Trusting the Win

Trusting the Win

Today when I drew my Creative Questions card I got two! I love it when that happens. Why do I trust? Why am I a winner? Good Questions! And a dynamic combo.

Two things are really useful for making the most of these questions; a concept called reframing; and a look at our judgments.

For me, my attitude about the world did a big shift when I realized that events are neutral. I know, right? Big stuff. Events don’t shift out from neutral until we judge them. Arbitrary. My POV. We know it’s true because we have seen over and over in our lives how one person may interpret an occurrence as a horrible disaster and someone else may see the same set of events as a great blessing. True isn’t Truth unless it’s true for everyone. Like breathing.

Since my goal is to live my effortless, natural life, I am looking for the neutral, and then the blessing. I practice this daily on the little stuff, going with the flow, carving new pathways in my brain, so that this practice comes to work on the medium stuff and the big stuff.

I had to do this, start this practice, and that meant I had to change my attitude about the Universe. In the yore days, I thought that the point was struggle and suffering. I thought that the Universe sent me trials to test me. Now I think I was full of beans! Now I think that the Universe is looking to help me be my best self, to support me, to shower me with blessings.

Breaking my habit of suffering misery took some doing. I ended up reframing my experiences by asking good Creative Questions like, How could this situation support or benefit me? What makes me find the silver lining? Why would I allow and accept this? How have I changed from going to misery to choosing to find the good?

By practicing this reframing daily, it has gotten to be automatic most of the time. This means that I hardly ever get thrown for a loop, or feel flapped. Usually, when I do, it’s because I am distracted by physical stuff, but I get my sangfroid back pretty fast. And replay the event with a variety of alternative responses so I am more prepared for the next time. One of the cool things is that there is always a next time until I get that kind of interaction reframed, and then it hardly ever happens anymore. Weird.

How could I choose to trust? What makes me believe everything happens for me? Why am I successful? What makes me appreciate my efforts?

Oh, yeah, that’s a big part of this whole process. I need to notice, allow, and accept my successes when it comes to changing my behaving. I need to review them from time to time, then own them. For so many of us, this is really challenging. We get limiting ideas about how we are who we are. We can always recognize these limiting ideas by noticing where we say stuff like, “That’s just the way I am,” or, “that’s just how things are.” These beliefs are like dropping a rock in the sand. They go plunk and just sit there. That’s just the way it is.

Well, it’s not. You’re not. We are so much more than we tend to think we are. We are dynamic, shimmering beings with amazing powers of change, change that happens in our brains, in our minds, in our beliefs. When we start using good Creative Questions, everything loosens up, everything gets softer, and we have wiggle room to be happier, more content, stronger, softer, and more alive.

How have I changed from feeling like a suffering loser to knowing that I am a trusting winner?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2016 all rights reserved 01062016

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Being able to get to my peaceful place has been such a gift in my life. That sense of calm, of respite, of soft. I love to take a deep breath, and center into that space, letting things go. It’s like hitting a reset button.

I know so many of us don’t get there very often. Some of us think, “I can’t, it’s too hard.” Some of us think, “Peace is denied me for some reason.” Some of us think, “I just don’t know how.”

One of my favorite quotes, “The limits of my language are the limits of my world.” Ludwig Wittgenstein said that. I first encountered it in high school, and have thought about it a lot since then. It seems to dovetail nicely with the Henry Ford quote, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

So many of us have taken the notion that we just are the way we are, kind of miserable a lot of the time, but not so awful that we feel compelled to do something about it. Like having a low-grade infection that keeps our energy down, or a mild skin irritation that keeps us feeling itchy a lot, but not enough to drive us nuts most of the time. Just kinda down. Just kinda low. Just kinda blah.

Why would I choose peaceful? How am I in charge of me? What makes me decide?

That mild negativity is insidious, depleting our juice one drop, one drop, one more drop at a time until we wonder what’s the point.

Language. The language we use all the time has a powerful impact on our experience, more than any other thing.

When I am using vaguely negative language to describe my life, to you, or to myself, that’s how I feel, meh. I pay more attention to the ick than the nice, I notice more what’s off than what’s on, I feel dissatisfied.

I didn’t get enough sleep/downtime/attention/work done/fill in the blank. Now I am setting myself in a little hole of discontent, and I can dig it deeper quite easily. Or I can choose to reframe my experience into something that feels good.

How do I choose? Why do I accept my now? How am I present?

Discontent is often just a little clench, but a clench nonetheless. It is based on expectations of how something should go, and shoulds often get us in trouble. I used to think that I should get a certain amount of sleep in a certain way, and if I didn’t I would spend the next day feeling wiped out. Instead, I can let it go, and know that I can have a good day anyway. I used to think that relaxing was for the end of the day, and then the end of the day would come and I would be so cranked up I couldn’t relax.

Taking a relaxation break during the day to take a few deep breaths, to soften clenched muscles, to soften our thoughts, makes relaxing easier in general. I have two little patterns I use a lot. When I hear someone say “breathe” I take a few deep breaths. Easy. And when I want a little relaxation break, I sit down, put my hands flat on my thighs, and soften. Those two things are called “anchors” and they help us establish new habits.

