Celebrating Your Awesomeness

Celebrating Your Awesomeness

One of the many ways we thrive is with attention.

Regardless of what we think about that, we all want it on some level. For some of us, that level might be pretty deep because of mislearnings as a little child telling us that being noticed is unsafe.

Some of us seem to seek out negative attention, always in the doghouse, always in some kind of trouble with someone. We feel like the only attention we get is angry or hostile or irritated.

Some of us seem to seek out huge amounts of attention, always vying for everyone’s eye, in many different ways, always trying to be the center, but never feeling it.

Even the introverts want attention.

Some of us feel quite comfortable with nice attention up to a point, and then we have to stop it. We feel like we deserve only so much celebration of ourselves, and that’s enough!

When we live in joy, everyone wants to celebrate with us.

How am I celebrated? What makes enjoy attention? Why am I receptive?

For so many of us, giving is easy. We want to give our time, our energy, our love, our labor, our money, all to help other people, but the idea of being given to is an anathema to us.

We gotta get over that. Receptivity and acceptance are concepts that we have a bias toward. We tend to think of being receptive as being weak. Tis better to give than to receive, or so the saying goes, but what does that say about our thoughts of the one we are trying to give to?

We often think of receptivity and acceptance as a passive thing, but I will tell you this, being receptive is not about lying down and just taking it. Or submitting, or enduring. Receptivity can be wonderfully dynamic, energizing, empowering. Accepting is strength.

By choosing to receive, by choosing to accept, by choosing to allow, we are taking charge. We are valuing ourselves, we are relaxing into our authentic selves who can give and receive freely and happily.

How have I changed from seeking negative attention to accepting positive attention?

When we often find ourselves in the doghouse, it’s frequently because we have mislearned that the only attention we can get is when we screw up. By choosing to release our mislearning, and replacing it with a new way of thought, we can change the kind of attention we get from yell-y to praise-y.

Choosing to let ourselves feel celebrated is liberating and joyful. Owning that we make a difference in our world is motivating. Feeling appreciated is inspiring. And just imagine what you can accomplish when you feel liberated, joyful, motivated and inspired.

How have I changed from pushing away my celebrations to reveling in them?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 08152014

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Being able to get to my peaceful place has been such a gift in my life. That sense of calm, of respite, of soft. I love to take a deep breath, and center into that space, letting things go. It’s like hitting a reset button.

I know so many of us don’t get there very often. Some of us think, “I can’t, it’s too hard.” Some of us think, “Peace is denied me for some reason.” Some of us think, “I just don’t know how.”

One of my favorite quotes, “The limits of my language are the limits of my world.” Ludwig Wittgenstein said that. I first encountered it in high school, and have thought about it a lot since then. It seems to dovetail nicely with the Henry Ford quote, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

So many of us have taken the notion that we just are the way we are, kind of miserable a lot of the time, but not so awful that we feel compelled to do something about it. Like having a low-grade infection that keeps our energy down, or a mild skin irritation that keeps us feeling itchy a lot, but not enough to drive us nuts most of the time. Just kinda down. Just kinda low. Just kinda blah.

Why would I choose peaceful? How am I in charge of me? What makes me decide?

That mild negativity is insidious, depleting our juice one drop, one drop, one more drop at a time until we wonder what’s the point.

Language. The language we use all the time has a powerful impact on our experience, more than any other thing.

When I am using vaguely negative language to describe my life, to you, or to myself, that’s how I feel, meh. I pay more attention to the ick than the nice, I notice more what’s off than what’s on, I feel dissatisfied.

I didn’t get enough sleep/downtime/attention/work done/fill in the blank. Now I am setting myself in a little hole of discontent, and I can dig it deeper quite easily. Or I can choose to reframe my experience into something that feels good.

How do I choose? Why do I accept my now? How am I present?

