Leaving the Wah-Wahs

Leaving the Wah-Wahs

I’ve said this before, I will say it again. Each of us has our own, particular set of stuff to work through. If we want to be happy grownups, there are some things we need to do.

We first have to accept it. That can take some time. We often feel really sorry for ourselves. We often feel singled out to suffer our own particular hell. We decide that no one understands what we are going through, that no one has ever had to deal with what we have to. This is called “reverse grandiosity.” Seriously. There is always someone who has it worse. If need be, find that person, and help him. Or her. Meanwhile, accept what is.

Once we’ve been able to accept our situation, we assess it relative to ourselves. How does this impact my life? Is this my new normal? Where are my edges? What is gone? What have I gained? Where can I change for the better?

Notice that these are not Creative Questions. Creative Questions have results built in. These questions are searching questions, assessment questions. And it is good to ask questions like these often. I need to remember that my situation will change. Some things will get better, some things will get more challenging. Nothing is static. So my assessment is for now. My plans are plans. When I flow with my life, some plans will work, some will need to be modified, some dropped.

Now that I have accepted and assessed my situation, I can start to grow within it.

How have I changed from feeling sorry for myself to feeling alive? What makes me love my life? How do I experience joy?

I may need to acquire resources. These might be actual items, like canes or walkers, hearing aids, oxygen tanks, medications, or special glasses. These might be tools like behavioral choices, or emotional flexibility. I may need to learn some new things to do when I feel angry or blue. I may need to get help from a 12 step group, or a therapist, or a physical therapist, or some other kind of healer.

Why am I resilient? What makes me flexible? Why do I go with the flow?

I may need to make some amends if I was acting out before I accepted my situation. I may need to make some modifications to my home, to my diet, to my activities. I may need to let go of a relationship that supports me in suffering rather than in joy. Dump my misery buddies. Find a new place to hang out that promotes my well being.

How do I feel like a divine and infinite being? What makes me so positive? How do I feel when I am happy?

As I grow within my circumstances, I am proud of myself. When I stumble, and we all stumble, I pick myself up, or get some help to pick me up, and treat myself with loving compassion, gently, kindly, wisely. I encourage myself in feeling alive, in spending time with people who lift me up. I celebrate.

How have I changed from living in the Wah-wahs to loving my life as it is?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05232014

It’s Just Not True

It’s Just Not True

We all go through rough patches. If we are lucky, they are short. Sometimes that patch can last for years. Some people call it the human condition. I think It’s more like a starting point to becoming our own, glorious selves.

Why do I choose to change? What makes me evolve? How do I know what to do?

We all have stuff. If we are lucky, we can muster our resources, and deal with it. Sometimes we think we don’t have resources, and are just kind of doomed. I think our stuff points us in our own particular direction.

What makes me wise? How do I know I have smarts? How do I know what to do?

We all have a past. If we are lucky, it is just our past, and not informing our present, distorting our perceptions, twisting our relationships. Some of us think that ignoring and forgetting makes that damage go away. That works as well with the clunk under the hood. Next thing you know, you have some sort of huge breakdown on the side of the highway. Ugh.

Why do I choose to integrate my past?

You know what I think about luck. You know I believe we create an environment in which luck, if you will, can flourish. That’s part of what becoming a grownup, an enlightened being, is all about.

We each have a topic particular to us. This is our very first mislearning. This mislearning colors every breath we take. Each thought is tinged by it. And so, all our emotions, feelings, and behavior likewise are touched. We call it “personal doubt.”

For some of us, it’s feeling wrong, or feeling like we always hurt people. Some of us feel like we aren’t good enough no matter what, or that we are damaged goods, beyond redemption. Maybe it is that things never go our way, or that we are undeserving, or have a mysterious fatal flaw. There are lots of variations.

And it’s lies, all lies.

We work our butts off, either to prove that our personal doubt is true, and we can’t do anything right, or we do hurt people, or we are garbage, or that it’s false, and we bust our humps over-achieving, but through it all we hang onto it’s premise as our own defining characteristic. And, curiously, as we clean up our stuff, this particular one will show up more and more vividly.

Challenging, yes, but on the other hand, if you are having your personal doubt come up a lot a lot, it lets you know how well you are doing at becoming a grown up. Good for you! Ow! Stop hitting me! I know it’s uncomfortable, but it’s a good thing.

When we remember that our personal doubt is a mislearning, we can move past it. Because it touches everything, we have to address it at a lot of different points. It’s still a mislearning, and under that mislearning, I am my perfect self, divine and infinite.

