakfast beverage, how nice it feels to clean our teeth, the bird song, the smile from a random person on the street. Letting these little things in, taking an extra moment to enjoy them, to appreciate the little nice things that happen each day, helps us build our enjoyment muscles so that we can let in our successes, and really feel good about them.

Why do I savor? What makes me appreciative? How do I enjoy?

Practicing like this on the little stuff means that I get used to little successes, little pleasures, little enjoyments, and gradually they build until I can tolerate bliss. I know it sounds weird, but it’s true for a lot of us. I know if I had been thrown into bliss back in the dark ages, I would have just shut down. Now I can sit in bliss for ages. I love that.

Another thing that helps us in feeling more successful is relaxing around it. Sometimes we are striving so hard to achieve our idea of success that we miss it. We get ideas about what we want to accomplish, and as soon as we do, we are off planning the next campaign. We

never feel successful because we are always chasing that carrot on a stick, and assigning new values all the time. So we can have accomplished so much, and never feel it, never notice, and always feeling like we don’t quite measure up. Poor we.

The more I let myself get used to feeling successful, the easier it is to find places where that’s how I feel. I like feeling successful, and I will draw success to me, in that ol’ Law of Attraction way.

How have I changed from practicing failure to shining success?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07112014

Trust Babies

Trust Babies

Have you noticed how much more enjoyable life is when you are feeling present and relaxed? You can let things just happen, and roll with it, finding enjoyment and purpose as you go through your day.

It’s a weird thing. If I don’t have to make things work out, I can slow down inside. I can savor my moments. Time passes at a reasonable rate, and I don’t feel like it flies by. A week takes a week, a month takes a month, and it’s a nice, long wait from birthday to birthday.

If I’m not trying to make things go a certain way, I have more energy to find the fun in what I’m doing, or the satisfaction, or the contentment. I get to the end of my day, and feel gratitude and appreciation for my good day, and when I wake up, I wake up feeling like that, too. It beats the heck out of going to sleep stressed and tense, and waking up the same way. I did that for years.

If I’m not trying to seem smart, or fancy, or fascinating, or just trying to think of how I’m going to respond to what you’re saying, I start listening to you. Really listening. And amazing things happen. I learn stuff from you. I learn more about you. I remember more of what you say. I find that I feel closer to you when I listen to you than when I am all focused on me. And because I heard you, my response is better, we are really having a conversation.

Why do I trust? How do I know the Universe is for my benefit? What makes me relax?

When I stop trying so hard, to please, to fit in, to conform to my ideas of what is normal, I find me. When I stop feeling victimized, angry, scared, confronted, attacked, or beleaguered, and choose to flow with my life as it unfolds, I find that those feelings dissipate, and I am comfortable in my skin, in my thoughts, and behavior. I make choices that suit me better, and if things don’t go the way I think they should have gone, I am free to see how it actually works out for me.

When I choose to trust, I take the pressure off. I lose a lot of my wacky expectations. I love the old saw, “You don’t disappoint me, only my expectations of you disappoint me.” It’s one of the reasons I like to look for emotionally-neutral language to describe interesting circumstances.

Neutral language helps me respond to what’s actually going on rather than to my ideas, or your ideas, of what is going on. Lots of places in the world use emotionally charged language to try to manipulate us into doing stuff. The one I see the most is fear. If I scare you enough, you will buy my stuff, or take my treatment, or shop at my sponsor’s store.

So I avoid the “news” and scary healers and anyone else who seems to have an agenda that uses fear, and make sure I slow down to process and release their stuff if I get hit with it,

And I trust that I can cope.

Why am I capable? Why I am competent? What makes me strong? Why do I trust?

When I take on those Creative Questions, when I claim them for my very own, when I ask myself those questions, I set myself free. When I choose to trust the universe, I set myself free. I am free to connect, to engage, to have bliss, to feel joy, to live my natural life.

How have I changed from second-guessing and gainsaying to trusting and living free?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07072014

Releasing the Clench

Releasing the Clench

How good are you at relaxing? How do you feel about trusting? How what do you think about taking responsibility for your own well being?

