Unsquelching Passion

Unsquelching Passion

How’s your passion today? Are you feeling it? How do you feel when you are passionate about something?

One of the joys of being human is having passions. I love how I can be passionate about something little and silly like a puzzle game, to something important to me like my qigong practice, to something big and meaningful like writing to you each day.

Because we are people, we have an astonishing capacity for passion.

What makes me passionate? How do I express my enthusiasm? Why am I creative?

What’s that? Creative? What does creativity have to do with passion? One thought I have is that I can be creative without passion, but it’s pretty hard for me to be passionate without being creative.

Some of us acquired some mislearning that says being passionate is bad. Perhaps we got nailed for being spontaneous. Perhaps we practiced our creativity on the walls in markers or crayons, and got punished. So we learned that spontaneity is bad. We learned not to make a move unless we had a plan.

We are asking ourselves questions like, “Why do I hold back? What makes me hide my light? Why do I suppress me?” (These are bad creative questions. Do not practice these. If you are, flip ‘em into good ones!)

There are a lot of ways that we learn to stifle ourselves. Fear is often a big one. Fear of punishment, fear of disapproval, fear of getting in trouble, fear of failure, fear of rocking the boat.

Oo. That’s a big one for some of us. We want to try at all costs to maintain a status quo, a status quo that may not be very supportive of us living our best life. We have an idea that we don’t like change.

The irony lies in the fact that we often go to extraordinary lengths to keep the appearance of sameness. At the very least, we have to deny a ton of stuff, because, whereas we can find ways to avoid taxes, and, while we are alive, we avoid death, we sure as shootin’ can’t avoid change. Our very bodies are in constant flux.

When I choose to flow with my life, rather than trying to harness it, I start to enjoy being spontaneous again. I may not choose to color on my walls with crayons, I may not choose to walk away from my job. What I have been doing lately, with a heavy schedule and not a lot of free time, is scheduling time for spontaneous decisions. It sounds like a contradiction, but what it means is that I have time each week to do anything I want. I may take a little road trip, or act like a tourist in my own town. I may take a class, or go on an adventure, or shut myself up in my house and hibernate. The point is that I get to be spontaneous, I get to practice my creative mind, and I get to think of ways to squish as much fun into what I do as I can.

How have I changed from squelching my spontaneity to embracing my passions and creativity?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05182014

It’s Just Not True

It’s Just Not True

We all go through rough patches. If we are lucky, they are short. Sometimes that patch can last for years. Some people call it the human condition. I think It’s more like a starting point to becoming our own, glorious selves.

Why do I choose to change? What makes me evolve? How do I know what to do?

We all have stuff. If we are lucky, we can muster our resources, and deal with it. Sometimes we think we don’t have resources, and are just kind of doomed. I think our stuff points us in our own particular direction.

What makes me wise? How do I know I have smarts? How do I know what to do?

We all have a past. If we are lucky, it is just our past, and not informing our present, distorting our perceptions, twisting our relationships. Some of us think that ignoring and forgetting makes that damage go away. That works as well with the clunk under the hood. Next thing you know, you have some sort of huge breakdown on the side of the highway. Ugh.

Why do I choose to integrate my past?

You know what I think about luck. You know I believe we create an environment in which luck, if you will, can flourish. That’s part of what becoming a grownup, an enlightened being, is all about.

We each have a topic particular to us. This is our very first mislearning. This mislearning colors every breath we take. Each thought is tinged by it. And so, all our emotions, feelings, and behavior likewise are touched. We call it “personal doubt.”

For some of us, it’s feeling wrong, or feeling like we always hurt people. Some of us feel like we aren’t good enough no matter what, or that we are damaged goods, beyond redemption. Maybe it is that things never go our way, or that we are undeserving, or have a mysterious fatal flaw. There are lots of variations.

And it’s lies, all lies.

We work our butts off, either to prove that our personal doubt is true, and we can’t do anything right, or we do hurt people, or we are garbage, or that it’s false, and we bust our humps over-achieving, but through it all we hang onto it’s premise as our own defining characteristic. And, curiously, as we clean up our stuff, this particular one will show up more and more vividly.

Challenging, yes, but on the other hand, if you are having your personal doubt come up a lot a lot, it lets you know how well you are doing at becoming a grown up. Good for you! Ow! Stop hitting me! I know it’s uncomfortable, but it’s a good thing.