Discontent is often just a little clench, but a clench nonetheless. It is based on expectations of how something should go, and shoulds often get us in trouble. I used to think that I should get a certain amount of sleep in a certain way, and if I didn’t I would spend the next day feeling wiped out. Instead, I can let it go, and know that I can have a good day anyway. I used to think that relaxing was for the end of the day, and then the end of the day would come and I would be so cranked up I couldn’t relax.

Taking a relaxation break during the day to take a few deep breaths, to soften clenched muscles, to soften our thoughts, makes relaxing easier in general. I have two little patterns I use a lot. When I hear someone say “breathe” I take a few deep breaths. Easy. And when I want a little relaxation break, I sit down, put my hands flat on my thighs, and soften. Those two things are called “anchors” and they help us establish new habits.

How have I changed from feeling like I don’t get to have peace to claiming peaceful for my own?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07262014

The Beauty in the Mirror

The Beauty in the Mirror

Who do you see in the mirror? Do you see a divine and infinite being? Do you see someone whose beauty shines through? Do you see a beautiful human?

I know you are going to find this hard to believe, but some of us look in the mirror and don’t like what we see. We disapprove of our features, we disapprove of the person who wears them. Poor we. We see our image, and we make a bad face, or have a bad feeling.

How do you think it makes us feel when we scorn ourselves like that? Yeah, kinda rotten.

Why do I like my looks? How do I feel attractive? What makes me so good looking?

This is another one of those things that’s all about attitude. When I don’t like me, I won’t see my self, but only my dislike in the mirror. When I don’t like me, the tiniest flaw will balloon into a deformity. When I don’t like me, I can take my own, lovely body and face and transmogrify them into something I see as hideous.

Saying no to my own self is the ultimate in resistance, the big clench. It is so hard for me to relax when I am rejecting my own body, the home of my spirit.

Why do I love me? What makes me appreciate my appearance? How do I like my face?

When I start seeing who I am when I look in the mirror, when I start seeing my own, sweet self, I start seeing that beautiful person looking back at me. And she often smiles a wonderful smile at the sight of me. I see a person who has thrived through many challenging times. I see a person who has cultivated a loving heart and positive outlook. I see a person I have come to love.

Many of us have physical stuff that often leaves us feeling disgruntled. What we do then is take it personally, as though our bodies are doing this to us, and we don’t like it. I hear some of us saying, “How am I not to take it personally? This is my body.”

We have bodies to support us. We wouldn’t get very far without them. Each of us has things to learn as we go through our lives, different things at different times, and our physical circumstances are here to help us learn some of those things. Seriously. When I can look at my physical situation dispassionately, with a little distance, not taking things personally, I can start to consider what my lessons might be.

Do I need to learn something about humility? Or acceptance? Is this an opportunity to practice going with the flow of my life? Or to love me as I am? Is it about spending more time being present? Or perhaps I need to pay a little more attention to my own well being. Only I can determine what my lesson or lessons are, only I can learn them.

When I look at the current situation as an opportunity for growth, everything changes. I am not saying don’t feel what you feel. Feel it, then let it go and get on with living. Notice your language. Be kind and respectful of the situation,

How have I changed from disapproving of my body to loving it as it is?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 06282014

Leaving the Wah-Wahs

Leaving the Wah-Wahs

I’ve said this before, I will say it again. Each of us has our own, particular set of stuff to work through. If we want to be happy grownups, there are some things we need to do.

We first have to accept it. That can take some time. We often feel really sorry for ourselves. We often feel singled out to suffer our own particular hell. We decide that no one understands what we are going through, that no one has ever had to deal with what we have to. This is called “reverse grandiosity.” Seriously. There is always someone who has it worse. If need be, find that person, and help him. Or her. Meanwhile, accept what is.

Once we’ve been able to accept our situation, we assess it relative to ourselves. How does this impact my life? Is this my new normal? Where are my edges? What is gone? What have I gained? Where can I change for the better?