Something remarkable happens when we put those three things together. The more I relax, not just my body, but my thoughts and emotions as well, the more I trust the Universe, or my higher power, or whatever I want to call it, the more I trust that what happens in my life benefits me in some way, and the more  I take charge of my attitudes, my beliefs, my thoughts, the happier my life gets. From the inside out.

I like to feel happy. I think you do, too.

Why am I happy? How do I feel when I trust? What makes me choose?

Relaxing is an interesting thing. I’m not talking about lying under a tree daydreaming at clouds, although that’s nice. I am talking about paying attention to when we clench up, and consciously choosing to relax that clench. Over and over and over.

Believe me, I know what I’m talking about with this. I used to hang my shoulders off my ears, if you see what I mean. I clenched my bottom, I clenched my abs, I clenched my jaw, I even clenched my toes. Owie. Heaven knows what all that clenching did to my insides!

I had a lot of clenched thoughts, too. Wrong ideas about stuff, and totally locked in with them. Wrong ideas about me (not good enough, bad person, selfish, incapable, victim, for example.) Wrong ideas about you, and I won’t even go into those! Wrong ideas about health and wealth and joy and on and on.

All I had to do was relax those ideas a little bit, create a tiny bit of room for doubt, and then come up with a better thought, a cleaner thought, a higher-vibration thought, and let it wiggle in. And then reap the benefits of my new thought. Oh, my.

What if I am wrong about sickness? What if I am wrong about being poor? What if I am wrong about how people suck?

What if I am wrong about how much I suck?

How could I be good enough? Why would I be okay? What makes me a gift?

Why would I enjoy radiant health? How do I live in abundance? Why would I like people?

Wiggle room, relaxing, trust. My responsibility. I can’t change you. even if I am your mom. Sometimes, I can influence you, I can model good behavior for you, I can choose to let go of my negative emotional judgments and I can choose how I will respond.

Wiggle room. I can choose to relax into my natural life. I can choose to soften, to flow with my life, and all that soft, all that relaxed, makes room for joy, makes room for bliss. It makes room for my happiness to flow into my life from my core.

How have I changed from clenching tight to relaxing into happiness?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07062014

Peace In, Peace Out

Peace In, Peace Out

Being a grownup is nice. I trust that I make good decisions now. My life is full of wonderful, kind people, I flow with my life most of the time. I know how to relax. I feel peaceful at my core most of the time. Life is pretty effortless and fun. Most of the time.

Why am I peaceful? What makes me feel relaxed? How am I present?

When I flow with my life, it’s easy. When I flow with my life, I am relaxed at my core. I am curious and engaged. My daily life may seem simple these days, but it is exceedingly rich, and deep, and luscious.

Part of that is because of that peaceful feeling. I am able to be much more present when I feel peaceful than when I feel taxed, or stressed, or clenched.

What I found for me was that I had to practice choosing peaceful. It was not a place I could get to inside me very easily. Not only that, but I had some wacky ideas about what peace meant.

I used to think that feeling peaceful meant wearing long robes and walking at a snail’s pace with my hands tucked into my sleeves, eyes half closed and a weird smile. Huh. I don’t know where that image came from.

Peaceful meant no excitement, no passion, no adventure. It was all tofu and herbal tea.

I am so glad I was so wrong.

How do I choose serene? What makes me calm? Why do I enjoy my passions?

Turns out, peace is at my core. I feel it, even when I am laughing my head off because you are so hilarious, because it is part of my natural life.

When I am there, my life unfolds as it does. I don’t spend time fighting it or arguing with the Universe about it. My life brings me interesting things, wonderful people, the help I need, things to feel bliss about, joyful, and curious. Oh, I do like to feel curios.

Peaceful means that I remember compassion for me, and for you. I remember that we all have our unique set of gifts, talents, and skills. I remember that everyone has had stuff happen that challenged them, and that we are all doing our best..

Peaceful means that, when I encounter my pockets of resistance in the world, I can take the time I need to integrate them and move on.