When we remember that our personal doubt is a mislearning, we can move past it. Because it touches everything, we have to address it at a lot of different points. It’s still a mislearning, and under that mislearning, I am my perfect self, divine and infinite.

How have I changed from leading my life from my personal doubt to believing I am a divine and perfect being?

(c) 2014 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02022014

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Changing My Ways

Changing My Ways

I am not my behavior. You aren’t, either. This is really important, especially if we have feelings of being bad and wrong.

A lot of us feel like that. We feel like we can’t do enough. We feel like we can’t do it right. We feel like there is something wrong with us. Sometimes we end up feeling unloved or even unlovable.

Our feelings are born of our thoughts.

I am not my behavior. I am also not my thoughts. I am a divine and infinite being in human form, and subject to human frailties.

What?

All that means, is that I can take a step back and think about what I think about. How cool is that. It means that I can develop an awareness of self that reaches deep inside me. I can look at my thoughts and actions, and see patterns, and as I see those patterns I don’t like, I can come up with ways to change them. How fabulously cool is that!

I can change my ways.

In the dark ages, I felt like a prisoner of my stupid behavior and horrible judgment. I felt mired up to my neck in bad feelings, and feeling like I was a bad person.

If I find that I feel bad, wrong, useless, inadequate, incompetent, and so on, I have a nice, clear task. Because now that I know I am a divine and infinite being, I know that I am living a lie. I am good enough, I just need to get there. I can change my ways.

The easiest way I know to do that is to change the root of the thought that I’m not good enough. If I can find the first instance of me having that thought, and work through it there, all I have to do is watch for, and interrupt, the habit of it.

If I can’t find the root, Creative Questions will still erode that original trauma, and the more I work with my Creative Questions, the more I will relieve those bad feelings. I have even had the experience that the right Creative Question created instant results.

Why am I good enough. How do I know I am valuable? What makes me feel useful? Why am I so competent? How do I feel when I feel good enough?

The more I work with my questions, the more my thoughts will change. The more my thoughts change, the more my behavior changes. It’s automatic. And that makes it so easy.

Once I start experiencing these nice, new changes, I feel accomplished. Feeling accomplished feels good, and those feelings will grow. How am I accomplished? Why am I accomplished?

So, ask good Creative Questions with the results you want built in. Notice your new responses to your new thoughts. Watch for old habits, and interrupt them the moment you notice. I find that becoming still, or saying, “stop.” or taking a deep, slow breath is often enough to disrupt an old habit I want to change. Sometimes I find it useful to stick up notes on my walls to remind me, but be sure to either use your good Creative Questions, or a positive reminder.

How have I changed from feeling bad to knowing, believing, and feeling good enough?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12072013

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Ad Hoc Happiness

Ad Hoc Happiness

Doing without. The spirit of thrift. Making do. Reuse, repurpose, recycle. Jury rigging.

I pulled the Why am I Happy? card this morning, and surprisingly found myself considering some of what makes me feel happy.

As I made that list, I found myself thinking about how much fun I have figuring out how to make things work, what to do with leftovers, how to stretch stuff, how to be thrifty. It’s fun for me to find ways to save money without making sacrifices, because one thing I’ve learned about me is that, when I feel like I’m sacrificing, I feel resentful, not happy. But that’s just me.

One reason I like to come up with new life for things, or foods, is because then I feel resourceful and creative.  I like knowing how to fold paper into useful objects; a chopstick stand from it’s own wrapper, a cup from a sheet of paper when I am thirsty, or a fan when I am hot.

Feeling resourceful and creative are elements of happiness for me.

Loving and feeling loved are other elements. Feeling useful and productive, feeling spiritual, feeling like I am taking good care of me, and you, being generous, and kind; these are things that are part of feeling happy for me.

On the other hand, there is happiness that is just feeling light inside, uplifted, fluffy. When I talk about changing feelings as easily as changing your mind, this is the feeling I’m talking about. This feeling is simple, easy to get to; basically, yours for the taking.

Why do I choose to feel happy? What makes me feel light? Why do I choose uplifted?

So turn off the sad music right now, get some light on you, and let’s get started.

First step, relax. That’s the first step for a lot of stuff. It’s not just our muscles that need to relax, but our thoughts and feelings. If I am not feeling peaceful, something is clenched somewhere within me, and practicing relaxing when I feel good or okay is wonderful practice for getting back to peaceful quickly and easily when it’s something bigger.