Notice that these are not Creative Questions. Creative Questions have results built in. These questions are searching questions, assessment questions. And it is good to ask questions like these often. I need to remember that my situation will change. Some things will get better, some things will get more challenging. Nothing is static. So my assessment is for now. My plans are plans. When I flow with my life, some plans will work, some will need to be modified, some dropped.

Now that I have accepted and assessed my situation, I can start to grow within it.

How have I changed from feeling sorry for myself to feeling alive? What makes me love my life? How do I experience joy?

I may need to acquire resources. These might be actual items, like canes or walkers, hearing aids, oxygen tanks, medications, or special glasses. These might be tools like behavioral choices, or emotional flexibility. I may need to learn some new things to do when I feel angry or blue. I may need to get help from a 12 step group, or a therapist, or a physical therapist, or some other kind of healer.

Why am I resilient? What makes me flexible? Why do I go with the flow?

I may need to make some amends if I was acting out before I accepted my situation. I may need to make some modifications to my home, to my diet, to my activities. I may need to let go of a relationship that supports me in suffering rather than in joy. Dump my misery buddies. Find a new place to hang out that promotes my well being.

How do I feel like a divine and infinite being? What makes me so positive? How do I feel when I am happy?

As I grow within my circumstances, I am proud of myself. When I stumble, and we all stumble, I pick myself up, or get some help to pick me up, and treat myself with loving compassion, gently, kindly, wisely. I encourage myself in feeling alive, in spending time with people who lift me up. I celebrate.

How have I changed from living in the Wah-wahs to loving my life as it is?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05232014

Singin' the Emo Blues

Singin’ the Emo Blues

I’d feel fine if I didn’t feel so bad.

Sounds like the chorus of an old blues song, doesn’t it. Oh, the blues. Oh, dark nights, lonesome days, feeling bleak or doomed or useless or invisible.

How can I accept my experiences? How do my emotions support me? Why would I enjoy and respect my emotions?

Have you ever stopped to wonder why we have emotions?

Mine were so painful in the olden days that I figured they were just to torture me. A romantic notion, lots of drama, but so not accurate.

We think a thought in that meat-machine of a brain. That thought causes a lot of things to happen; synapses fire, releasing particular neuro-chemicals, which in turn cause certain hormones to flow. Every thought does that. This is the fundamental meaning of thoughts become things.

Now, have you ever had the experience of an adrenalin rush? Maybe you got startled, or missed a stair. You get a sudden flush of heat, your heart pounds, maybe your hands shake a bit. That’s one kind of hormonal flow. We have lots of different hormones and they have different impacts on how we feel; stressed, pain, appetite; the list goes on.

As we accrue habitual thoughts, we get into the habit of habitual feelings. We often don’t even recognize our emotions because they are so familiar. And when they are uncomfortable, it may seem easier to shove them under a rug.

How can I trust my emotions? What makes me accept my experiences?

When I have stuff happen that I don’t like, that I ignore or fight, I am effectively saying “no” to my life, I’m pushing away the very occurrences that could change everything. When I accept my experiences as mine, I stay soft, I stay relaxed. Saying no to life is a clench, and clenching hurts.

Accepting my experience isn’t the same thing as giving up. Surrender, letting go, is, in part, trusting that what is happening is exactly what I need to become my best me. One of my big lessons, one that shows up over and over for me, is owning my power. Why am I strong, capable, and competent? For you, it may be feeling lovable, or worthwhile, or right, or helpful.

Our biggest lesson, the fundamental one, will return again and again, as we learn our smaller lessons. I have emotions to let me know where I am. Am I on my right path? How do I feel? I will feel good on my right path, even if nasty crap is happening. I will feel bad on my dark path, even if lots of nice stuff is going on. Point of view, attitude, negative moral judgments, will all color my experience of the world. As I find ways to accept my experiences, to stop fighting, to stop complaining, to stop refusing, things will lighted and loosen, and I will be freer.

How have I changed from fighting my life to living it all the way?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 03242017

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