On Being Resource Rich
One of the myriad things I love about being a grownup is the resources. Another thing I love about being a grownup is knowing how to use my resources. These are two very important things.
In years of yore, I felt like I had no resources. Except maybe my wits. Poor me. My wits were pretty addled back then, with pain, and suffering, drugs, sleep deprivation, horrible diet, and very non-supportive thoughts.
Little by little I began to ask for, and receive, helpful help. No, I mean it. I’ve been the recipient of very unhelpful help, and have most likely doled out my share of unhelpful help as well.
I would imagine we all have.
I didn’t used to imagine that, that maybe we were alike.
I used to imagine that I was different. I used to imagine that I was weird, and unique. I imagined that I was a freak and that no one sucked as much as I did.
In 12 step programs they call that Inverse Grandiosity, and boy oh boy did I have it.
Nobody knew the trouble I’d seen. No one suffered as I suffered. No one was as messed up as I was. Blah blah blah.
It was, of course, on the one hand, ridiculous.
It was, on the other hand, great back-of-the-hand-to-the-forehead drama of the sort that Drama Queens pay good money for.
It was, on the third hand, hugely effective for helping me isolate: not a resourceful place.
Why do I enjoy the fruits of my resources?
As I began to heal, I began to connect, and as I connected and relaxed, I started finding resources. Turned out I had a ton of resources inside me. That was nice. And I found out that you have resources, and you know stuff I don’t, and that you would help me. That was really nice. Thank you.
As I got more comfortable with my new-found resources, I realized that I wasn’t limited to doctors of western medicine, and took acupuncture treatments for the debilitating headaches I got. I got better.
I moved to the city, which is loaded with resources, and baby step by baby step, I started using them, and my whole world got nicer.
I started to trust that I would always find the resources I needed for whatever might unfold, and so I was able to really start relaxing. Why am I okay? What makes my life nice? Why can I feel safe?
How do I know the Universe provides?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10232013
