H.A.L.T.

H.A.L.T.

Lately, I haven’t been thinking a lot about my goals. That’s okay, I have ‘em and there is probably time. Instead, I have been thinking about my commitments. One of the reasons is because my physical well-being has been so in my face lately, my spoons of NRG have changed so much, and I am finding that I just don’t give a rip about some stuff that matters when I feel differently.

Huh.

Some of my intentions have stayed strong. My intention to be present and aware. My intention for personal growth. My intention to positivity. My intention to teach. My intention to enjoy peace at my core. No trouble with those. They are pretty much habits now.

At the same time I am finding myself going through periods of feeling crummy. It may be queasiness, or muscle stuff, or apathy-inducing fatigue, or several other rather unpleasant experiences. This is the time for my commitments to shine. While I am making sure to get good rest, I also have cause to be up and at ‘em for at least several hours a day. Sometimes I will notice that I am all hunched over. Usually I am also, then, feeling down to go with the posture.

Why do I choose to be positive? Why do I choose to look at the bright side? How does my positivity serve me?

One of the things I am bringing a commitment to is my posture. When I am hunch-y, I feel hunch-y, crunchy, down in the mouth, and I notice every little thing that feels off or bad.

When I shift my posture to an uplifted stance I feel better. It is easier to notice what feels good. I can commit to feeling good even when I feel crummy. Good is relative in a bunch of ways. Instead of thinking, “Gah, I feel so crappy.” I can choose to ask, “How do I feel good today?” and shower my mind and body with a good Creative Question. It is a simple, mechanical fix that works.

When I am feeling crummy day after day, I can let it become a feature of my internal landscape, a new set-point so to speak, and riff off of that point. Maybe I don’t feel great compared to my pre-cancer days, but I can feel great relative to yesterday. Or this morning.

How do I choose to feel good? How am I healthy? What makes me resilient?

I can be aware of my posture, and remember that “upright and relaxed” will always improve my sense of well-being. If it’s available, getting sunshine in my eyes will also help, and often requires looking up. I don’t mean stare at the sun, but I do mean let it shine on your face, and indirectly flood your eyes.

I can remember the phrase, “H.A.L.T.” or “Never let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.” Any one of those can bring us down, and a combination of them can be devastating.

If my discomfort is being particularly annoying, getting into my head is a good way to take a break. A good book, or movie, or puzzle, or chat about anything other than how I’m feeling,  will often distract me enough so that I stop feeding the discomfort attention, which makes it stronger.

Being committed to things makes us creative, especially when our commitment is challenged. That creativity can often help us grow emotionally, giving us more confidence, a stronger sense of capability, a sense of being competent.

How have I changed from focusing on what I don’t want to making commitments for what I do want?

© Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 10142014

Committing to Choice

Committing to Choice

The commitment card came up again today. Yeah, commitment. Where do I put my energy and efforts?

I love looking at semantics, my own because of the power they have to flip me this way or that, and ours to see what burns us, and what spurs us.

I used to be into “self-help” because I felt too damaged to wanna go public with needing help. I know, it was pretty sad. Now, the phrase I like is “personal growth” and get help all over the place.

I’ve learned to look around me to see what my commitments are. I’ve learned to pay attention to my tiny choices, you know the ones that, baby step by baby step, take you away from your good intentions until you can’t figure out how you got where you are, or how to get back.

Tiny choices.

We start the moment we wake up, before we open our eyes, we often have a thought, make a choice, about how we are going to address our day. The crazy thing is, that thought is often both unconscious and a habit. I think that’s amazing, for all our love of the idea of freedom.

I will never be free while I am enslaved by my unconscious habit thoughts. As long as I have thoughts that say life is hard, or I can’t, or I’m not enough, or things don’t go my way, or whatever my favorites happen to be, I’m subject to the whims and fancies of my unconscious mind.  

When I start my morning with a Creative Question like, “Why would I have a good day?” I get my unconscious mind thinking on something new and supportive. If I continue to ask variations on that Question as I go  through my morning routine, I start looking for ways that I’m having a good day. Chances are, those things were there, but since I was focused on my bad day, I didn’t count ‘em. Maybe I didn’t even see them.

When I was first getting started, I had Creative Questions posted all over the place. I wrote them on my bathroom mirror in eyebrow pencil, I put them on sticky notes and put ‘em by the door to see when I left the house, on the dashboard of the car, on my monitor at work.

And I wrote them out. Well, I still do that. Why do I, Pam, have a good day? Why do you, Pam, have a good day? Why does she, Pam, have a good day? How do I, Pam, have a good day? And so on.

Tiny choices.

Why do I choose my commitments? Why do I choose my attitude? How do I choose my state of mind?