Step two, start asking those good Creative Questions. Chances are better than not that I am all frothy with bad creative questions; Why is it so hard? Why do I feel so bad? What’s wrong with them? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I ever do X? Why does X always happen to me? Well, you know what your favorites are, and if you don’t, now is the perfect time to start noticing. One of my favorites is What’s wrong with me? with the quick answer, I suck. Identifying your question makes it much easier to flip it into a Creative Question.

Step three, change your posture and facial expression. A very nice rule of thumb is this, if you want to feel blue, slump and frown. Cave in your chest, shorten your breathing, and droop the corners of your mouth. If you want to feel light, sit up and smile, at least crinkle the corners of your eyes, ask your good Creative Questions, and breathe some good, refreshing deep breaths.

When I choose happy, everything gets easier. It’s easier to dump my negative emotional judgments, my resentments, my sense of betrayal over little things. It’s easier to let my emotions flow when I know I can chose how I want to feel. And it’s easier for you to be around me. Practice makes the happiness groove easier and easier to get into. Nice when something beyond the normal daily drivel happens.

How have I changed from feeling like happiness is a mysterious thing randomly bestowed and snatched away to getting that I am in charge of my own happiness?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12012013

Beating "Them"

Beating “Them”

I have been doing a lot more driving than I have for a long time. This time of year, a lot of it is on freeways in the dark. I get thinky. I was thinking about being compliant, and how I feel about that.

On the one hand, I am a first kid, and that means that I uphold the rules. On the other hand, I am also a rabble rouser, and that means shaking the rule-tree a bit to see what falls out. On the third hand, my purpose is to create safe space for our personal evolution. Yeah, so I get thinky.

I like being happy. I like living my natural life when everything is easy, and enjoyable, and I feel peaceful at my core.

That being the case, I’ve gotten more discerning when it comes to choosing my “battles.” In short, I seem, from the outside, more compliant.

The rabble rouser in me gets her hackles up at the word “compliant.” As a flower child from the 70s, I have feelings about “the establishment” and “their rules.” I think it’s hilarious, but there you go. Following any status quo blindly doesn’t do much for anyone’s personal evolution. The blanket do-this-do-that shows up and I get all, “no I won’t!” regardless of who is throwing down the rules.

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So when I started thinking about what my not complying meant for me and my colleagues, I realized that I needed to more compliant, but with my purpose, not necessarily with “their” rules.

Now, I like feeling pliable. I like feeling adaptable, responsive rather than reactive. When I feel responsive rather than reactive, I feel spacious on the inside, relaxed and peaceful. Being flexible around the flow of my life keeps things easy.

Why do I choose my natural life? What makes me choose happiness? How do I know I can change?

When I can notice the situations where I clench, when I can relax that clench, I create space for choice. I can choose my behavior, I can choose my actions. Being responsive instead of reactive, and I have liberated myself from the tyranny of my own thoughts, my unsupportive beliefs. I stop being my own “They.”

This attitude of mine is why I promote our change with Creative Questions, and not so much with do-this-do-that. Creative Questions automatically work with your mind, with your understandings, your beliefs, your experience. The best therapist in the world will never be able to do that. You get instant feedback in your body when you ask Creative Questions, and you can tweak and tailor them to your exact needs in the moment.

At the same time, I always want to tell you what has worked for me, in case you need a little inspiration or motivation.

It’s why I love to draw a card from my Creative Questions deck every single day. Having that card start my day reminds me to use Creative Questions, reminds me to use the tools I’ve acquired for happy living, reminds me that bad feels are old habits and I am creative and powerful and can change my habits.

How have I changed from fighting “Them” to supporting my purpose?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 11172013

Indiana Holmes and Sherlock Jones

Indiana Holmes and Sherlock Jones

Transitions can be really fun, especially when you are transitioning from something to something that suits you better.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that each moment is perfection. I also know that my life is in constant motion; and, while I may not have a ton of control over what happens, I have almost total control over how I respond to it.

It seems to me that the more old trauma I clear out, the more I address habits that don’t support me, the easier every single thing is. I can enjoy the occasional cranky time when it hardly ever shows up anymore, and only lasts an hour or so. I can fully experience my grief when I feel settled in my heart. I can relax more deeply because I practice releasing worry and guilt.

