Assessments

Assessments

Lately I have been paying a lot of attention to where I am committed. I used to wonder about that, until I came to recognize that all I had to do was look at my life. I have put together a list of questions that I use. Some are Creative Questions, some are for information gathering. I tend not to use them all at once, but to look at one or two from time to time, especially if I am not feeling all that on track.

Have I chosen to take responsibility for my life? Do I recognize that I am living the perfect life for where I am right now? Do I own that? Do I own that I am responsible for how I feel, for what I do, for where I am?

How do I feel? Am I peaceful? Am I content? Am I happy? Do I feel like I can choose? Have I changed from letting bad feelings run the show to choosing to feel good? Do I feel like I am living my natural life of easy and fun?

How do I occupy my time? Do I feel productive at the end of the day? Do I feel accomplished? Do I feel like I have made good choices? Have I changed from feeling like I waste a lot of time to deciding what I am doing?

Who do I spend time with? Do I feel a mutual support? Do I feel like we are working together? Do I feel challenged in a positive way? Have I changed from having friends I don’t like to being thrilled with the people I love?

How do I take care of myself? Do I feed me well and often enough? Do I drink enough? Do I enjoy moving my body every day? Do I get enough rest? Do I address my spiritual, financial, and social needs? Have I changed from putting myself last to being sure I am in good standing with me?

How do I feel in my environments? Am I comfortable? Do I feel peaceful? Is my space one that brings me joy? Have I changed from hating where I live/work/play to loving my environments?

How do I take care with my loved ones? Do I pay attention to them? Do I listen and remember what they tell me? Do I help and support them as I can? Have I changed from feeling annoyed by them to finding compassion and patience?

Have I set myself measurable goals? Do I spend  time on them regularly? Are they meaningful to me? Do I count my small successes as well as the big ones, and let myself feel successful? Have I changed from ignoring my accomplishments to savoring my good feelings?

Do I practice being aware of me, my stuff, my surroundings? Have I slowed down enough to keep track of my possessions like my car, keys, wallet and cellphone? Do I pay attention to my promises? Am I mindful of my actions? Do I notice when I am feeling distracted and pull myself back? Do I give myself some time to think?

Giving myself a little time from time to time to think about these things helps me move forward. It is especially useful for me if I am feeling stuck. I tend not to look at more than one or two at a time because if I do the whole thing I will often choose to beat myself up for being such a suck. May you find them useful.

How have I changed from being committed to things that do not support me to enjoying my best efforts?

(c) Pam 2014 all rights reserved 08032014

Abandoning the Emo Ghetto

Abandoning the Emo Ghetto

Today I drew the “Environment” card. Mostly when this card comes up, I like to think about our physical environments. But we have other environments in which we live. We have our internal environment that we create with the quality of our thoughts. We have our spiritual environment. And we have a social/emotional environment that we create with the people we surround ourselves.

Huh. That’s interesting. What kind of a social environment do you live in? Is it warm, and lively, and full? Is it cold, and grim, and full of drama? Is it almost empty? Is it crowded and lonesome?

Finding new ways to think about our old stuff can help us shift out from places we may be feeling stuck. So, let’s take a look at the people we fill our lives with.

In the dark ages, I knew some wonderful people; kind, loving, wise and generous, crazy talented. I also knew dark, grim, abusive, terrifying, miserable people who seemed to shun the light in favor of the dismal dank. They were often really interesting, and also crazy talented. Compelling. Seductive.

The deeper in I went, the fewer lovely people I knew, and the darker the folks were whom I was spending time with. A day that was just dark was a good day.

Soon, I’d stopped working days, and started working nights. In the winter, I never saw the sun. We were all so starved for attention, but all we could ask for was negative attention. I felt like I was full of a heavy, huge, black hole where my heart used to be.

When I decided to change my life, one of the things I had to do was change my social environment. I wanted to stop using alcohol and recreational drugs, so I needed to stop spending time with people who did. I wanted to be soul-happy, so I had to start looking for friends who got that. They didn’t need to be happy, just wanting to get there, willing to do something to get there.

For my own growth and well being I had to walk away from all my friends not once, but twice.

Why do I respect my people? What makes me choose to grow? How am I supported?

When I look at my people with an open and honest eye, what do I see? Do I see people who encourage me in my best? Or people with whom I love to trash talk, or misery merge, or share activities but not intimacy? Do I have friends, or bad-behavior buds?

It meant that I had to do some stuff. I had to choose people who seemed respectable, kind, and real. I had to choose to trust that, if I gave them a pointy stick and showed them where it would hurt me the most to poke, that they wouldn’t. I had to open my heart. Boy, was that door creaky!

On the one hand, I made a lot of mistakes. On the other hand, I found some wonderful friends who have weathered all my changes and interesting adventures for years.

Choosing our social environment is another step in choosing happiness, another piece of becoming a grownup. Choosing intimacy is an act of courage. Taking responsibility for all our environments helps us make our lives easy, makes it easy to relax, to move into peaceful, to accept and allow our lives to flow.