How have I changed from leading my life from my personal doubt to believing I am a divine and perfect being?

(c) 2014 Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 02022014

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Troubles to Bubbles

Troubles to Bubbles

It’s time to stop having problems. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but, believe me, it’s worth talking about again.

A really simple way to do that is to change your language, in your speech, in your thoughts.

Semantics, the meaning of words and phrases, are a great big hairy deal to humans because we have speech, and thought. And, even though we tend to use the same words as each other, they don’t always have the same meanings. If you wanna play with this, try asking your friends what they experience in their mind when they hear the word, “dog” and notice that each person has a different idea of “dog.”

Based on our ideas about words, they, like everything else, have vibrational weight, frequencies. Personal, vibrational weight. Low vibrations leave us feeling bad, high vibrations leave us feeling good, to make it really simple. For example, the phrase, “you people” can fire me up to mad  when used in the context of a customer service complaint. Likewise, “gal” is one that simply brushes my fur backwards. Do you know what words or phrases can tweak you?

A silly way to look at it is that changing the vibrational weight of our language can turn a trouble to a bubble. Heh.

So, when I decided that I wanted to stop having problems, I needed to find words to lift the vibrational weight, since “problem” for me is a heavy word.

Topic, issue, subject, these are words that are pretty neutral for me, and when I don’t feel weighted down by my language, I find it much easier to look for solutions, resolutions, direction, and progress. And I feel light.

Making this shift, from problems to progress, has the additional benefit of leaving me feeling successful, accomplished. I like that.

Why do I find solutions? Why do things go my way? How do I know the outcome?

That’s a lot of nice results for one, small shift.

Why is it all so easy?

When I notice I am looking down at the problem, I can look up for a solution. Sometimes, I can come up with  not just one, but many possible solutions. An embarrassment of solutions, so to speak. Sometimes I may not find any right away, and that’s when all that playing with my creativity pays off. I can start brainstorming solutions, even outrageous ones, and generally speaking, before too long, a viable solution will emerge.

If this were a motivational speech, I would point out here that one of the primary differences between folks who realize their dreams, and folks who don’t, is this particular skill, the skill of finding solutions.

If this were a motivational speech, I would mention the fact that you are brilliant, and creative, and can progress as you wish, even with, let’s say, certain physical limitations, as long as you continue to expand the limits of your mind. The more you push those limits, the more resources you will have.

How have I change from thinking in problems to thinking in solutions?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 11082013

On Being Resource Rich

On Being Resource Rich

One of the myriad things I love about being a grownup is the resources. Another thing I love about being a grownup is knowing how to use my resources. These are two very important things.

In years of yore, I felt like I had no resources. Except maybe my wits. Poor me. My wits were pretty addled back then, with pain, and suffering, drugs, sleep deprivation, horrible diet, and very non-supportive thoughts.

Little by little I began to ask for, and receive, helpful help. No, I mean it. I’ve been the recipient of very unhelpful help, and have most likely doled out my share of unhelpful help as well.

I would imagine we all have.

I didn’t used to imagine that, that maybe we were alike.

I used to imagine that I was different. I used to imagine that I was weird, and unique. I imagined that I was a freak and that no one sucked as much as I did.

In 12 step programs they call that Inverse Grandiosity, and boy oh boy did I have it.

Nobody knew the trouble I’d seen. No one suffered as I suffered. No one was as messed up as I was. Blah blah blah.

It was, of course, on the one hand, ridiculous.

It was, on the other hand, great back-of-the-hand-to-the-forehead drama of the sort that Drama Queens pay good money for.

It was, on the third hand, hugely effective for helping me isolate: not a resourceful place.

Why do I enjoy the fruits of my resources?

As I began to heal, I began to connect, and as I connected and relaxed, I started finding resources. Turned out I had a ton of resources inside me. That was nice. And I found out that you have resources, and you know stuff I don’t, and that you would help me. That was really nice. Thank you.

As I got more comfortable with my new-found resources, I realized that I wasn’t limited to doctors of western medicine, and took acupuncture treatments for the debilitating headaches I got. I got better.

I moved to the city, which is loaded with resources, and baby step by baby step, I started using them, and my whole world got nicer.

I started to trust that I would always find the resources I needed for whatever might unfold, and so I was able to really start relaxing. Why am I okay? What makes my life nice? Why can I feel safe?

How do I know the Universe provides?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10232013