Deciding to Choose

Deciding to Choose

I got my favorite card today, “Why can I choose?” This is where the action is, this is where change starts, this is the beginning of the life I want.

Why can I choose? How do I know I decide? What makes me notice my choices?

It is also something that we tend to deny.

What’s that you say? Why would I deny my choices?

Each of us has a huge pile of beliefs. We believe them We trust in them. We forget that they are beliefs and act as if they are just the way the world is. We have beliefs about ourselves and everyone else. We have beliefs about aging, beliefs about success, beliefs about limits, about nature, about food and art and music and joy.

So much of what we believe we took on as little kids. And a lot of it is just plain wrong. We mislearn based on watching our grown-ups do stuff. We mislearn based on listening or observing with baby-minds. We often forget the experiences that led us to our beliefs, and so we take them as fact. Or truth. And then we end up in trouble.

Drama is a good one. We get the idea that giant feelings are normal. Rage, grief, fear, resentment; we have the idea that holding onto these feelings is the way to go, and we let them build until we are yelling or weeping without end, saying horrible things to each other, hold onto perceived wrongs that others have done to us, or feel guilty for decades about things we did that we think are wrong.

Poor little we.

Taking things personally, feeling better than or less than, hiding our gifts, suffering, controlling, and looking for the worst are more examples of mislearning.

As we start to practice choice, we begin to be aware of our thoughts, and then aware of our beliefs. Recognizing that I believe X to be true means that I can look at that belief and see if it supports me. Recognizing that a belief is an idea, and not a law of nature, means that I can erase it, or rewrite it, or tweak it in a way that will make my life easier, freeing up my energy for things that matter to me.

Sometimes I need to take action to change a belief that harms me. Sometimes I need to delve into my past and complete an experience, one where I shut down before I got to the end. There are a lot of ways to do that. Find the ones that suit you best and clean up your emotional basement.

One of my friends refers to making these kinds of changes as using our want-power. For most of us, will-power just doesn’t work. We end up feeling weak and like we have failed. When we choose what we want, and then remember that we want it, we can unchoose behaviors or thoughts that get in the way of that desire. That’s easy.

How have I changed from believing my beliefs to knowing that I choose?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 05112015

Pacifying the Drama

Pacifying the Drama

I drew the “Why am I peaceful?” card today and, as usual, it got me thinking. I cannot be peaceful, which I really like, if I am being dramatic. As I have been going through all the chemo stuff, I have been pretty peaceful, and drama has not shown up much, but it shows up when I let me go to miserable. I can’t be peaceful and miserable at the same time.

When I choose to be miserable, because I am annoyed, or tired, or want to be doing something else, I am looking inward at my expectations. When I do that, I clench.

In my qi gong practice, we spend time with the idea or intention of being upright and relaxed. When I am upright and relaxed, it often has less to do with my physical being than with my emotional and spiritual self. I can feel upright and relaxed lying down and curled up.

So often, I find that my expectations of how this moment should be, rather than how it is, can lead me to clenched. I may have expectations of entitlement, or different circumstances, or that I should be feeling something else.

The Truth is, and notice the capital T which means true for everyone, this moment is perfect for me. Perfect. For. Me.

In my clenched state, I say, “What the heck does that mean? This moment sucks.”

Every moment is full of information for us about what we are doing, and how we are doing it. If I can soften up enough, I can notice the bad creative questions I am asking that are getting me the results I am being dramatic about.

Why am I so miserable? A bad creative question that will get answers like, nothing goes my way. I hate my life, I should have more money, friends, fun things to do, productive work, health, joy, contentment, a car, more ease, a better home. Look for your shoulds. They are a great way to beat ourselves up. A transitional creative question can be, “What stops me from having more joy, etcetera?” Or “What gets in my way?” If I am putting that on someone else, I can wonder why I have someone so obstructive in my life, or why I allow them to block me.

That moment can give us information about our blocking beliefs. One of my favorites is that if I have less stuff I will be bored. Really. I just noticed it this morning, thinking about being at my grandmother’s house with room after room of less stuff, and what we did on Sunday mornings was sit around having to be quiet while the adults read the paper, played solitaire, chatted quietly, or even napped. Napped! In the morning. Good grief. I, on the other hand, can stress out about how messy my house is, how the dishes and stuff need washing, and surrender to my sense of overwhelmed and watch old movies while feeling guilty. Huh. Insight.

Why am I peaceful? What makes me take care of myself? Why am I supportive?

