Lush and Lavish

Lush and Lavish

Hanging out on the porch one day last week, my friend and I were listing all the mundane things that make our lives lovely. How fun! I had been thinking about the notion of feeling like one is living in the wrong time. While this desire isn’t one of mine, I have known many people who feel this way. I guess it’s because if I had been born even ten years earlier, I would have died when I was three. And again when I was ten. And again in my 50s.

I joke a lot about living in the future. I say that because my inner ten-year-old remembers vividly discussing with a good friend what we thought things would be like in the 2000s. The whole bad idea of flying cars aside, we talked about communicator devices, teleporting, and fashions, and travel to the stars. I think about how exciting it was to imagine being in my 50s. I was so right! I remember thinking that I would live in luxury. I sure feel that way now. Thank you, prophetic former self!

How do I feel when I feel that I live in luxury? Why is my life so luxurious? What makes me notice my luxuries?

When I decided to give up my poverty mentality I had a lot of work to do. I had to really pay attention to what I was saying, to what I was thinking. For example, I often caught myself saying, “I can’t afford it.” The feeling I had when I said that was icky. I felt deprived, or undeserving, or I was lying and used that line instead of saying, “No thanks, I don’t want to,” which was more often than not what I actually meant.

I used to think I couldn’t afford nice clothes and shoes, for example. I did a lot of shopping for my stuff at cut-rate stores and felt frumpy and frowzy. I felt like I couldn’t afford wholesome food, so I ate processed stuff, and cheap snacks full of ingredients. I felt crummy but believed that I couldn’t afford to go to a gym, or take classes, or go out with my friends. I had the idea that I couldn’t make a good living, that somehow I couldn’t really take care of myself.

Poor little me!

Everyone learns to view the world through mental filters. We have to. The sheer volume of information we are exposed to would leave us completely overwhelmed. So we filter. And we filter. And we learn to filter for certain things, like the kind of people we are attracted to, like the way we view ourselves, like a poverty mentality. Many of these filters we acquire as very little children, and many of them are just plain wrong. I call that “mislearning.”

One of our tasks in life is to grow up. Not just to get older, but to mature, to eliminate our immature or childish thoughts and behaviors and to replace them with adult behaviors. It’s one thing to have a temper tantrum when we are 3, but another thing altogether when, as a fifty year old we are still giving people the silent treatment, or shouting at them, especially when we have the same fights over and over.

Shedding our poverty mentality is similar. Learning to notice when we get that lack-feeling and then immediately addressing it with a good Creative Question will go a long way toward turning poverty mind into luxury mind. Practicing gratitude and appreciation will also bring us a sense of the magnificent abundance in our lives.

How have I changed from feeling want to reveling in my abundance of luxury?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 07012015

Luxury of Mind

Luxury of Mind

Today I drew the Luxury card. I love that card. It got me thinking, like Creative Questions often do, and I found myself thinking about the luxury of mind.

The Luxury of Mind. I love that phrase. I find it so evocative.

How do I enjoy the luxury of my mind? What makes me aware? How do I luxuriate in my thoughts?

My mind is a place where I like to think I am in complete control. That’s kind of true. It’s also really not true, but there is a lot we can change about that.

They say that about 12% of our thoughts are conscious, and that of those, a goodly chunk are habit-thoughts. A part of cultivating the Luxury of Mind is noticing what we are thinking.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love habits and routines. The things that fire off on autopilot free up my little 12% for other stuff. Getting up; yoga, bathroom, kitchen, coffee, cats, breakfast, lunch all get done so fast that I am sitting down and enjoying my coffee before I’m even aware of being awake. Hand washing laundry, vacuuming, dishes, and dusting are also tasks that don’t require me to be paying attention. I’m mindful in that I try to avoid vacuuming up cat toys or dusting fragile things onto the floor, but you get my drift.

When I am luxuriating in my mind, I am doing any number of think-y things. Perhaps I am daydreaming about a holiday, or having a little fantasy about living in a cloud city with winged horses, or gelato in Venice. Perhaps I am imagining the goals I would like to achieve, or appreciating the joys of my daily life.

Sometimes, in order to clean out my emo basement, I have to think about stuff that is really challenging and I get all full of heavy feelings. It might be that I have to go to a dark place, or look at things I may have done, or things that were done to me or around me, that have caused harm. This is another kind of luxury. What’s that you say? How could this be?

In order to look at our dark stuff, we need courage. We need to have some sense of our own strength. We need to have goals, like being free of our dark stuff. We need time. We often need a teacher. These things are luxuries, necessary, yes, but luxuries, like indoor plumbing or heat.