How have I changed from living in an emotional ghetto to choosing to live in a place of warmth, understanding, and love?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 01032104

It Takes a Hamlet

It Takes a Hamlet

I am always curious as to what card will come to me each day. I love having a little focal point in the day. Stuff comes up all the time, and I have a choice for how I’ll respond, or react, and when I have a good, solid, Creative Question floating around in my head, I often make better decisions.

I gotta say, I prefer making better decisions. In order to do that, I have to stay on top of stuff.  And by that I mean that I need to be aware of what I’m on about.

There are a few ways I’ve found to do that. One is to slow down inside, to relax. Relax. Relax.

I am, little by little, coming to recognize when I am heading to my ol’ overwhelmed feeling. I used to go there all the time. Overwhelmed would lead to headaches, and then a cold. If I played my cards right, I could end up with bronchitis or pneumonia, forcing me to back off.

I don’t know about you, but I would rather back off from the overwhelmed than have my body, uh, body-slam me into relaxing.

I have also surrounded myself with my brilliant and loving friends and family. When I have stuff come up that feels too much for just me, I go to them for comfort, and counsel, and wisdom. They helped me learn the difference between talking about what’s going on and complaining, and the difference between complaining and whining.

They taught me about how to relax and let my life flow. They stood by me as I’ve worked through my stuff, shed my tears, beaten pillows, and screamed out old traumas.

The act of evolving, becoming enlightened, or growing up, whatever you want to call it, is all about teamwork. This is a tricky one for introverts to get. It may be tricky for you extroverts, too. If it is, let me know, please.

I thought that I was supposed to do all this growing up by myself. Poor little me. I was so wrong. I need your help. I need your insights, and instruction, I need your comforting arms, and gentle hand to pet my head. I need you to remind me when I start to stray, and to give me a little shove when I get too far off the path. I need you to give me the look from time to time when I am being ridiculous, or to remind me to relax back into the flow of life.

It turns out that life is way easier when I have a great team to work with.

So now it looks like one of my tasks of growing up is to surround myself with loving, wise, supportive people.

In the dark ages, my life was full of drunks, abusers, misery buddies, and pain pals. Oy. I got a lot of support for drinking and drugging, for yelling, for acting nuts, and being dramatic. None of that really ever did much for my well being.

Choosing to step out of that into the light was the most courageous thing I ever did. All it took was a change of attitude. And creating my team.

I love having my team, and being on their teams. And, while we have to do the inside work each by our own selves, being encouraged and, best of all, loved without strings by our chosen ones is what makes the difference. I have created a lovely, loving hamlet of people who bring wonder to my life.

You can do this, too. You can start today. You can change your attitude, and set your sights to bring in true and loving friends, and to be a true and loving friend to to them.

How have I changed from struggling alone to having a life full of helpers whom I love, and who love me?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 11282013

Lightening the Load

Lightening the Load

As a philosopher, I think about stuff. I thought about stuff before that, too, but I think I enjoy it more, now.

One of the topics I was thinking about recently is the difference between truth and Truth, being right and Right, and enlightenment. I have some notions to share with you.

Having been blessed with a number of mystical experiences throughout my life, it has been my experience that Truth with a capital T is really interesting, but not particularly useful.

Experiencing the oneness of existence doesn’t help when the washer is flooding the laundry room.

Becoming aware of my infinite divinity doesn’t help me decide what to wear to work tomorrow.

Flowing through the vastness of time and space is somewhat useless when I am trying to reconcile a financial document.

I am right when I know what I believe, and those beliefs support me and help me support you. I am Right when I hold an opinion with an iron fist regardless of the damage it might do. Hating stuff, or groups, is an example of this.

Feeling Right, does nothing for my spiritual development, especially if I make that little slip from right to righteous, in the sense of inflicting my sense of right onto you. I am of the opinion that if my sense of right hurts or harms you, I might wanna rethink it.

Feeling right, however, is really nice for my sense of confidence, sense of purpose, and sense of direction.

Feeling Right, is something I need to be aware of if it is causing me to steep in resentment, something I consider a gross waste of personal resources.

What I do find useful is enlightenment. Now, I will tell you that I used to think that enlightenment was something akin to flipping a switch and *bam* on came a light bulb that stayed on for ever and ever. Then, I thought that it was more like a flashlight that I could shine into the dark corners of my mind and ego, to deal with my emo junk.

When I stop worrying, when I don’t intellectualize, when I enjoy what I’m doing, and relax all the way through I feel light.

When I let go of my resentments, of wanting you, and me, to be different, and love and accept both you and me as we are, I feel light.

When I step out of my insulated cocoon of daily life, and see the world seething in all it’s weird gloriousness, I feel light.

When I release back into the stream all the stuff, of whatever kind, that leaves me feeling heavy, sad, afraid, or angry, I feel light.

