Acting As If

Acting As If

The commitment card came up again this morning. When they are showing up close like that, I usually take it as an opportunity to delve deeper into what these particular Creative Questions can bring us. In this case, I want to look at our emo-habits and commitments.

We know we have a big ol’ emo-habit cookin’ when we say, “That’s just the way I am.”

We are never “just that way.” We are in a constant state of flux. Our bodies are constantly renewing on a cellular level, We are growing stuff like hair, nails, skin. We are having new experiences, even if we feel like we are in a rut. Each encounter is new, each interaction has potential to go in other directions.

What we are saying when we say, “That’s just the way I am,” is that this is what I am committed to, irrespective of whether it supports me.

“But, but, but...” I hear you say. The point is, do you believe that a person can change how they think, or not?

Why can I choose? What makes me explore my own self? How do I decide?

Sometimes we think that it is easier to stay as we are, or as we think we are. We consider ourselves, then, almost as two-dimensional beings, without depth, without free will. We may feel like our circumstances have us trapped in a life we don’t particularly like.

Somewhere inside we know that we do have free will, and that we feel like we have somehow traded it in for familiarity, because abandoning our free will for status quo is rarely a barter we make for joy or fun or peace. Sometimes we feel as though changing our perceived status quo would create such upheaval that we are afraid to try.

And so we commit to living a life of sorrow, or misery, or fear. We bring to bear all the amazing skills and creativity and resources we have to maintaining thought patterns and habits that bring us down, keep us small, hold us in. Poor we.

We decide that other people are different from us. That the people who create positive change in their lives have some mysterious thing in their character that we don’t have, that we have a fatal flaw that holds us back.

All we have is a strong commitment, based on beliefs, which are just ideas we give credence to.

What am I committed to? Where do I put my energy? What do I believe of me?

Sometimes we need to decide that we will act as if. Act as if we deserve better, act as if we are worth it, act as if we matter. This can be a surprising effective thing, acting as if. When we do this, we access more resourceful parts of ourselves, and can find new strength, new vigor, new abilities, even.

How have I changed from feeling trapped to committing to living my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 08142014

'Tudes

‘Tudes

I pulled the trust card this morning. What a good reminder of a bunch of different things, mostly about attitude.

And isn’t that what it’s all about.

One of the biggest secrets in the world of how to live a good life is right in front of our faces all the time.  Attitude is the lion’s share of how our days go.

When I come to my morning with an attitude of cheerful, peaceful, and present, I have a nicer day than when I come to my morning with an attitude of pissy, entitled, and grim.

Attitude is a complex set of thoughts and feelings that set our filters, that is, what we are looking and listen for out in the world.

Simply put, when I have a good attitude, I find good stuff, when I have a bad attitude, I find bad stuff.

In the olden days, I sorted for bad stuff all the time, from who was doin’ me wrong to how awful the world was. For some reason, then, I seemed to have trust issues.

Back then, I would say with great gloom and certainty, “I know how this is going to play out,” and often that was exactly how it went. I knew that so-and-so would hurt me, that thus-and-such would bomb, and that, while things most likely wouldn’t turn out the worst way, because I had a very good imagination, they certainly wouldn’t turn out the best way.

Little by little, my teacher nudged me to a different attitude. We would imagine things getting better. How they would look, how I might feel. Not great, mind you, just better. A little better. Then a little more.

I imagined that everything was hard. She helped me imagine how things might be if they were easier. She helped me get out of myself enough to start seeing beauty in unlikely places, tiny kindnesses that strangers did for strangers, and solutions to problems. It took me eleven years to trust that she wouldn’t try to hurt me. We celebrated that day.

I expected that the closer I was to you, the worse you were going to get me, when you got around to it, which would be any time now. I was an expert in both anxiety and depression.

Why do I choose to feel safe? How do I feel protected? What makes me choose?

I changed a lot of things with those baby steps. I changed a lot of relationships by changing me. I left a lot of relationships that I couldn’t change. I changed my attitude a bit and a bit and a bit. I found trustworthy people and practiced trusting them. I started to feel safe. I learned how to feel protected.

Attitude will change a lot of things when it comes from our core. If I am pretending things are fine, that’s a horse of a different color. I was stuck in that for years. Pretending things are fine is a coverup. Forcing a good mood can feel awful, but softening into an attitude change can make all the difference.

How have I changed from faking a good attitude to really meaning it?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 03132014

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