When I am being aware of my Luxury of Mind, I pull out my favorite Creative Questions. I practice thinking about what is good in my life. I practice thinking about how abundant my life is, how I have filled it with joy. I practice and I let my heart be light.

Sometimes, I bump into a scary memory, or the emotional hurt, and use my mind to work through the topic to the end when I can. I feel the feelings, I stick with it until it dissolves. Oh, man! If THAT moment isn’t Luxury of Mind, I don’t know what is.

Recognizing the difference between luxuriating and wallowing is crucial. When I am all focused on my physical discomfort, I am often wallowing. That’s a good time for me to distract myself. When I am focused on self-care, I am often luxuriating. It’s all about perspective and judgment; do my thoughts leave me feeling light or heavy?

How have I changed from wallowing in my dark space to luxuriating in my mind?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 01282015

Corinthian Leather and Diamonds

Some years back I read an article about De Beers diamonds. I don’t know if it is true, but they basically said that De Beers turned a relatively unknown stone into treasure through marketing, making them scarce, and making them expensive. Like I said, I don’t know if that’s true, but as usual it got me thinking about how we think about stuff. In this case, luxury.

Luxury is a weird concept. A lot of us think of it as something we don’t have. Or something really pricey. Many years ago, I thought it would be great to have some really luxurious towels. I found a set that had been really expensive marked way down at a going-out-of-business sale. They were super fluffy, and white as snow. Fancy cotton. I felt great using them, and even enjoyed folding them and putting them away with my linens. And within a couple years, they were fraying. I expect my towels to last longer that two years, especially being line-dried, and was so sad.

They were fancy, but didn’t seem luxurious after that. They certainly weren’t worth the original price, at least not to me, and I resolved then to look for the fancy stuff I wanted at my stuff more reasonable prices, or even less if I could find it.

What makes me luxuriate? How do I feel lavished? Why am I aware?

These days, I find that my sense of luxurious seems to have more to do with my degree of awareness than cost or rarity. Time with my loved ones. Time in solitude. Time in activities I love. When I am present, these are priceless treasures. A delicious something like the sweet potato tater tots I had for lunch the other day. Sleeping well when I am really tired. Coming upon a task I completed after I’ve finished it, and forgotten I did it, like shining my sink up after washing the dishes.

When I feel like I am luxuriating I am usually relaxed and feeling peaceful, even if I am also excited about whatever it is. It means that I can luxuriate in the mundane on a regular basis. I find I like luxuriating a lot. And since being present is a good component of that, it pays off to be present. Sitting on my porch at the end of the day when the traffic quiets down is a really nice example. I love the hubbub of the flow, and the quiet is like a soothing unguent afterwards.

Expecting my life to be filled with luxuries helps me spot them. The De Beers story made me think about things that fill my life, and how marketing them, that is, changing how I think about stuff, can turn things from rocks that look like little chunks of glass into diamonds.

Taking time to think about how I find luxury, about how I feel when I luxuriate, why I am open to luxury, all help me enjoy it more. Slowing down inside enough to savor my experiences.

It’s all about the marketing. Like the commercials for chocolate, where the actor takes little tiny bites with a look of bliss on her face. Savor. Or the lovely car commercials where a car is driving down a lovely country land, or through some other beautiful scenery. Or the happy families who just bought a house, or are eating dinner with big smiles, or being all thrilled about their laundry.

We do marketing for ourselves all the time. We are telling ourselves how great something is, or will be, or how awful something is or will be, and without the marketing, it’s all pretty much neutral. One of my favorite examples is from an old Chrysler car commercial where a sultry male voice crooned about “rich Corinthian leather” which actually came from Newark. But for ages, that phrase made us feel like we needed it in our cars for them to be fancy.

How have I changed from languishing in an inferior life to upping my internal marketing to luxury?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07312014

Leaving the Lack Tree Forest

Leaving the Lack Tree Forest

One of the nicest things that has changed in my life has been moving away from lack to abundance. One of my dearest friends talks about living in the lack-tree forest, where you can’t see all the abundance for focusing on the lack. Cuz it’s really just that easy.

We have so much language that is about lack. Curiously, one of the most lacking words is enough. The nature of enough is that, in general, there never is. Enough money, enough power, enough fame, there often is a carrot hanging off a stick tantalizing us with just a little bit more, just the next conquest, the next thing, and then it will be enough.

But it never is.

Why do I enjoy plenty? How is my life abundant? What makes me appreciate the luxury?

