Trusting the Win

Trusting the Win

Today when I drew my Creative Questions card I got two! I love it when that happens. Why do I trust? Why am I a winner? Good Questions! And a dynamic combo.

Two things are really useful for making the most of these questions; a concept called reframing; and a look at our judgments.

For me, my attitude about the world did a big shift when I realized that events are neutral. I know, right? Big stuff. Events don’t shift out from neutral until we judge them. Arbitrary. My POV. We know it’s true because we have seen over and over in our lives how one person may interpret an occurrence as a horrible disaster and someone else may see the same set of events as a great blessing. True isn’t Truth unless it’s true for everyone. Like breathing.

Since my goal is to live my effortless, natural life, I am looking for the neutral, and then the blessing. I practice this daily on the little stuff, going with the flow, carving new pathways in my brain, so that this practice comes to work on the medium stuff and the big stuff.

I had to do this, start this practice, and that meant I had to change my attitude about the Universe. In the yore days, I thought that the point was struggle and suffering. I thought that the Universe sent me trials to test me. Now I think I was full of beans! Now I think that the Universe is looking to help me be my best self, to support me, to shower me with blessings.

Breaking my habit of suffering misery took some doing. I ended up reframing my experiences by asking good Creative Questions like, How could this situation support or benefit me? What makes me find the silver lining? Why would I allow and accept this? How have I changed from going to misery to choosing to find the good?

By practicing this reframing daily, it has gotten to be automatic most of the time. This means that I hardly ever get thrown for a loop, or feel flapped. Usually, when I do, it’s because I am distracted by physical stuff, but I get my sangfroid back pretty fast. And replay the event with a variety of alternative responses so I am more prepared for the next time. One of the cool things is that there is always a next time until I get that kind of interaction reframed, and then it hardly ever happens anymore. Weird.

How could I choose to trust? What makes me believe everything happens for me? Why am I successful? What makes me appreciate my efforts?

Oh, yeah, that’s a big part of this whole process. I need to notice, allow, and accept my successes when it comes to changing my behaving. I need to review them from time to time, then own them. For so many of us, this is really challenging. We get limiting ideas about how we are who we are. We can always recognize these limiting ideas by noticing where we say stuff like, “That’s just the way I am,” or, “that’s just how things are.” These beliefs are like dropping a rock in the sand. They go plunk and just sit there. That’s just the way it is.

Well, it’s not. You’re not. We are so much more than we tend to think we are. We are dynamic, shimmering beings with amazing powers of change, change that happens in our brains, in our minds, in our beliefs. When we start using good Creative Questions, everything loosens up, everything gets softer, and we have wiggle room to be happier, more content, stronger, softer, and more alive.

How have I changed from feeling like a suffering loser to knowing that I am a trusting winner?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2016 all rights reserved 01062016

It Isn't Really That Way at All

It Isn’t Really That Way at All

I was recently reading about a man who hasn’t eaten or drunk anything in decades. Doctors and scientists studied him for weeks, even to the point of sealing the toilet in his suite. There are others like him, and there is a spiritual movement called Breathariansim. Oh, yeah. Somehow, these people are able to sustain a high quality of health through their breath alone.

I am not a breatharian. I do find the idea intriguing because it reminds me that the world that I live in isn’t what I think it is.

That’s a hefty thought.

My world is cobbled together by my thoughts, my beliefs, my filters, my habits, and the people I choose to be around. It’s just so much personal convention, and at the bottom of it is “I don’t know.”

How amazingly liberating is that, “I don’t know.”

Why can I choose? What makes me happy? How am I spiritual?

When I remember that I don’t know, there is suddenly room for miracles, mystical experiences, life-expanding occurrences, delightful surprises, and all manner of wonders to be had. All I have to do is get out of my own way.

In my qigong practice, we have six rules. The first three are don’t intellectualize, don’t worry, enjoy! The next three are relax, relax, relax. Now, I am a philosopher by temperament and training so intellectualizing is what I am inclined to do. When I remember to think of it as play, some interesting things happen. My thoughts become more fluid, and I don’t need to take them as Truths.