We like to think that our moods, our state of mind, is somehow not in our control. That it’s because we had a bad day, or we are in a challenging relationship, or something else outside of us. When I make the commitment to take responsibility for my emotional well-being, I can choose to start feeling better.

How have I changed from feeling buffeted from feeling like I am at the helm of my emotional boat?

(c) 2014 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 01262014

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Finding the Grace of Commitment

Finding the Grace of Commitment

Everybody’s got stuff. Some of us have big stuff, some of us have little stuff. Some of us are wondering about bankruptcy, others are wondering what they are supposed to do with a ten thousand dollar windfall. Some of us are longing for a relationship, others are wondering how to get out of a relationship. Some of us are worried about foreclosure, others are worried about which summer place to buy. We all got stuff.

What makes the difference is simply how we deal, what manner of addressing our stuff are we committed to?

When we have stuff and freak out about it, or get pissed, or resentful, or otherwise bend ourselves out of shape, we make everything harder.

Me, I like easy.

Sometimes, when I get stuff, I flip right  into the upset to start. “When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.” Oy. What a waste of energy. And most of the time, flipping out just makes stuff worse, or at the very most minimum, it puts off getting things resolved.

I am pretty committed to easy, though, and enjoyable, and while a freakout is enjoyable to me in tiny doses, it really isn’t to anyone else, and the cost is pretty high.

I used to think my problem was that I couldn’t commit. That wasn’t the issue. I was committed to having problems. I was committed to making things harder than they needed to be. I was committed to struggle, suffering and misery. All I needed to do was look around at my life to see where my commitments lay. Yuck.

I was committed to low paying jobs that were a ton of work. I was committed to unsatisfying relationships full of strife. I was committed to a hoarding lifestyle full of anxiety and, is the opposite of well being, poor being? Well, whatever it was, that’s what I was committed to.

If there was a way to make it tougher, I was all about it.

Look to your life to see where your commitments lie. Now that you know, you get to choose. Is this what I want to be committed to? Is this how I want my life to be?

What makes me choose my commitments? What makes me decide? Why do I own my commitments?

Because I am committed to being a grownup, or enlightened being, or evolved, or whatever you want to call it, I have to take responsibility for my commitments. I choose to own them, and to follow through on them.

I have to own my errors, I have to own my failures, but I also have to own my successes, take responsibility for my behavior, and remember that I am the creator of my life. I am committed to creating peaceful space in my life, with room for me, and room for you, space where we can do what we need to do to be our best selves.

When we own our commitments, we follow through on them naturally. When we own our commitments, procrastination falls by the wayside because we enjoy them. When we own our commitments, completion also comes naturally, and then we get to celebrate, and boy, do we like to celebrate!

How have I changed from procrastinating and quitting to enjoying follow through and finishing?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10082013

Committed

Committed

Do you ever feel stuck? Like no matter what you do, you can’t make the change you want? Yeah, me, either. But I’ve read about it in a book.

We live the life we are committed to.

It’s sucks if you don’t happen to like it, but all is not lost. You have the power to make change.

So then the question arises, “What am I committed to?”

The answer is all around you.

What I complain about the most is often what I am the most committed to. I know, it’s irritating as all get out, but there you have it. Perhaps it is my horrible job. Or horrible relationship, or horrible debt, or horrible health, or horrible housing, or being horribly busy.

Why on earth would I be committed to something like that?

Researchers are finding more and more evidence that we have our belief systems pretty much locked in by age six. This is why it is so important to clean out our emo basements. As we look into that darkness, as we address and complete those old traumas, we change our beliefs.

Sometimes our commitment to a horrible job stems from how we were treated as small children; long, boring tasks, or nasty, bossy older-than-us people pushing us around, and we helpless to stop them.

Sometimes our commitment to a horrible relationship stems from  how someone whom we loved, with power over us, was cruel to us, or a parent, or another sib.

Sometimes our commitment to debt comes from a belief that people who have money are bad, sometimes it comes from a deeper commitment to getting stuff, or to avoid being taken from, and so on.

Each of us has our own reasons for our own commitments. That’s why we have to look into our deep self for the answers we want.

We can loosen our negative commitment’s hold on us with Creative Questions. How have I changed from (old commitment) to (what I really want?) What makes me committed to (what I really want?)

We can loosen its hold on us by getting to the initial mislearning and correcting it.

We won’t change it by beating ourselves up for the commitment.

We won’t change it through shaming or nagging or begging or complaining.

Because we have the power of choice, we can change our commitments. Because we have the power of choice, we can arrange our environment to remind us to choose what we want. We can choose where to put our energy, how to spend our time. We can choose to act effectively and efficiently and flexibly.

How have I changed from hating my commitments to committing with joy and enthusiasm?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2012 all rights reserved 08172013