Peaceful means that, if I don’t sleep well tonight, I know that will change and I can choose to feel awake. If I have some physical discomfort, I know that experience will shift around, and I can let it go. If I have sorrow, or anger, or fear come up, I can feel them, let it go, and get on with my life.

When I relax, I get peaceful. When I relax my emotions, the sense of peaceful deepens. When I relax my thoughts, peaceful draws me in.

When I feel peaceful, you like to be around me better. I like that.

How have I changed from feeling uptight to choosing peaceful?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 06302014

Declenchifying

Declenchifying

We are so good at so many things. Each of us has our own set of skills, talents, gifts, and blessings. Is relaxation on your list? Is that one of your skills?

There is so much more to relaxing than flopping down on the couch to watch TV.

When we relax our bodies, we let our muscles soften. Sometimes we may find that relaxing our muscles lets our joints self-adjust. Relaxing our bodies allows all of our body-systems to flow freely.

Why do I relax?

When we relax our minds, our thoughts flow past our awareness, like floating down a river. We aren’t thinking, but observing thought. And when we catch ourselves thinking a thought, we bring ourselves back to the river. This is meditation, like a reset for our minds.

Why am I centered?

When we relax our spirit, we stop striving for holiness, or enlightenment, or whatever our preferred spiritual pinnacle, and are able to be fully present. We experience bliss and joy. We see the beauty of the world. We feel compassion, generosity, peace. Gratitude and appreciation flow.

Why am I serene?

When we let our emotions relax, anger relaxes, fear relaxes. Anger takes resentments with it. We may find that we are more tolerant, kinder. Fear takes worry with it. And as we continue to relax, we find that we feel vulnerable, but we also find that we trust we will be okay. We are safe to acknowledge our feelings, we recognize the feelings we have that can make trouble for us, own them, let them go. We recognize the feelings that support us, own them, and nurture them.

Why am I calm?

I used to have the idea that if I was going to nurture my passions, I would have to sacrifice peace. I was used to seeing people I thought were passionate all churned up, temperamental, moody and self-absorbed. That part of following one’s passion was very unappealing to me. Turned out it wasn’t about following their passion, but about their not having chosen to grow up yet.

Why do I choose to choose?

When we decide to let life flow, everything relaxes. When change happens, which it always does, we can reacquire our equilibrium more readily when we choose to let life flow. When we choose to say “yes” to life, to relinquish our imagined control, our grip on the status quo, everything gets easier. I don’t know about you, but I sure like easier. This allows me another crazy freedom, namely, I get to be more fully me, expand my personality, so to speak. I am more flexible, so my world can expand, too. I have more options, I have more resources, and because I am relaxed, I have a lot more energy. I sure like that, too.

How have I changed from being good at clenched to being good at relaxed?

(c) Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02222014

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How to Win

How to Win

We are so interesting, us people. We love making rules, then we love to bend, or break those rules. We love to compete with each other, or we hate it and avoid it at all costs. We love to have power over each other, or to be overpowered. We praise, extol, and laud the ones who end up at the top, often without regard for how or why they got there. And sometimes we mock and jape at the ones who didn’t.

So with all that stuff going on inside us, in our groups and families and communities, it’s small wonder that we have a lot going on around the notion of winning and being a winner.

I’ve watched people who valued the laurels so much that they were willing to dump friends and hurt loved ones, and themselves, to get them. Others who would sabotage themselves, wreaking havoc around them,  to avoid winning.

Wow.

Life is so hard when we let the outside dictate how we think about ourselves. One of my old favorite bad creative questions was, “Why am I such a loser?” Yikes.

I could ask that question a hundred times a day, get a hundred different horrible answers, and never notice it. Insidious! I would feel awful, not even want to try at anything. I felt like the whole point of my communities was to make me feel bad about myself. And if I did well, it was either a fluke, or not well enough. I lived in a very unpleasant place.

It’s all in how we look at it. So simple, so challenging. It’s the superpower of my point of view.

