How to Get Going

How to Get Going

Ok, I pulled the “Why do I commit?” card today. I am so in love with this question these days. I tend to pair it with “What am I committed to?” because the two together are so darn powerful.

One of the most insidious blocks to us living the life we think we want is habit. I am smack dab in the middle of this right now because I had to totally revamp my routines while I was playing chemo-surgery-radiation. Now that I am in recovery mode, I find that I often fall into doing those routines, a lot of not doing much that gets me not very anywhere. They were great when I had little energy and almost no attention span, but they are no longer of much use to me. Just habit.

Did you notice that I said, “the life we think we want”? Do you know why I said that? Cuz whether we like it or not, we are living the life we are choosing. It’s those thousand tiny choices we make every day. The choice not to think about “that thing.” The choice to eat this. The choice to ignore our longings for all sorts of reasons, often unconscious reasons at that!

The point is that we are committed to the life we are currently living regardless of how we feel about it.

Huh.

So what do I do about that?

I like lists. Thing is, my ToDo list is about three miles long and I am lucky if I get a thing or two done on it a day. I’ve been working on it for decades and mostly I have found that it just makes me feel guilty. Now, there is stuff that I get done pretty much every day. There are deadlines that I meet, goals I achieve. How do I do that?

It’s not the list.

I get stuff done when I make time for it. Doesn’t matter if it is on a list. Before my adventures in wonderland started, before my emergency surgery, I had some pretty slick routines going. I got stuff done. I felt productive. I was accomplishing stuff I wanted to accomplish. It was easy and fun.

I kinda feel all balky about starting them up again or even making new ones. So then what?

Why am I inspired? What makes me feel motivated? How am I so creative?

When I am needing a nice kick in the starter, I ask myself, “What am I committed to?” Frankly, despite what feels like evidence to the contrary, I’m not really committed to watching all of Netflix. When I ask that question, I remind myself of what is actually important to me; fluffing up my living space, physical culture, learning, emo growth, social interaction, self-care, art and craft.

One of the kinds of lists I do like is a Be-Do-Have list. I’ve been using these forever. Take your time to think about and write down 100 things you want to be, 100 things you want to do, 100 things you want to have. It’s surprisingly challenging, but keeping that list around helps me remember to make time for that stuff.

How have I changed from living habits left over from old circumstances to committing to the life I really want?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2016 all rights reserved 09192016

I Oughta Be Committed

I Oughta Be Committed

What do you think about commitment? I always think it’s funny when I hear people say that they can’t commit. Commitment is part of living. The question is simply, “What am I committed to?”

All I have to do is look at my life to see my different commitments. For example, I am committed to surrounding myself with excellent people. I am committed to maintaining order at my job and in my car, but I seem to be committed to chaos in my home. I am committed to living a happy life. I am committed to sharing the lessons I have learned about how to do that.

Why am I committed? What makes me commit? How have I changed from thinking I can’t commit to choosing my commitments?

Oh. Right. Choice. When I have taken an inventory of my commitments based on my observations, I can compare them to what I want to be committed to. I get to choose my commitments. I get to commit to choosing my commitments! Ahahahahah!

I hear some of us wondering why we would care about our commitments. You could say it’s all about time and resource management. And about bringing our lives in line with what we want.

When I am obviously committed to something I don’t like, I spend a lot of T and R not liking it. If I whine about it without taking action, I compound the expenditure of resource because now I have involved you, squandering your T and R as well. Dang!

Sometimes we think of our “disliked” commitments more as weighty liabilities, as burdens, as constraints. We say that we want to feel free, but we keep finding ourselves in situations where we feel overwhelmed, or trapped, or suffocated. We feel doomed.

In the days of yore, I was committed to misery. Seriously. I was committed to feeling awful. My commitment was strong, I was also committed to overwhelm and feeling doomed. I would joke that I had three feelings; terrible, bad, and not bad. I hated it, but spent hours everyday talking about how much I hated it. I fed my commitment with attention, with focus, and with practice. I felt powerless to do anything about it.

Turned out I was wrong.

I love to admit I was wrong when it comes to this kind of stuff. It means my life is going to be so much better.

I had to make a commitment to change my bad commitment! I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it took to become a happy person. I had no idea what that even meant back then, but I was determined. It took me some time. The current spate of information and support didn’t exist back then. One thing I remember doing was wearing a rubber band on my wrist and giving it a little snap every time I had an ugly thought. I didn’t know to change it to a good thought back then, but I did manage to slow down the bad ones.

There is so much help available now. On-line groups filled with like-minded people, wonderful websites, texting, new techniques to help us change. We can, you know, change what we are committed to. We just need to make that commitment.

How have I changed from being committed to icky stuff to loving my commitments to my wonderful life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2016 all rights reserved 06232016

Committing to Choice

Committing to Choice

The commitment card came up again today. Yeah, commitment. Where do I put my energy and efforts?

