SunAgape's Spot: assessing

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

Assessments

Lately I have been paying a lot of attention to where I am committed. I used to wonder about that, until I came to recognize that all I had to do was look at my life. I have put together a list of questions that I use. Some are Creative Questions, some are for information gathering. I tend not to use them all at once, but to look at one or two from time to time, especially if I am not feeling all that on track.

Have I chosen to take responsibility for my life? Do I recognize that I am living the perfect life for where I am right now? Do I own that? Do I own that I am responsible for how I feel, for what I do, for where I am?

How do I feel? Am I peaceful? Am I content? Am I happy? Do I feel like I can choose? Have I changed from letting bad feelings run the show to choosing to feel good? Do I feel like I am living my natural life of easy and fun?

How do I occupy my time? Do I feel productive at the end of the day? Do I feel accomplished? Do I feel like I have made good choices? Have I changed from feeling like I waste a lot of time to deciding what I am doing?

Who do I spend time with? Do I feel a mutual support? Do I feel like we are working together? Do I feel challenged in a positive way? Have I changed from having friends I don’t like to being thrilled with the people I love?

How do I take care of myself? Do I feed me well and often enough? Do I drink enough? Do I enjoy moving my body every day? Do I get enough rest? Do I address my spiritual, financial, and social needs? Have I changed from putting myself last to being sure I am in good standing with me?

How do I feel in my environments? Am I comfortable? Do I feel peaceful? Is my space one that brings me joy? Have I changed from hating where I live/work/play to loving my environments?

How do I take care with my loved ones? Do I pay attention to them? Do I listen and remember what they tell me? Do I help and support them as I can? Have I changed from feeling annoyed by them to finding compassion and patience?

Have I set myself measurable goals? Do I spend time on them regularly? Are they meaningful to me? Do I count my small successes as well as the big ones, and let myself feel successful? Have I changed from ignoring my accomplishments to savoring my good feelings?

Do I practice being aware of me, my stuff, my surroundings? Have I slowed down enough to keep track of my possessions like my car, keys, wallet and cellphone? Do I pay attention to my promises? Am I mindful of my actions? Do I notice when I am feeling distracted and pull myself back? Do I give myself some time to think?

Giving myself a little time from time to time to think about these things helps me move forward. It is especially useful for me if I am feeling stuck. I tend not to look at more than one or two at a time because if I do the whole thing I will often choose to beat myself up for being such a suck. May you find them useful.

How have I changed from being committed to things that do not support me to enjoying my best efforts?

Friday, May 23, 2014

Leaving the Wah-Wahs

I’ve said this before, I will say it again. Each of us has our own, particular set of stuff to work through. If we want to be happy grownups, there are some things we need to do.

We first have to accept it. That can take some time. We often feel really sorry for ourselves. We often feel singled out to suffer our own particular hell. We decide that no one understands what we are going through, that no one has ever had to deal with what we have to. This is called “reverse grandiosity.” Seriously. There is always someone who has it worse. If need be, find that person, and help him. Or her. Meanwhile, accept what is.

Once we’ve been able to accept our situation, we assess it relative to ourselves. How does this impact my life? Is this my new normal? Where are my edges? What is gone? What have I gained? Where can I change for the better?

Notice that these are not Creative Questions. Creative Questions have results built in. These questions are searching questions, assessment questions. And it is good to ask questions like these often. I need to remember that my situation will change. Some things will get better, some things will get more challenging. Nothing is static. So my assessment is for now. My plans are plans. When I flow with my life, some plans will work, some will need to be modified, some dropped.

Now that I have accepted and assessed my situation, I can start to grow within it.

How have I changed from feeling sorry for myself to feeling alive? What makes me love my life? How do I experience joy?

I may need to acquire resources. These might be actual items, like canes or walkers, hearing aids, oxygen tanks, medications, or special glasses. These might be tools like behavioral choices, or emotional flexibility. I may need to learn some new things to do when I feel angry or blue. I may need to get help from a 12 step group, or a therapist, or a physical therapist, or some other kind of healer.

Why am I resilient? What makes me flexible? Why do I go with the flow?

I may need to make some amends if I was acting out before I accepted my situation. I may need to make some modifications to my home, to my diet, to my activities. I may need to let go of a relationship that supports me in suffering rather than in joy. Dump my misery buddies. Find a new place to hang out that promotes my well being.

How do I feel like a divine and infinite being? What makes me so positive? How do I feel when I am happy?

As I grow within my circumstances, I am proud of myself. When I stumble, and we all stumble, I pick myself up, or get some help to pick me up, and treat myself with loving compassion, gently, kindly, wisely. I encourage myself in feeling alive, in spending time with people who lift me up. I celebrate.

How have I changed from living in the Wah-wahs to loving my life as it is?