How have I changed from feeling like I don’t get to have peace to claiming peaceful for my own?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07262014

Easy Peasy

Easy Peasy

One of my most favorite questions EVER came up this morning, namely, Why is it so easy?

I love this question, because I am finding that it is, indeed, so easy. Just about anything I do can be just so easy.

It’s all up to me.

What makes it easy? How could it be easy? Why do I enjoy easy?

All I have to do is remember to go there.

When I choose  easy, I remember to relax, not just my body, but my thoughts as well. Relaxed is how easy feels. When I choose easy, I see more beauty, I see more kindness, I see more opportunities. I am present in my life.

When I choose easy, I am going with the flow of my life. That is effortless. I don’t have to earn it. I don’t have to work hard for it. I don’t have to do anything, just choose it. When I choose easy, I give up struggle.

Choosing easy can be weird when I have struggled to work hard and earn it my whole life. Now, let’s say we have a habit of struggle, of striving. We don’t believe that choosing easy could be that easy. We totally believe we have to do something to earn it, to work hard for it. So we have to unchoose those beliefs, and then choose easy. It helps to remember that easy is mostly a feeling, and we create our feelings with our thoughts.

Why would I choose easy? What makes me positive? How do I feel light?

Once I start to notice that I think something is hard, or difficult, or that I have to work at it, I can ask, “How could it be just so easy?” I can give up feeling clenched, or up tight, to use a very descriptive old bit of slang. I can also ask, “How do I feel when it’s just so easy,” and let the feeling wash through me.

Easy, for me, feels peaceful. It feels soft, it feels excited and curious. I have been paying attention to curious a lot lately. Curiosity is one of the flip sides of fear. When I am curious, I open up. I look for possibilities. I look for hidden treasure. Curiosity engages my best self. Curiosity is easy. Curiosity is powerful. Curiosity is a damsite better than scared.

Sometimes all I need to do is pay attention to my breath, and unclench my clenchy muscles. Sometimes all I need to do is stop for a moment, and regroup. Or count something. Sometimes all I need to do is reframe something. That means to look at what’s going on with a different point of view. Just that, the simple act of look at X from over there instead of over here can change it from hard, or dark, or icky, to a blessing, a gift, an opportunity.

Sometimes, what I need to do is find the humor in the situation, and crack wise about it. When I put on my smartypants, life is way more fun. I like to imagine what my smartypants look like. That is often just the disruption I need to lighten me up.

How have I changed from heavy and dark to feeling light and easy?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 06292014

The Lap of Luxury

The Lap of Luxury

Being a human is so cool. For one thing, I have language, which makes a huge difference between me, and say, my snails, or even my cats. Having language means that I can think about abstract concepts, work my way through knotty problems, imagine like crazy, and totally change my experience of the world with a few thoughts.

In my training, we called it “reframing” and that’s a fine term. Basically, it’s changing our point of view. Cultivating our imagination superpower will change our whole freakin’ life.

Feeling glum because I got scolded at work today for a mistake? I can work it and work it until I am depressed and pissed off, resentful, and bitter. And I can go home, bring it in with me, and take it out on my loved ones, stomping and moping all evening, maybe even getting wasted because I “deserve it.” Then, I wake up feeling crappy because I over-indulged, and still cranky. I wonder what kind of a day I will have?

Feeling glum because I got scolded at work today for a mistake? Well, mistakes, happen. I will correct it tomorrow, and let that glum go, because I have a pretty decent job, and pals to chat with on the bus, and enjoyable plans for my evening. I get to go home to my cozy house full of my loved ones, and life is good, and I sleep like a top. I wonder what kind of a day I will have?

How have I changed from feeling buffeted by my feelings, to being on top of them?

You may already be good at this. I sure wasn’t. I thought my feelings were kind of fixed. I thought they were True. And I certainly didn’t get the difference between feelings and emotions. Emotions are the physical manifestation of my thoughts. Feelings are the moosh of emotions and thoughts that I have been running and running, often based on mis-learnings through my whole life.

What makes me the boss of my thoughts?

Feeling comfortable, enjoying my life, making room for luck; these are things in my control. I get there by using my super powers of imagination, choice, and action! Wahoo!

Three little things to do, and I can change my life. Instead of focusing on the things that drive me crazy, or annoy the pants off me, I can notice the things I love about my job, I love about my family, I love about my home. Instead of hating my commute, I can turn it into valuable time for reading audio books, learning my music, or a new language, or use it to practice stillness.

I can use my super powers to turn my focus to what is so great about my life. to put my problems in perspective, to choose to act and feel like a grownup rather than a tantrum-y toddler.

What makes my life meaningful? Why do I love my life? How do I enjoy?

When I can imagine the gloriousness that is my life right now, when I can see my life without all my negative emotional judgments, I feel fortunate. Feeling fortunate makes me feel grateful. Feeling grateful makes me appreciate what I have. Appreciating what I have feels luxurious. I like feeling luxurious.