I love looking at semantics, my own because of the power they have to flip me this way or that, and ours to see what burns us, and what spurs us.

I used to be into “self-help” because I felt too damaged to wanna go public with needing help. I know, it was pretty sad. Now, the phrase I like is “personal growth” and get help all over the place.

I’ve learned to look around me to see what my commitments are. I’ve learned to pay attention to my tiny choices, you know the ones that, baby step by baby step, take you away from your good intentions until you can’t figure out how you got where you are, or how to get back.

Tiny choices.

We start the moment we wake up, before we open our eyes, we often have a thought, make a choice, about how we are going to address our day. The crazy thing is, that thought is often both unconscious and a habit. I think that’s amazing, for all our love of the idea of freedom.

I will never be free while I am enslaved by my unconscious habit thoughts. As long as I have thoughts that say life is hard, or I can’t, or I’m not enough, or things don’t go my way, or whatever my favorites happen to be, I’m subject to the whims and fancies of my unconscious mind.  

When I start my morning with a Creative Question like, “Why would I have a good day?” I get my unconscious mind thinking on something new and supportive. If I continue to ask variations on that Question as I go  through my morning routine, I start looking for ways that I’m having a good day. Chances are, those things were there, but since I was focused on my bad day, I didn’t count ‘em. Maybe I didn’t even see them.

When I was first getting started, I had Creative Questions posted all over the place. I wrote them on my bathroom mirror in eyebrow pencil, I put them on sticky notes and put ‘em by the door to see when I left the house, on the dashboard of the car, on my monitor at work.

And I wrote them out. Well, I still do that. Why do I, Pam, have a good day? Why do you, Pam, have a good day? Why does she, Pam, have a good day? How do I, Pam, have a good day? And so on.

Tiny choices.

Why do I choose my commitments? Why do I choose my attitude? How do I choose my state of mind?

We like to think that our moods, our state of mind, is somehow not in our control. That it’s because we had a bad day, or we are in a challenging relationship, or something else outside of us. When I make the commitment to take responsibility for my emotional well-being, I can choose to start feeling better.

How have I changed from feeling buffeted from feeling like I am at the helm of my emotional boat?

(c) 2014 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 01262014

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We Should Be Committed

We Should Be Committed

I’m gonna lay some powerful stuff on you today, my dear. It’s about commitment. It’s not what you think.

It’s not what I thought.

In the dark ages, I felt adrift and lost. I felt aimless, and crazy, and miserable. I felt like I was a great, disgusting bag of nasty, and that, among all the other faults I had, I couldn’t commit to anything.

Boyoboy, was I wrong.

I was super committed. I just didn’t count it.

I didn’t count it because who would be crazy enough to committed to living a life of misery? Uh, me. I was so committed, I devoted hours every single day. At the same time, if you had told me you thought I was committed to misery I would have been, you guessed it, miserable. Plus, I would have hated you for saying that to me, and that would have made me miserable.

All that commitment. Wowzers. If I put all that energy into living a nice life? Oh, wait. I do. I am. What a difference the right commitment can make.

We are all committed to something. If you wonder what you are committed to, look at your life. Are you committed to stress, or peace? Are you committed to satisfaction or complaining? Are you committed to having a good day, or slogging through a crap day.

Why is it just that easy?

When I am committed to stress, I talk about how stressed I am, I look for stress-relief, I practice stress, I try to de-stress. When I am committed to peace, I talk about feeling peaceful, I talk about how nice feeling peaceful is, I look for moments in the day to connect with my peaceful core, I practice staying peaceful in interesting circumstances.

When I am committed to complaining, I seek faults and weaknesses. I look forward to spending time with my bitch-buddies to complain with them. I feel a surge when I get something good to complain about. When I am committed to satisfaction, I seek solutions and resolutions. I look forward to sharing my successes with my successful friends. I feel accomplished in some way every day.

When I am committed to slogging through a crap day, I feel awful when I get up. Everything goes wrong, The loaded toothbrush falls on the floor, or worse, the car won’t start, or the bus was early. On and on, one thing after another. When I am committed to a good day, I wake up refreshed, clean and sanitize the dropped toothbrush, and call the auto club, or read while I wait for the next bus, appreciating the chance. I look for the good, I find silver linings, and my day blossoms with interesting stuff, and fun, and at the end of the day, I feel good.

I get what I am committed to. All I have to do is decide and commit. Over and over, but that’s how I got in that old mess before.

How have I changed from unconscious commitment to choosing my commitments with love and care?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12122013

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Choosing to Do

Choosing to Do

Over the years I’ve learned some stuff. As a first kid, a big sister, and coming from a long line of teachers and preachers, I love to share the stuff I’ve learned. Since you are here, I will share with you, and hope that you may find something useful therein.