When I start looking for luxury, I am often dazzled by how much there is. The pockets of nature filled with interesting stuff to see and smell and hear and feel. The breeze in the trees, birdies do their birdie things, plants that show up in unlikely places, a mysterious, nice smell that you can’t quite pinpoint.

And the luxury of friends and family, When we can get together and be ourselves, and feel loved anyway. The luxury of compassion, the luxury of forgiveness, the luxury of patience, the luxury of kindness.

We have the luxury of choice, to choose to make our lives better, more fun, easier, more relaxed. To choose to flow with our lives, to let them unfold, with all their attendant stuff, more luxury. The luxury of an open heart.

When I start looking for luxury, I am often astounded. The luxury of hearing a stranger’s story. The luxury of grasping a new point of view that makes things nicer. The luxury of having time to work through a challenging situation, or a complex set of feelings, and coming out the other side stronger, deeper, wiser.

The luxury of understanding that I create my reality with my thoughts and feelings and filters, and that if I don’t like this way, I can rethink it and have a new experience. Wow.

The luxury of understanding that happiness is available to me from the inside out. That my happiness is not contingent on outside stuff, but on my way of being in the world. That I can choose to look up, to connect with my perfect self, to relax into my natural life, and flow into nice.

When I gave up having problems, being poor, feeling sick, my life did a big 180. All I had to do was change the words. We never think that using a different word can make such a big difference, but there you go. We have the luxury of so much language that, simply by using a new word, will bring us to a place we feel more comfortable in, happier, less stressed.

Changing my language took some awareness, took some practice, but it has been so worth it. Simply using different words, positive phrases, upbeat concepts, I change my mood, I change my emotions, I change my thinking, I come closer to being my perfect self.

How have I changed from seeing the lack to living a life of luxury and abundance?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07042014

Slow and Steady

Slow and Steady

It’s a two card day! I love two card days. Today I pulled the luxury card and the capable card; nice complements.

One of our typical make-our-own-lives-suck tricks is what is often referred to as “giving away our power.” When we do that, we are telling the other person that we are incapable, incompetent, and weak. We think we are giving over the charge of our lives, our decisions, our risk, but we aren’t, we are just fooling ourselves. We decide to do what So-and-So says, we decide to be victims and martyrs. It’s likely very unconscious, and we are not to blame for it, but we can take responsibility for ourselves, to choose a different way.

Another great make-our-own-lives-suck tricks is denying the true quality of our lives. Sometimes, we deny the wonder in our lives, or the blessings, or the treasure. Sometimes, we deny how bad it really is, we deny the abnormality of abuse, or dis-ease, or addiction,  and we are not to blame for it, but we can take responsibility for ourselves, to choose a different way.

On the one hand, there are usually things that could be better.

On the other hand, there is always something to appreciate, something to value, something for which we could be grateful  It may be a small thing, but it’s there, and the more I notice my gratitude, my appreciation, the more it will expand and grow stronger, and the more I will, not only notice, but also receive.

Have you ever done a “savor exercise?” It’s taking a few minutes to really, deeply experience something you eat or drink. You really look at it, you smell it, you feel the texture inside your mouth. You savor the flavors as you chew it slowly, and then, when you swallow, you attend to the tastes left in your mouth.

This exercise is a good, easy way to break in on really experiencing life.

Why am I capable? Why do I savor? Why would I choose to slow down?

Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? How the hare was all zippy and arrogant, and took a nap, and lost the race? The moral of the story is not don’t take naps. Rather, it is that we can often accomplish what we want to when we slow down inside.

I frequently have todo lists that go on and on. Some tasks will take a while, some are quick. I have found that I get a lot more accomplished when I slow down inside, another way of saying being aware, or mindful, or present. I get more done when I am speaking well of myself to myself than when I am berating me. I get more done when I remember that every task has a end point, at least for today, and, one of my favorite old saws, “This, too, shall pass.”

I used to paralyze myself with perfectionism. I would put stuff off because I needed X do to it perfectly, or I needed a whole day, or some other reason. Perfectionism and procrastination are very good friends. And, I am not doing brain surgery, so good enough is good enough, and I am quite capable of good enough.

How have I change from feeling miserly and incapable, to owning the luxury and standing up for me?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 04112014

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Emotional Growth University

Emotional Growth University

What makes my life magnificent? How’s that for an awesome question?

One way for me; I am in a phase where I consider myself back full time in Emotional Growth University. I am taking some fantastic classes; Releasing Your Inner Victim, Cumulative Grief - What’s in it for you? Coping with Negative People Seminar, Thriving as an Introvert Seminar, Finding Balance In Change Independent Study. I have brilliant teachers who offer me interesting challenges regularly.