I used to be a championship worrier. I fretted over my stuff, your stuff, and if we were somehow stuff-free, I would fret over the state of the world. My current favorite POV on this is that worry is like praying for negative stuff. If I am putting energy into thinking rotten thoughts, I am not putting it into living a joyful and purposeful life. Unchoosing worry and fretting was a challenge; it took a ton of practice, but every moment I spent turning my thoughts away from it was worth it. I notice much more quickly when I see stuff that triggers worry in me. I look at the thought; is this something I can do something about right now? Usually not. Is this something I can do something about later? If so, put it on the list, if not, strike it. And start thinking neutral or positive thoughts. This is not Pollyannaism, pretending things are fine when they are not, this is about my well-being. Worry and fretting are physically damaging to my body, and since I live here, it’s good to take some care. There is a big difference between fretting and considering options and solutions.

The whole concept of “I can’t do X, this is just how I am” falls into this category, too.

I enjoy myself when I feel on purpose, aligned with my relatively new, supportive beliefs. I enjoy myself when I am in the present with awareness. If I choose to believe that every moment is perfect for where I am, if I look for the gift, the silver lining, the lesson, it is alway satisfying.

These attitudes are the foundation of my spiritual life, the universal urge we have to find connection, purpose, and meaning in our lives.

How have I changed from feeling adrift and lost to feeling spiritual purpose and joy in my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 05152015

Creating the Big Easy

Creating the Big Easy

One of those lines we hear on TV a lot is this, “We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way” On TV the easy way is usually caving in to the bullies, and the hard way is staying true to oneself. Mostly it’s not like that in the “real” world.  Here is a true thing: Easy is better, but not always what we think it is.

“Why is it easy?” is a lot like asking “How do I go with the flow of life?” When I stop resisting what is, and allow it, I don’t freak out. I don’t tense up, I don’t struggle, I don’t suffer.

With this chemo stuff, I have a bunch of opportunities to go with the flow. I find myself amazed that I can physically feel bad, and emotionally feel good, that I can find other stuff to attend to besides my discomfort, and that I really believe that “this too shall pass.”

I am amazed that I can let go of my big list of shoulds, and just be where I am. How can it be just so easy? Why do I go with the flow? What makes me flexible?

So here’s a wacky thing. Since I started rehearsing these “easy” questions, I’ve mostly stopped having bad days. That sure doesn’t mean that, uh, interesting stuff doesn’t happen any more. It does mean that I have some choices to make.

Do I want to be so rigid that one “interesting” thing can ruin my day and make me choose to feel angry or scared or miserable? Or do I want to be so flexible that one interesting thing can be the trigger to a wonderful day?

Sometimes I have ideas about myself. “That’s just the way I am.” Or, “I’m a taurus. That’s how we are.” Or, “I’m a woman, or American, or size 16.” When I hear me saying stuff like that, I have to stop for a bit. Am I saying that to support the me I want to be, or to justify or excuse a behavior that keeps me in struggle?

Why would I choose easy? What makes me let go of misery? How do I recognize my choices?

A big part of growing up is recognizing, and owning, our choices. It can be very challenging to do, especially when we feel buffeted by circumstances. We may be feeling like we are reacting to what is going on, not responding. We may feel like we can’t respond, like we aren’t choosing, but we can make our choices in a fraction of a second. Being aware, or looking back and noticing, can start to make a huge difference for us, for our comfort, for our sense of competency, for our feelings of personal power, for our experience of ease.

Sometimes we bale out on stuff we know would make us feel better, but it’s just on the other side of our comfort zone. It would take moving into unfamiliar territory and we don’t like to do that.  We have the idea that familiar is the same as easy. It’s not. When I was in an abusive relationship, of which I had several, it felt very familiar. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was ¨normal” for my life. Choosing to let that go was challenging, but gave me back a lot of me, and made so many things easier.

By looking at my ideas of ¨who I am¨ and assessing them, by looking into my heart and seeing who I want to be, I can start making choices that support me, that don’t hold me back, that don’t make me miserable, or push my loved ones out. I make choices that make my life easy.

How have I changed from making it hard to making it easy?

© Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 12062014

Acting As If

Acting As If

The commitment card came up again this morning. When they are showing up close like that, I usually take it as an opportunity to delve deeper into what these particular Creative Questions can bring us. In this case, I want to look at our emo-habits and commitments.

We know we have a big ol’ emo-habit cookin’ when we say, “That’s just the way I am.”

