Creating the Big Easy

Creating the Big Easy

One of those lines we hear on TV a lot is this, “We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way” On TV the easy way is usually caving in to the bullies, and the hard way is staying true to oneself. Mostly it’s not like that in the “real” world.  Here is a true thing: Easy is better, but not always what we think it is.

“Why is it easy?” is a lot like asking “How do I go with the flow of life?” When I stop resisting what is, and allow it, I don’t freak out. I don’t tense up, I don’t struggle, I don’t suffer.

With this chemo stuff, I have a bunch of opportunities to go with the flow. I find myself amazed that I can physically feel bad, and emotionally feel good, that I can find other stuff to attend to besides my discomfort, and that I really believe that “this too shall pass.”

I am amazed that I can let go of my big list of shoulds, and just be where I am. How can it be just so easy? Why do I go with the flow? What makes me flexible?

So here’s a wacky thing. Since I started rehearsing these “easy” questions, I’ve mostly stopped having bad days. That sure doesn’t mean that, uh, interesting stuff doesn’t happen any more. It does mean that I have some choices to make.

Do I want to be so rigid that one “interesting” thing can ruin my day and make me choose to feel angry or scared or miserable? Or do I want to be so flexible that one interesting thing can be the trigger to a wonderful day?

Sometimes I have ideas about myself. “That’s just the way I am.” Or, “I’m a taurus. That’s how we are.” Or, “I’m a woman, or American, or size 16.” When I hear me saying stuff like that, I have to stop for a bit. Am I saying that to support the me I want to be, or to justify or excuse a behavior that keeps me in struggle?

Why would I choose easy? What makes me let go of misery? How do I recognize my choices?

A big part of growing up is recognizing, and owning, our choices. It can be very challenging to do, especially when we feel buffeted by circumstances. We may be feeling like we are reacting to what is going on, not responding. We may feel like we can’t respond, like we aren’t choosing, but we can make our choices in a fraction of a second. Being aware, or looking back and noticing, can start to make a huge difference for us, for our comfort, for our sense of competency, for our feelings of personal power, for our experience of ease.

Sometimes we bale out on stuff we know would make us feel better, but it’s just on the other side of our comfort zone. It would take moving into unfamiliar territory and we don’t like to do that.  We have the idea that familiar is the same as easy. It’s not. When I was in an abusive relationship, of which I had several, it felt very familiar. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was ¨normal” for my life. Choosing to let that go was challenging, but gave me back a lot of me, and made so many things easier.

By looking at my ideas of ¨who I am¨ and assessing them, by looking into my heart and seeing who I want to be, I can start making choices that support me, that don’t hold me back, that don’t make me miserable, or push my loved ones out. I make choices that make my life easy.

How have I changed from making it hard to making it easy?

© Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 12062014