EGU is an amazing place. Every class is tailored to your individual needs and to help you reach your individual goals. There are no age restrictions, and no one is ever turned away. You can’t flunk out. If you are having trouble with a particular class, you can work on the topic until you finish, even if it takes years. Classes are free to all.

One of the things about EGU is that it has no graduates. We are enrolled from our beginning all the way through to the end. We don’t get grades, and we don’t always know when we’ve either finished one course or started the next.

As a general rule, I know I am in a course when certain people offer me the same kind of challenges over and over.

Now, I believe that I am fortunate. I believe that happy is my natural state. I believe that troublesome people are in my life to teach me lessons; the more troublesome the person, the more important the lesson.

How am I lucky? Why am I happy? Why do I choose to learn my life lessons?

It has been my experience that when I learn a life lesson, the stupid, hard, annoying, or painful situation vanishes. I may think I have it, but if the situation doesn’t change, there is more for me to gain from it.

I don’t know about you, but I would much rather look at the crap in my life as a profound gift from the Universe than as random shit I have to contend with. I would rather look at the people who are pains in my patootie as teachers than as jerks. I would rather consider the challenging stuff I’m dealing with as something that I will benefit from working through instead of as ways to make me miserable. I like the idea that my challenges are custom-made just for me, because, frankly, I would hate to have to be dealing with what you are going through.

Oh, the other hand, it would be nice to get spring break.

How do I relax? What makes me calm? How do I feel when I am peaceful?

Making time everyday to check in with myself helps me stay on track. I remember to choose peaceful when I do that. When I feel peaceful, it is easy for me to feel compassion for my teachers. When I feel peaceful, I can take a step back and think about my part in my situations, and what I can do to change them. When I feel peaceful, I am responsive rather than reactive. I feel comfortable. I can see my blessings. My life is magnificent.

How have I changed from seeing pain and lack to enjoying my sumptuous life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 03212014

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The Lap of Luxury

The Lap of Luxury

Being a human is so cool. For one thing, I have language, which makes a huge difference between me, and say, my snails, or even my cats. Having language means that I can think about abstract concepts, work my way through knotty problems, imagine like crazy, and totally change my experience of the world with a few thoughts.

In my training, we called it “reframing” and that’s a fine term. Basically, it’s changing our point of view. Cultivating our imagination superpower will change our whole freakin’ life.

Feeling glum because I got scolded at work today for a mistake? I can work it and work it until I am depressed and pissed off, resentful, and bitter. And I can go home, bring it in with me, and take it out on my loved ones, stomping and moping all evening, maybe even getting wasted because I “deserve it.” Then, I wake up feeling crappy because I over-indulged, and still cranky. I wonder what kind of a day I will have?

Feeling glum because I got scolded at work today for a mistake? Well, mistakes, happen. I will correct it tomorrow, and let that glum go, because I have a pretty decent job, and pals to chat with on the bus, and enjoyable plans for my evening. I get to go home to my cozy house full of my loved ones, and life is good, and I sleep like a top. I wonder what kind of a day I will have?

How have I changed from feeling buffeted by my feelings, to being on top of them?

You may already be good at this. I sure wasn’t. I thought my feelings were kind of fixed. I thought they were True. And I certainly didn’t get the difference between feelings and emotions. Emotions are the physical manifestation of my thoughts. Feelings are the moosh of emotions and thoughts that I have been running and running, often based on mis-learnings through my whole life.

What makes me the boss of my thoughts?

Feeling comfortable, enjoying my life, making room for luck; these are things in my control. I get there by using my super powers of imagination, choice, and action! Wahoo!

Three little things to do, and I can change my life. Instead of focusing on the things that drive me crazy, or annoy the pants off me, I can notice the things I love about my job, I love about my family, I love about my home. Instead of hating my commute, I can turn it into valuable time for reading audio books, learning my music, or a new language, or use it to practice stillness.

I can use my super powers to turn my focus to what is so great about my life. to put my problems in perspective, to choose to act and feel like a grownup rather than a tantrum-y toddler.

What makes my life meaningful? Why do I love my life? How do I enjoy?

When I can imagine the gloriousness that is my life right now, when I can see my life without all my negative emotional judgments, I feel fortunate. Feeling fortunate makes me feel grateful. Feeling grateful makes me appreciate what I have. Appreciating what I have feels luxurious. I like feeling luxurious.

How have I changed from bitching about the ring to appreciating the toilet?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 11222013