Feeling light lets all sorts of lovely things happen. When I feel light, it is easy to be happy, to find bliss all around me, to have satisfaction in what I do, to love lightly, and deeply, and without judgment.

How have I changed from living a life of heavy darkness to laughing my head off in the light?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 11072013

Opulent Support

Opulent Support

What would it mean if all creation is for you? If all creation is meant to support your happy life? What if everything is here to help you live your best life?

What would that be like? Can you imagine it now? How would it feel if every breath of air, every sip of water, every leaf, every microbe were supporting your personal well being and evolution?

When you imagine that, where do you feel that support in your body? Where do you feel it in your emotions? In your spirit? Why would you deserve to feel so supported?

When I feel that kind of lavish, unconditional support, I feel empowered. I feel powerful. I own my super powers.

When I feel that kind of support, I trust that I can cope with the flow of my life, whatever comes my way. (Notice that I didn’t say “like” but rather “cope.” Nothing in the rule book that says I have to like it, just that it’s best if I don’t fight it, if I allow it, let it flow.)

Cultivating my super powers; decision and choice, creativity, compassion, wisdom, engagement, and peace, to name a few, cultivating my sense of being supported by my environment, being a part of the natural order, all these things help me bring my essence to fruition, help me cultivate my particular set of skills and talents, help me feel included, engaged, connected, and supported, help me love and be loved unconditionally.

I like those feelings.

I endeavor to remember, when something happens that I’m not crazy about, to look for the gift.

I endeavor to remember, when someone is giving me a hard time about something, to slow down on the inside, to feel compassion, and to remember that I like to behave in a grown up manner, so I don’t have to be apologizing for acting like a jerk all the time.

I endeavor to remember that when I am feeling scared, or anxious, or worried, or pissed off, that I am in a habit loop and can change my response quickly and easily. That having those feelings is like a warning light on my dashboard that I am responding in a funky way, and resisting the flow.

I endeavor to remember that my desire to evolve as a person isn’t everyone’s choice. It doesn’t have a qualitative stamp on it, and is only as useful as I make it. (I had a really intense spiritual experience the other day, super cosmic, and came away from it with the understanding that 1) I had witnessed a Truth, and 2) beyond being really fun and interesting, it doesn’t make any difference. Hilarious! )

I endeavor to remember that my body is telling me stuff all the time about how I am. My physical well being is tied in to my mental well being, my emotional well being, and my spiritual well being. When I remember that, “If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your oxygen mask first, and then assist the other person.” That is, I make sure I am paying attention to what I need as well as to what I can do to help you.

When I remember that all creation is for me, I can relax.

How have I changed from fearing outside influences to trusting they are for my benefit?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10282013

Are You a Limelight Ducker?

Are You a Limelight Ducker?

Here’s to you and all your amazing accomplishments! Here’s to you and all the kindnesses you do that no one knows about! Here’s to you and your loving heart, the difficult choices you make that are for the best, and all the times you have set your desires aside to help your loved ones with theirs. You are amazing.

How are you these days with enjoying some nice attention? How are you with being acknowledged? Do you let people praise you publicly, or do you duck away? Do you own your accomplishments, or shoo them off with a swish of your hand?

Some of us seem to be attention hungry, applying for awards, demanding attention, always scrabbling for it, never feeling it inside. Or maybe we get a little high off the attention, but never feel the sense of satisfaction, of appreciation, of connection. Poor we.

Some of us do and do and never really get acknowledged. We might feel like “they” don’t appreciate us, or “they” don’t care about what we do, but the truth is that we are really powerful, and have an almost magical control over that sort of thing.

Sometimes, we get resentful, and blame-y and use those feeling to justify all sorts of unsavory behaviors. “They made me. No one cares anyway. It’s their fault.”

Oy.

You can’t acknowledge me unless I allow it.

If I have some ideas that I am not worthy, or don’t deserve celebration; if I have some idea that no one cares about what I do; if I have some idea that attention is bad, or that something bad will happen to me if I get attention; I’m right.

That’s how it works.

Why do I enjoy being celebrated? How do I receive accolades? What makes me enjoy the party in my honor?

We live together; families, neighborhoods, communities, workplaces. One of the many ways we bond together, to support and nurture each other, is to celebrate each other. But that breaks down a bit when I refuse it.

Why do I choose to be celebrated? Why would enjoy acknowledgement? Why am I safe to be honored?

When we are living our natural lives, lives of joy and abundance, of peace and bliss, we feel satisfaction for what we do, and satisfaction for how we help each other. When we deny ourselves celebration, we are denying our community a fundamental tool for bonding. We enjoy more intimacy when we allow ourselves to be celebrated, with our partner, with our friends, with all our people. Intimacy, trust, compassion, gratitude, appreciation.  Oh, yeah.

By choosing to allow myself to be celebrated, I am choosing to strengthen all my relationships.

How have I changed from ducking the limelight to enjoying being celebrated?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10202013