How have I changed from bitching about the ring to appreciating the toilet?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 11222013

No Pain, No Problems

No Pain, No Problems

One of my favorite words these days is rejuvenation. It means to make feel young again. I think of cool water on a hot day, or a refreshing breeze, or a wonderful, cracking stretch. I think of running for the joy of it, and giant smiles. I think of flowering meadows, and singing birds and sparkly sunshine.

On the other hand, I will tell you that I have little interest in feeling like I did when I was young. Ow. Being young for me was no picnic, I tells ya. I ached all over most of the time, crashing headaches most of the time. I had insomnia, anxiety, and I was always cold. I caught everything; colds, flu, random viruses. I got bronchitis and pneumonia like nobody’s business.

Not only that, but I was almost completely focused on my pain. I suppose that should really read, My Pain. It was certainly the focus of my day. I thought about it all the time. I worried about how bad it would get, how bad it was. I wondered what it would stop me from doing. I wondered how it would ruin my life this week. Poor me.

Now, let me say right up front, I am not without intense sensation from time to time. However, in the same way that I decided I would no longer have problems, I decided I would no longer have pain. This is a language thing, not a sensation thing.

When we decide that we choose happiness, we have to give up some stuff. We have to give up having problems and crises, having pain, worry, anxiety, guilty, and so on.

Giving up those things doesn’t mean the same stuff doesn’t happen.

That’s important.

What it means is that we reframe it.

When I wanted to stop having problems, crises, and issues, I started looking for new language. What else could I say to describe whatever was going on? Now I have topics. For me, that is a really neutral word. I have a car topic right now. A topic is something I can pay attention to or not, it has no emotional weight. The car broke down. I was safe. I have an auto club to call, I can choose to be cheery. Car got dropped off at shop near my home, all was well, no big deal.

Plus, I felt light for being cheery. Plus, I felt proud of me for choosing light. Plus, I felt grown up for staying calm. Plus, I was happy that the guys from the car club who helped me appreciated that I was cheery. Oh, and there’s more, but you get it. I felt great.

When I decided to stop having pain, I did the same thing. I looked for words that were emotionally neutral. I settled on discomfort and sensation. When I wake up in the morning, I have sensations, and after I do some yoga, they go away. When I dislocated and cracked my shoulder, I had discomfort, often at an 8 or 9, but still simply discomfort.

When I call it pain, the sensations seems to radiate through my body, my chest caves in a bit. I start to feel heavy and dark, and scared all the way through my body. When I call it discomfort, the sensation stays put, and I can stay upbeat.

So I focus on what rejuvenates me; Qigong, kungfu, yoga, walking, napping, wholesome food, time with friends and loved ones, sleep, a day every so often of being alone, the occasional crazy thing.

How have I changed from suffering to enjoying being alive in my body?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10072013

Ka-Ching!

Ka-Ching!

Money is such an interesting thing. We have a thousand words for it, we have a thousand feelings about it. Can you imagine how messed up stuff would be if we had the same kind of emo-craze around electricity? Or water? Or air?

Money is energy, flowing energy. Simple, clean. But boy, oh, boy, what we do with it!

We feel all the basic emotions around money, and then we make it complicated with mislearnings and feelings about the mislearnings, and then we act on that and do weird things with our money, or for money, or against money.

Some of us act like it’s a sentient entity that’s out to get us. I’ve worked with people who realized that they saw money as their hateful, miserly grandpa, who beat them, and, although he had a lot of money, and they were cold and hungry, never helped them. Or as a cold and calculating businessman who thought money should only be spent on necessities, anything else was wasteful. Clients who saw money as a wild jock who spent spent spent on anything fun, with nothing left over for basic needs.

Wowza.

In the dark ages, money scared me so much. I saw it as the source of misery and stress. I saw money as loud and angry and violent. Certainly, that kind of energy was something I wanted to stay away from.

One of my oldest and dearest friends gave me a huge gift many years ago. I was confessing, with great shame, my horrible money secrets. He reacted with no feelings, like we were discussing a math problem. My shame and misery fell away, and money turned into energy, like electricity. Clean, pure energy, flowing in and flowing out, pooling here and there. What a transformation.

Why do I have a happy, peaceful, relationship with money? Why is my relationship with money so fruitful and fun? Why is money an expression of joy?

Choosing to enjoy our relationship with money softens up a lot of things for a lot of us. As we change the way we think of money, from power to energy, for example, or from violence to love, we will alter our relationship with the things we purchase, or sell.

Choosing to see our relationship with money as a celebration, as an endless course of gratitude-makers, as a vital and positive complement to our life, we shift our relationship with the people whom we have given financial power over us. Parents, spouses, bosses, customers, debtors, all can leave us feeling financially overwhelmed.

When we reframe our relationship with money, we can free ourselves from the feelings and negative thoughts we used put on those particular relationships. That frees up a ton of energy we can use to bring more money into our lives in positive and loving ways.

How have I changed from having an unpleasant relationship with money, to loving my financial interactions?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09182013