The Colors of Fear

The Colors of Fear

One of my dearest friends has a very simple motto that she lives by: Fear or Faith. It reminds her to choose the sunny side of the street. When she first told me that I loved it. And I realized I had a  version that was just slightly different: Fear or Curiosity.

The point is simple, fear sucks the life from us, faith and curiosity fill us with spirit. I live a life of adventure. One of my heroes is Indiana Jones, master adventurer. My journey of self discovery feels like an Indiana Jones type adventure full of danger, and scary times, and priceless discoveries. the best of which is love and respect for my very own self.

My teacher pointed out that I had already survived the danger, that I was looking at the left-over shadows of it. That let me feel curious about what I would find. Sometimes I discovered things that changed the way I felt about someone, but it also gave me the opportunity to bring up a lot of unpleasantness to the surface where I could address it, and let it go, and forgive. Can’t do that when it’s all unconscious.

Why am I curious? What makes me interested? Why do I want to know?

When I choose to let fear run the show, I am saying no to life.

Life is fearless, life is curious, engaged, interested. Life wonders what is next, and accepts what comes, no fear. No matter what, my circumstances are interesting because they are tailored to me. They provide me with information about what I can learn, about where I can go, about what I can accomplish.

Worry is a kind of fear. When we fret about our loved ones, or ourselves, we are sluicing our lives with a negative energy, and then we have to slog through that negativity. We feel heavy and sad, and often don’t know why. Worry is a Coyote emotion, a trickster. It makes us feel like we are doing something useful, while it feeds on our spirit. Ew.

Guilt is another kind of fear. When we feel guilty, we fear that we will get caught. We fear being found out. We fear reprisals. We fear losing the little thrill we get from the behavior we feel guilty about. Dang.

Strangely, procrastination is often another kind of fear. The two biggies of procrastination are fear that we won’t do X perfectly and fear that something big will change if we X. It’s not that it will change for the worse, it’s just that it will change. We fear the loss of our status quo, even though it is always shifting around.

Negative moral judgments are yet another kind of fear, fear of the different.

When I decide to go with curiosity, with interest, with faith and trust, my life blossoms. Events have significance because they happen to me, for me. I seek out the nuances, I seek out the value. I seek out the benefit to me.

When I get that little thrill of anxious feeling, I choose to ask myself, “Why would I be excited? How is this fascinating? Why do I engage?” The feeling of excited and the feeling of anxiety are so close that asking my good Creative Questions can flip my experience in a wink.

How have I changed from choosing fear to feeling curious?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 06212014

Choosing to Do

Choosing to Do

Over the years I’ve learned some stuff. As a first kid, a big sister, and coming from a long line of teachers and preachers, I love to share the stuff I’ve learned. Since you are here, I will share with you, and hope that you may find something useful therein.

When I am feeling meh, or really flighty, or otherwise scattered, There is a good chance that  I’ve got something up that I am probably trying to keep down. Subconscious material that I’m fighting. That effort often makes me feel scattered.

Hmm.

I like to feel clear and focused, aware and alert. Oh, and joy. I really like to feel joy. When I can identify the thought I’m trying to avoid, it usually fades and I can get back to my normal self. How do I know I am safe?

Sometimes when I am feeling meh, or having trouble getting something done, it’s about procrastinating. Procrastinating, with it’s weird little thrill of danger that can be so addictive. If I can notice that I am procrastinating, I can often unchoose it.

Now, here is an interesting thing about procrastination. It’s not the activity that makes procrastination, it’s the feelings. I can be reading or watching TV and feel clean and comfortable. It is what I am doing. But, when I am procrastinating, it’s a very different experience. I am not just watching TV or reading, I am reading and feeling guilty, and feeling sneaky, like I’m trying to get away with something, and often feeling like a bad person for not doing The Thing.

So one thing that really helps is when I actually choose to do what I am doing. If I think I am procrastinating, I can identify the pattern and then short circuit it by doing something else. For example, if I go to texting on my cell to avoid doing stuff, by shutting my phone off, and putting it away, I can stop the procrastinating in it’s infancy, and choose to do something that I will enjoy doing.

Starting, doing, and finishing a project is very satisfying, way more satisfying than the icky feeling of procrastination.

Sometimes we are great starters, but our follow-through and finish are weak. Sometimes, it’s challenging for us to take that first step, but once we do, get out of the way. Sometimes, we start easily, follow-through beautifully, but seem to have trouble finishing.

The more we come to know ourselves, how we do our projects, how we work through the different parts, the easier it is for us to change them, to make it all easy.

As we grow up, and take responsibility for ourselves, our lives, as we clean out our superstitious behavior, lighten up our thoughts and feelings, we get better with our projects. We are a little choosier about what we take on. We take a little more care with them, from start to finish, and we feel a lot more satisfaction in the process. We find that we are choosing our commitments with more thoughtfulness. We consider the impact and consequences, and enjoy them a whole lot more. We find that the ones we used to think of as chores shift some and we find reasons why they become a pleasure.

How have I changed from hating to do what I have to do to finding the pleasure and joy in everything I do?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10212013