When we commit to enjoying our lives, lots of little transitions start to show up. As we deepen our commitment, more opportunities for positive change present themselves, and all we have to do is trust, and take them. Why do I have delightful surprises?

We may find ourselves shifting our image, changing our style. Perhaps we gain or lose weight, or change our fitness level. Perhaps we cut or grow out our hair. We find ourselves smiling in the mirror more that not, smiling at an ally, our staunchest supporter, our best friend. Why do I like my image?

Perhaps we find that we shift our living arrangements. Maybe we move furniture around, or build an addition, or take down a wall. Perhaps we move, perhaps we acquire or release a second home. We find ourselves smiling as we get closer to home because home is so right. What makes my home perfect for me?

Sometimes we will have it happen that we change our work spaces. Our office space may shift from cluttered to clear, or from sterile to warm. Sometimes, we will revamp a system that used to work for us. We may claim or release work space in our home. How is my work space just right?

We might take up or quit a hobby, bring new friends into our lives, or release old friends who want us to stay as we were. We may let go of things that remind us of great sorrows, or lost loves. We may let go of things that remind us to feel old, or angry, or useless. We may bring in things that remind us feel happy, or loved, or accomplished. Why do I like what I do?

When we commit to enjoying our lives, we find the value in each moment, even when the moment is challenging. When I expect life to prove it’s worth me, like a hostile audience member, I will find little value in my moments, but when I am actively seeking pleasures, value, and worth, one part Indiana Jones, one part Sherlock Holmes, I will find treasure over and over in seemingly unlikely places.

Relaxing into my natural life, being aware of my living, appreciating my pleasures, the little gifts, the joys, purity of clean emotion, these things make my life rich, full of treasured moments, full of love.

How have I changed from dissing my life to loving to live my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10092013

Unhobbling the Cash Cow

Hobbling the Cash Cow

Resistance. I know none of you have any kind of resistance to change, but I must confess that I do. Sometimes I think of it as my stubborn streak, and from time to time it does serve me well, but, well, it’s all those other times.

Today I drew the Cash card, and had a flare of “no!” show up. Resistance.

Resistance is a gift of ego. It’s ego’s way of maintaining the status quo. Ego likes the way things are. Ego will fight change all the way. Ego doesn’t care if you are suffering with the way things are, that’s the way ego wants things to stay.

So what do we do? Are we doomed to be flattened by ego over and over, never making progress, always feeling bad?

Of course not! (Play superhero theme music here.) Enter the Power of Choice!

Choice is the ego’s worst enemy. When we remember to choose, and then choose, ego is quieted. When we remember to choose, and then choose, we are powerful. We effect change. We create the world we want to live in, and ego be damned.

I have had resistance around owning a surplus of money. I have changed many aspects of this, I’ve made wonderful progress, and continue to do so. It is one of my ego’s strongholds. And the more crap I get out of my emotional basement, the more I notice it.

Creative Questions help so much to transform resistance into our desired change. When we find some resistance to a Creative Question we really want to accept, there are a lot of things we can do to soften our egos up.

We can add the words “would” or “could” to our Question. When I am working with a Question and I’m getting a “NO!” response to it, adding would or could to the Question makes just enough wiggle room that I often can dispel the “no” just that easily. And when I add the word, “else” to the mix, step outta the way, Sally!

Why else would I have a surplus of money? How else could I have my own savings? How else could I personally channel the unlimited supply of extra cash?

Powerful, dynamic, comfortable, easy.

When we decide to release our resistance to the possibility of a nicer life, we start to have one. When we decide to release our resistance to more enjoyment, we find it. We can find ourselves delighted with our transformation, and surprise ourselves with the ease of transition.

We can send our ego off to count the leaves on the trees, or grains of sand at the beach.

Owning that I am resistant is the first step. It is very different from saying, “I just can’t do it.” If you want, I will give instructions for a Creative Questions Acceptance Train exercise. Just let me know.

How have I changed from resisting something I think I want, to accepting the transformation with grace and joy?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09102013

Esteem Cleaning

Esteem Cleaning

So here’s a funny thought. I can hold you in great esteem till your fingers go all pruney, but until you decide it makes no difference. You have to choose to soak it up.