Some of us tighten up and fight that loser feeling by working our poor little bottoms off to prove that we are winners. We run races, strive for the top, put our names up for all the awards and honors we can find, and, even though we may win and win and win, we find that we still don’t feel like a winner, we still can’t be convinced.

How do I feel when I am a winner? How else do I feel when I am a winner? What makes me a winner?

When I go inside with Creative Questions like those, and really apply them, I am a winner. I see wonderful, strong reasons why I am a winner, and I feel different out in the world. It’s like a miracle. I see that I cannot be made to feel winner-y from the outside in, but that I need to own it from the inside out.

When I redefine winning as achieving my best self, I can be a winner all the time. When I challenge me to do my best, I can accomplish amazing things, and I can feel satisfied with my accomplishments. And If I want, I can always make up my own certificates or trophies, and I can enjoy celebrating my successes with my loved ones. Or even by myself.

Using my good Creative Questions will make a big difference. So will relaxing. Unclenching the need to beat others, or to let others beat us. Softening, doing our best rather than striving for perfection.  In my natural life, I am always a winner.

How have I changed from feeling like a sucky loser to knowing I win whenever I do my best?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12242013

Why do I choose to share this contemplation? ;)

Ad Hoc Happiness

Ad Hoc Happiness

Doing without. The spirit of thrift. Making do. Reuse, repurpose, recycle. Jury rigging.

I pulled the Why am I Happy? card this morning, and surprisingly found myself considering some of what makes me feel happy.

As I made that list, I found myself thinking about how much fun I have figuring out how to make things work, what to do with leftovers, how to stretch stuff, how to be thrifty. It’s fun for me to find ways to save money without making sacrifices, because one thing I’ve learned about me is that, when I feel like I’m sacrificing, I feel resentful, not happy. But that’s just me.

One reason I like to come up with new life for things, or foods, is because then I feel resourceful and creative.  I like knowing how to fold paper into useful objects; a chopstick stand from it’s own wrapper, a cup from a sheet of paper when I am thirsty, or a fan when I am hot.

Feeling resourceful and creative are elements of happiness for me.

Loving and feeling loved are other elements. Feeling useful and productive, feeling spiritual, feeling like I am taking good care of me, and you, being generous, and kind; these are things that are part of feeling happy for me.

On the other hand, there is happiness that is just feeling light inside, uplifted, fluffy. When I talk about changing feelings as easily as changing your mind, this is the feeling I’m talking about. This feeling is simple, easy to get to; basically, yours for the taking.

Why do I choose to feel happy? What makes me feel light? Why do I choose uplifted?

So turn off the sad music right now, get some light on you, and let’s get started.

First step, relax. That’s the first step for a lot of stuff. It’s not just our muscles that need to relax, but our thoughts and feelings. If I am not feeling peaceful, something is clenched somewhere within me, and practicing relaxing when I feel good or okay is wonderful practice for getting back to peaceful quickly and easily when it’s something bigger.

Step two, start asking those good Creative Questions. Chances are better than not that I am all frothy with bad creative questions; Why is it so hard? Why do I feel so bad? What’s wrong with them? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I ever do X? Why does X always happen to me? Well, you know what your favorites are, and if you don’t, now is the perfect time to start noticing. One of my favorites is What’s wrong with me? with the quick answer, I suck. Identifying your question makes it much easier to flip it into a Creative Question.

Step three, change your posture and facial expression. A very nice rule of thumb is this, if you want to feel blue, slump and frown. Cave in your chest, shorten your breathing, and droop the corners of your mouth. If you want to feel light, sit up and smile, at least crinkle the corners of your eyes, ask your good Creative Questions, and breathe some good, refreshing deep breaths.

When I choose happy, everything gets easier. It’s easier to dump my negative emotional judgments, my resentments, my sense of betrayal over little things. It’s easier to let my emotions flow when I know I can chose how I want to feel. And it’s easier for you to be around me. Practice makes the happiness groove easier and easier to get into. Nice when something beyond the normal daily drivel happens.

How have I changed from feeling like happiness is a mysterious thing randomly bestowed and snatched away to getting that I am in charge of my own happiness?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12012013