We are never “just that way.” We are in a constant state of flux. Our bodies are constantly renewing on a cellular level, We are growing stuff like hair, nails, skin. We are having new experiences, even if we feel like we are in a rut. Each encounter is new, each interaction has potential to go in other directions.

What we are saying when we say, “That’s just the way I am,” is that this is what I am committed to, irrespective of whether it supports me.

“But, but, but...” I hear you say. The point is, do you believe that a person can change how they think, or not?

Why can I choose? What makes me explore my own self? How do I decide?

Sometimes we think that it is easier to stay as we are, or as we think we are. We consider ourselves, then, almost as two-dimensional beings, without depth, without free will. We may feel like our circumstances have us trapped in a life we don’t particularly like.

Somewhere inside we know that we do have free will, and that we feel like we have somehow traded it in for familiarity, because abandoning our free will for status quo is rarely a barter we make for joy or fun or peace. Sometimes we feel as though changing our perceived status quo would create such upheaval that we are afraid to try.

And so we commit to living a life of sorrow, or misery, or fear. We bring to bear all the amazing skills and creativity and resources we have to maintaining thought patterns and habits that bring us down, keep us small, hold us in. Poor we.

We decide that other people are different from us. That the people who create positive change in their lives have some mysterious thing in their character that we don’t have, that we have a fatal flaw that holds us back.

All we have is a strong commitment, based on beliefs, which are just ideas we give credence to.

What am I committed to? Where do I put my energy? What do I believe of me?

Sometimes we need to decide that we will act as if. Act as if we deserve better, act as if we are worth it, act as if we matter. This can be a surprising effective thing, acting as if. When we do this, we access more resourceful parts of ourselves, and can find new strength, new vigor, new abilities, even.

How have I changed from feeling trapped to committing to living my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 08142014

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Being able to get to my peaceful place has been such a gift in my life. That sense of calm, of respite, of soft. I love to take a deep breath, and center into that space, letting things go. It’s like hitting a reset button.

I know so many of us don’t get there very often. Some of us think, “I can’t, it’s too hard.” Some of us think, “Peace is denied me for some reason.” Some of us think, “I just don’t know how.”

One of my favorite quotes, “The limits of my language are the limits of my world.” Ludwig Wittgenstein said that. I first encountered it in high school, and have thought about it a lot since then. It seems to dovetail nicely with the Henry Ford quote, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

So many of us have taken the notion that we just are the way we are, kind of miserable a lot of the time, but not so awful that we feel compelled to do something about it. Like having a low-grade infection that keeps our energy down, or a mild skin irritation that keeps us feeling itchy a lot, but not enough to drive us nuts most of the time. Just kinda down. Just kinda low. Just kinda blah.

Why would I choose peaceful? How am I in charge of me? What makes me decide?

That mild negativity is insidious, depleting our juice one drop, one drop, one more drop at a time until we wonder what’s the point.

Language. The language we use all the time has a powerful impact on our experience, more than any other thing.

When I am using vaguely negative language to describe my life, to you, or to myself, that’s how I feel, meh. I pay more attention to the ick than the nice, I notice more what’s off than what’s on, I feel dissatisfied.

I didn’t get enough sleep/downtime/attention/work done/fill in the blank. Now I am setting myself in a little hole of discontent, and I can dig it deeper quite easily. Or I can choose to reframe my experience into something that feels good.

How do I choose? Why do I accept my now? How am I present?

Discontent is often just a little clench, but a clench nonetheless. It is based on expectations of how something should go, and shoulds often get us in trouble. I used to think that I should get a certain amount of sleep in a certain way, and if I didn’t I would spend the next day feeling wiped out. Instead, I can let it go, and know that I can have a good day anyway. I used to think that relaxing was for the end of the day, and then the end of the day would come and I would be so cranked up I couldn’t relax.

Taking a relaxation break during the day to take a few deep breaths, to soften clenched muscles, to soften our thoughts, makes relaxing easier in general. I have two little patterns I use a lot. When I hear someone say “breathe” I take a few deep breaths. Easy. And when I want a little relaxation break, I sit down, put my hands flat on my thighs, and soften. Those two things are called “anchors” and they help us establish new habits.

How have I changed from feeling like I don’t get to have peace to claiming peaceful for my own?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07262014