When I am feeling meh, or really flighty, or otherwise scattered, There is a good chance that  I’ve got something up that I am probably trying to keep down. Subconscious material that I’m fighting. That effort often makes me feel scattered.

Hmm.

I like to feel clear and focused, aware and alert. Oh, and joy. I really like to feel joy. When I can identify the thought I’m trying to avoid, it usually fades and I can get back to my normal self. How do I know I am safe?

Sometimes when I am feeling meh, or having trouble getting something done, it’s about procrastinating. Procrastinating, with it’s weird little thrill of danger that can be so addictive. If I can notice that I am procrastinating, I can often unchoose it.

Now, here is an interesting thing about procrastination. It’s not the activity that makes procrastination, it’s the feelings. I can be reading or watching TV and feel clean and comfortable. It is what I am doing. But, when I am procrastinating, it’s a very different experience. I am not just watching TV or reading, I am reading and feeling guilty, and feeling sneaky, like I’m trying to get away with something, and often feeling like a bad person for not doing The Thing.

So one thing that really helps is when I actually choose to do what I am doing. If I think I am procrastinating, I can identify the pattern and then short circuit it by doing something else. For example, if I go to texting on my cell to avoid doing stuff, by shutting my phone off, and putting it away, I can stop the procrastinating in it’s infancy, and choose to do something that I will enjoy doing.

Starting, doing, and finishing a project is very satisfying, way more satisfying than the icky feeling of procrastination.

Sometimes we are great starters, but our follow-through and finish are weak. Sometimes, it’s challenging for us to take that first step, but once we do, get out of the way. Sometimes, we start easily, follow-through beautifully, but seem to have trouble finishing.

The more we come to know ourselves, how we do our projects, how we work through the different parts, the easier it is for us to change them, to make it all easy.

As we grow up, and take responsibility for ourselves, our lives, as we clean out our superstitious behavior, lighten up our thoughts and feelings, we get better with our projects. We are a little choosier about what we take on. We take a little more care with them, from start to finish, and we feel a lot more satisfaction in the process. We find that we are choosing our commitments with more thoughtfulness. We consider the impact and consequences, and enjoy them a whole lot more. We find that the ones we used to think of as chores shift some and we find reasons why they become a pleasure.

How have I changed from hating to do what I have to do to finding the pleasure and joy in everything I do?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10212013

Finding the Grace of Commitment

Finding the Grace of Commitment

Everybody’s got stuff. Some of us have big stuff, some of us have little stuff. Some of us are wondering about bankruptcy, others are wondering what they are supposed to do with a ten thousand dollar windfall. Some of us are longing for a relationship, others are wondering how to get out of a relationship. Some of us are worried about foreclosure, others are worried about which summer place to buy. We all got stuff.

What makes the difference is simply how we deal, what manner of addressing our stuff are we committed to?

When we have stuff and freak out about it, or get pissed, or resentful, or otherwise bend ourselves out of shape, we make everything harder.

Me, I like easy.

Sometimes, when I get stuff, I flip right  into the upset to start. “When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.” Oy. What a waste of energy. And most of the time, flipping out just makes stuff worse, or at the very most minimum, it puts off getting things resolved.

I am pretty committed to easy, though, and enjoyable, and while a freakout is enjoyable to me in tiny doses, it really isn’t to anyone else, and the cost is pretty high.

I used to think my problem was that I couldn’t commit. That wasn’t the issue. I was committed to having problems. I was committed to making things harder than they needed to be. I was committed to struggle, suffering and misery. All I needed to do was look around at my life to see where my commitments lay. Yuck.

I was committed to low paying jobs that were a ton of work. I was committed to unsatisfying relationships full of strife. I was committed to a hoarding lifestyle full of anxiety and, is the opposite of well being, poor being? Well, whatever it was, that’s what I was committed to.

If there was a way to make it tougher, I was all about it.

Look to your life to see where your commitments lie. Now that you know, you get to choose. Is this what I want to be committed to? Is this how I want my life to be?

What makes me choose my commitments? What makes me decide? Why do I own my commitments?

Because I am committed to being a grownup, or enlightened being, or evolved, or whatever you want to call it, I have to take responsibility for my commitments. I choose to own them, and to follow through on them.

I have to own my errors, I have to own my failures, but I also have to own my successes, take responsibility for my behavior, and remember that I am the creator of my life. I am committed to creating peaceful space in my life, with room for me, and room for you, space where we can do what we need to do to be our best selves.

When we own our commitments, we follow through on them naturally. When we own our commitments, procrastination falls by the wayside because we enjoy them. When we own our commitments, completion also comes naturally, and then we get to celebrate, and boy, do we like to celebrate!

How have I changed from procrastinating and quitting to enjoying follow through and finishing?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10082013