Like so many other things, I create my sense of worth. It matters not how much you value me, or how many honors I receive, or how loved I am, if I don’t feel it, it don’t exist.

It seems so strange, but there you have it. I know, I lived there.

I felt as useful as dried up pond scum for a long time. It was part of what I wanted when I decided I wanted to be happy. I didn’t have a clue how I was going to get there, but I knew I just wanted it so much.

And, like all the other stuff, it took practice to change the habit of self-loathing.

As with so much, from “where did I put my keys?” to “how do I learn to love myself?” starting from a place of awareness will make the whole transition pretty simple. With the keys/wallet/cell phone thing, when I take a moment to be aware of where I am putting them. I will usually be able to find them later. When I take a moment to notice self-hate talk, and correct it, I can break my habit.

Using Creative Questions makes the transition from old way to new way much, much easier. Here’s how to do it.

It helps to be ready with things we like about ourselves when we are changing this habit. Spending a bit of time to notice three things each we like about our appearance, our mind, our behavior or personality, and our spirit, and then write ‘em down, so we can rehearse them as we are actively changing the habit.

Saying, “my eyes don’t suck too much” is kind of missing the boat. So is, “I don’t hate my eyes.” Even if you feel like you don’t really mean it, start with, “I like my eyes,” or whatever parts of you you’ve chosen. I like my curiosity. I like my kindness. I like my openness, for example.

Remember that you always want to phrase your Creative Questions with the result you want, clearly and specifically. “Why do I think I don’t suck too much?” is a very bad creative question. “Why do I love me?” is a good one.

When you are committed to changing a habit, write it down. And use a pen and paper. Writing, especially cursive writing, get deeper into our psyche than typing does. It doesn’t really matter if you can’t even read your writing. It’s the physical act.

The writing exercise goes like this:

For seven days, write down your question, and and any responses you get from asking it. Use all three pronouns, that is, why do I, Pam, love me? Why do you, Pam, love yourself? Why does she, Pam, love herself? Write each question three times, with responses. If you don’t get a response, that’s okay. If you get a negative response, continue with that question, adding the words “would” or “could” until the negative response releases. Then do the same with “How do I, Pam, love me?” and so on, and “What makes me, Pam, love me?” and so on.

On the one hand, it’s a lot of writing. On the other hand, you are worth it.  

How have I changed from hating me to loving my amazing self?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08292013

Committed

Committed

Do you ever feel stuck? Like no matter what you do, you can’t make the change you want? Yeah, me, either. But I’ve read about it in a book.

We live the life we are committed to.

It’s sucks if you don’t happen to like it, but all is not lost. You have the power to make change.

So then the question arises, “What am I committed to?”

The answer is all around you.

What I complain about the most is often what I am the most committed to. I know, it’s irritating as all get out, but there you have it. Perhaps it is my horrible job. Or horrible relationship, or horrible debt, or horrible health, or horrible housing, or being horribly busy.

Why on earth would I be committed to something like that?

Researchers are finding more and more evidence that we have our belief systems pretty much locked in by age six. This is why it is so important to clean out our emo basements. As we look into that darkness, as we address and complete those old traumas, we change our beliefs.

Sometimes our commitment to a horrible job stems from how we were treated as small children; long, boring tasks, or nasty, bossy older-than-us people pushing us around, and we helpless to stop them.

Sometimes our commitment to a horrible relationship stems from  how someone whom we loved, with power over us, was cruel to us, or a parent, or another sib.

Sometimes our commitment to debt comes from a belief that people who have money are bad, sometimes it comes from a deeper commitment to getting stuff, or to avoid being taken from, and so on.

Each of us has our own reasons for our own commitments. That’s why we have to look into our deep self for the answers we want.

We can loosen our negative commitment’s hold on us with Creative Questions. How have I changed from (old commitment) to (what I really want?) What makes me committed to (what I really want?)

We can loosen its hold on us by getting to the initial mislearning and correcting it.

We won’t change it by beating ourselves up for the commitment.

We won’t change it through shaming or nagging or begging or complaining.

Because we have the power of choice, we can change our commitments. Because we have the power of choice, we can arrange our environment to remind us to choose what we want. We can choose where to put our energy, how to spend our time. We can choose to act effectively and efficiently and flexibly.

How have I changed from hating my commitments to committing with joy and enthusiasm?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2012 all rights reserved 08172013