Honor and Integrity

Honor and Integrity

I had one of those weeks, you know the kind, where all of a sudden you have a hundred things to do that you’ve never done before. I think it’s very interesting that months can go by without needing to do a new, big something.

So, as usual, I had a lot of choices for how to hit it. On the one end, I could have flipped out and had a fit and refused. On the other end, I could act as if I knew what I was doing, and dive in.

Why am I strong? Why am I competent? Why am I capable?

Outstanding questions. These are the way out of feeling like a victim, but there is another really important part. You know what I’m talking about.

Why do I trust?

Before I tackled each task, I relaxed. I imagined getting all the help I needed. I imagined enjoying the outcome. I relaxed some more and imagined having fun. And then I opened my heart.

How do I feel when I trust?

Now, learning to trust the universe did not come easily for me. I held onto feelings of betrayal and violation like a drowning woman to a jagged piece of flotsam, tearing at me, wounding me over and over. Half the time I couldn’t even remember what the original wound was, but I sure had the feelings.

At the same time, I trusted untrustworthy people all the time. Ow.

As I resolve my old traumas, I have started making better choices, used better judgment, found trustworthy people to trust.

I am getting better at trusting the Universe. I am trusting me, more, too.

When I make crappy decisions that hurt me, I am violating my trust in myself. It makes my relationship with me wobbly. When I feel like I can’t rely on me, when I don’t trust me to take care of me, I start to clench. When I clench, I often start to act out. That makes trouble for me. It makes things uncomfortable for you.

This relationship, the one with myself, is the most important one I have. Trusting me to take care of me, to choose wisely and well, to be kind and respectful to me, leaves me light, and energized, with all the resources I need to take good care of my loved ones.

As soon as I catch myself in that clenched place, I relax my body, relax my emotions, relax my thoughts. I make amends to myself as I can. I use my good questions. The more I practice, the longer between my own betrayals of my trust, the nicer my life gets. It gets easier to remember to unchoose when I am heading down a painful path. When I am behaving honorably to myself, I am living my natural life. Things are easy. Life is rich and full.

How have I changed from betraying my trust in myself to behaving with integrity to me, and to you?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 04272014

Why do you like what you find here? What makes it useful? How does this help?

If you like what you find, please + and share. Thanks! Why are you amazing?

Are You a Limelight Ducker?

Are You a Limelight Ducker?

Here’s to you and all your amazing accomplishments! Here’s to you and all the kindnesses you do that no one knows about! Here’s to you and your loving heart, the difficult choices you make that are for the best, and all the times you have set your desires aside to help your loved ones with theirs. You are amazing.

How are you these days with enjoying some nice attention? How are you with being acknowledged? Do you let people praise you publicly, or do you duck away? Do you own your accomplishments, or shoo them off with a swish of your hand?

Some of us seem to be attention hungry, applying for awards, demanding attention, always scrabbling for it, never feeling it inside. Or maybe we get a little high off the attention, but never feel the sense of satisfaction, of appreciation, of connection. Poor we.

Some of us do and do and never really get acknowledged. We might feel like “they” don’t appreciate us, or “they” don’t care about what we do, but the truth is that we are really powerful, and have an almost magical control over that sort of thing.

Sometimes, we get resentful, and blame-y and use those feeling to justify all sorts of unsavory behaviors. “They made me. No one cares anyway. It’s their fault.”

Oy.

You can’t acknowledge me unless I allow it.

If I have some ideas that I am not worthy, or don’t deserve celebration; if I have some idea that no one cares about what I do; if I have some idea that attention is bad, or that something bad will happen to me if I get attention; I’m right.

That’s how it works.

Why do I enjoy being celebrated? How do I receive accolades? What makes me enjoy the party in my honor?

We live together; families, neighborhoods, communities, workplaces. One of the many ways we bond together, to support and nurture each other, is to celebrate each other. But that breaks down a bit when I refuse it.

Why do I choose to be celebrated? Why would enjoy acknowledgement? Why am I safe to be honored?

When we are living our natural lives, lives of joy and abundance, of peace and bliss, we feel satisfaction for what we do, and satisfaction for how we help each other. When we deny ourselves celebration, we are denying our community a fundamental tool for bonding. We enjoy more intimacy when we allow ourselves to be celebrated, with our partner, with our friends, with all our people. Intimacy, trust, compassion, gratitude, appreciation.  Oh, yeah.

By choosing to allow myself to be celebrated, I am choosing to strengthen all my relationships.

How have I changed from ducking the limelight to enjoying being celebrated?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10202013