Counting My Pennies From Heaven

Counting My Pennies From Heaven

What do you think about the big picture?  We have so many words for it; God, The Universe, Force of Nature, Higher Power. We have very strong beliefs in this arena, beliefs for which we are willing to kill each other in huge numbers. Okay. So, we will now quietly leaving this space, and get around to the business at hand.

The question I’m asking is more like this. Do you believe that your environment is malevolent, benign, or benevolent?

I used to believe that people sucked, and God felt sorry for me because he loved me, but wasn’t really gonna do anything.

I don’t think that God is actually something that behaves like a dysfunctional human any more. I’ve kinda decided to go with the notion that God is greater than I can imagine.

As I’ve grown up, I’ve become kinder and more compassionate, so I decided that my higher power is infinitely kind and compassionate. That’s a nice thought, useful, even.

If that’s the case, my belief, then it would follow that the Universe is benevolent towards me. I like that, too. If that’s the case, then the things that occur in my life, and my environment, are meant  to support me.

How would my environment support me? How do my circumstances benefit me?

I mean, what if I am a divine and infinite being who forgot that’s what I am. And, since the universe is divine and infinite, it’s doing everything it can to help me get back there. It provides opportunities and resources for me to chip off that accreted gunk that blocks my memory of my true self. It does everything it can.

So, lately, my environment has been awash in change. Circumstances have been highly charged, emotionally fraught, with changes in the physical look of stuff happening all over. In the olden days I would have freaked out. I would have flipped into cowering, helpless victim, and hated it all.

But, if this is a gift, if these circumstances are here to support me, then all I need to do is find that supportive piece, and apply it.

I find it helpful to label my current gifts from the universe, the pattern or attitude or old trauma I’m being given the opportunity to clean up. Right now I have two big ones up; unchoosing victim, and working through the fear of an old pattern coming up again.

I know I can do this work because I am a resourceful grownup. I don’t need to hide, or run away. Because I am a resourceful grownup, I know that “victim” is a mind-set, and attitude, and I can unchoose it quickly by asking myself stuff like, Why am I strong? How do I know I am capable? How do I know I am competent?

Because I am a resourceful grownup, I know that my fear of that old pattern recurring is about negative thoughts, and I can easily change those with questions like, How have I changed from doing X to doing Y? and How do I feel when I do Y? Then I just need to sit in those new feelings for a while. Sometimes, I have unfinished internal business around that old pattern, and may need to clean that up. Sometimes I need a little help, but I can find help because I am a resourceful grownup.

How have I changed from feeling threatened by my environment to finding my amazing gifts and support?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 04052014

What gifts have you been getting from the Universe lately? Remember to + and share if you like what you find. How do you feel when you recognize the gift?

Abandoning the Emo Ghetto

Abandoning the Emo Ghetto

Today I drew the “Environment” card. Mostly when this card comes up, I like to think about our physical environments. But we have other environments in which we live. We have our internal environment that we create with the quality of our thoughts. We have our spiritual environment. And we have a social/emotional environment that we create with the people we surround ourselves.

Huh. That’s interesting. What kind of a social environment do you live in? Is it warm, and lively, and full? Is it cold, and grim, and full of drama? Is it almost empty? Is it crowded and lonesome?

Finding new ways to think about our old stuff can help us shift out from places we may be feeling stuck. So, let’s take a look at the people we fill our lives with.

In the dark ages, I knew some wonderful people; kind, loving, wise and generous, crazy talented. I also knew dark, grim, abusive, terrifying, miserable people who seemed to shun the light in favor of the dismal dank. They were often really interesting, and also crazy talented. Compelling. Seductive.

The deeper in I went, the fewer lovely people I knew, and the darker the folks were whom I was spending time with. A day that was just dark was a good day.

Soon, I’d stopped working days, and started working nights. In the winter, I never saw the sun. We were all so starved for attention, but all we could ask for was negative attention. I felt like I was full of a heavy, huge, black hole where my heart used to be.

When I decided to change my life, one of the things I had to do was change my social environment. I wanted to stop using alcohol and recreational drugs, so I needed to stop spending time with people who did. I wanted to be soul-happy, so I had to start looking for friends who got that. They didn’t need to be happy, just wanting to get there, willing to do something to get there.

For my own growth and well being I had to walk away from all my friends not once, but twice.

Why do I respect my people? What makes me choose to grow? How am I supported?

When I look at my people with an open and honest eye, what do I see? Do I see people who encourage me in my best? Or people with whom I love to trash talk, or misery merge, or share activities but not intimacy? Do I have friends, or bad-behavior buds?

It meant that I had to do some stuff. I had to choose people who seemed respectable, kind, and real. I had to choose to trust that, if I gave them a pointy stick and showed them where it would hurt me the most to poke, that they wouldn’t. I had to open my heart. Boy, was that door creaky!

On the one hand, I made a lot of mistakes. On the other hand, I found some wonderful friends who have weathered all my changes and interesting adventures for years.

Choosing our social environment is another step in choosing happiness, another piece of becoming a grownup. Choosing intimacy is an act of courage. Taking responsibility for all our environments helps us make our lives easy, makes it easy to relax, to move into peaceful, to accept and allow our lives to flow.

How have I changed from living in an emotional ghetto to choosing to live in a place of warmth, understanding, and love?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 01032104

It's All for Me

It’s All for Me

The environment. We hear about it all the time, usually awful things on the news. Doom and gloom, lots of stuff to get us upset, or depressed, or even feel despair.  

Things shift a bit when we start to think of it as “my environment.”

My environment, in some important ways, is like an extension of my body. I live in my body, I live in my environment. My behavior has an impact on my body, and on my environment. My body can be well, or experience degrees of dis-ease. And, yes, the same in my environment.

When I didn’t know some stuff, back in the dark ages, I spent a lot of time correcting my body. I overtaxed it, underfed it, deprived it of sleep, abused it in many ways, and most of all, deprived it of love.

I felt like my body was my enemy.

Now, we live in our environment. How are we here? Are we trying to correct it, as though it is an enemy? As though it is out to get us? Overtaxing it, poisoning it, or overfeeding? I don’t need to draw the analogy out, you understand what I mean.

My environment is not my enemy, it is here to support my well being. Am I being as respectful of my environment as I am of my body?

I find that it helps me make decisions if I think about eating or drinking what I’m putting into my garden. I’m way more likely to use the least powerful, effective stuff.

I find that it helps me make decisions if I think about the child of a future generation unearthing my junk in a landfill, or a bird caught in my six-pack rings. What makes me considerate?

When I remember that what I do, how I do it, has an impact on me, on you, on my environment, I make better decisions.  Why would I care?

When I remember that the universe is here to support me, as is my environment, and my body, I feel really humbled. Am I making good use of my remarkable support? Am I making good use of my gifts? Am I being present in all this splendor? Do I let me relax enough to be aware of the awesomeness of my being alive, here, now?

When I soften, lighten up, relax; when I stop worrying, intellectualizing, and blaming, I am living my natural life. I am naturally happy, from the inside, I am naturally satisfied by what I do, I am blissed out by the beauty that surrounds me. I am productive and joyful. I feel connected and engaged. When I live my natural life, I am being a grownup, or evolved, or enlightened, or whatever you like to call it. I am naturally respectful of my body, and yours. I am naturally respectful of my environments. I am respectful and appreciative of the gifts I bring and the gifts I receive. I naturally take responsibility for me, my behavior, my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

When I relax into my natural life, I recognise the treasure I am surrounded by, and enjoy the heck out of it.

How have I changed from being oblivious, to appreciating my environment?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10122013