Oh, supportive. Supportive of me staying away from the drama, which the preceding belief engenders. Why would I support myself? Why would I care for my environment? Why would I unchoose drama?

The more I practice feeling peaceful, the better the pathway to get there in my brain. When I get peaceful, I get more stuff that I want to finish finished. I make better choices about how to spend my time. It’s easier for me to say no, and I say yes with more clarity.

How have I changed from choosing drama to choosing peace?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 09142014

The River of Happiness

The River of Happiness

There is something in us that gives us life. When it is not in us, our bodies die. There are a lot of words for it. Life force will do for us for now. We also call it happiness.

Wait, what?

Yes, you heard me, happiness is one way we experience life force. It’s why practicing something like qi gong feels so good as we strengthen our life force.

I am not speaking about the kind of happy we feel when we get something we’ve wanted, or other nice things from outside. I am speaking of that feeling that bubbles up from deep inside us.

Why am I happy? What makes me feel alive? How do I choose my natural life?

In the olden days, I tried to be happy. I tried hard. I didn’t get very far trying. I tried looking at the bright side. I tried counting my blessings. It was work. Eventually I let go.

That was the difference that did it. When I let go, I relaxed. When I relaxed, it was easier to go with the flow. Instead of seeking the good in my life, I noticed it. Way easier. Instead of counting my blessings, I felt grateful and appreciative. Way easier. Instead of trying, I let it come up from inside. Way easier. I like easy.

I have a number of things I do that help my life force flow. Shaolin qi gong is one. Unlimited Breath work is another. Meditation does it, too. Dancing, a good walk; there are a lot of things I do to reap the flow. Relaxing in my daily life keeps it flowing. Then, I automatically look at the world with joyful filters, and it takes no effort to experience my life as wonder-filled. I like effortless.

Why is it just so easy? Why can it be effortless? How do I relax? Why do I choose?

We all try so hard. We strive to make a nice life for ourselves, our loved ones. We struggle to make ends meet. We pull our expectations in tight and hold them there. We believe we can only have a life that is so big, and no bigger. Sometimes, we feel like it’s all for nothing, and we resort to addictive behaviors to mask our feelings. As we let go of struggle, as we relax our grip on our expectations, as we change our beliefs about how our life can be, it all gets easier and softer.

Why am I wealthy? Why do good things happen for me? How do I enjoy my life?

Sometimes we have one of those days. Usually, if I stop and look at it, it’s not that the whole day was awful, but that a few parts were. Or were annoying, or frustrating, or sad. My choice is to hang onto those things and let them color the whole day, or week, or month. Or I can choose to let each thing go, and start fresh. It took me some practice, but like so many things, it was worth it.

Somedays, it is just one thing after another. When I am choosing to let each thing go, I can usually chalk it up to wonky energy on my part, and laugh at it. I know that this too shall pass, and that a wonky day is one of the ways I appreciate my normal days.

How have I changed from trying to make myself happy to letting my happiness flow?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 07192014

Are You Engaged?

Are You Engaged?

Sometimes we get a little complacent. We get comfortable, and start thinking that we don’t like it when things shake up. We start trying to insulate ourselves from situations and people who might make things happen in our lives. .

If we aren’t evolving, we’re devolving.

If I am not doing things to push myself a bit, to grow up, taking steps to my best self, I don’t stay where I am, I lose ground. We don’t stay still.

So I engage with my life, with the opportunities that come to me, with people I encounter. I make choices that help me engage with my life, with new things, with you.

When I engage, things happen. A lot of cool stuff, but sometimes interesting things happen.

When things happen, I have choices. I can say, “Grr! I am angry that this thing happened.” I can say, “Yikes! I am scared that this thing happened.” I can say, “Wow. How interesting that this thing happened. I wonder what I will discover.”

I’m not talking about our instant reaction, because sometimes stuff happens fast. Feel that feeling and then move on to curiosity.

Why am I curious? What makes me interested? Why do I choose to engage?

When I shift into curiosity, I can feel excited about what is going on. I can make choices about how I think about my new situation. I can notice if dark thoughts come up, and then I can use my tools to transform those thoughts into supportive thoughts.

When I shift into curiosity, I look for things in the situation that bless me. I look for opportunities to try out new ideas and skills. I look for ways to relax into the situation, since I know that resistance only hurts me. I practice my skills, I apply my tools, I use my Creative Questions, to engage with my life in this perfect moment.

When I practice this stuff on a regular basis, I form new thought-habits that support my well being. Perhaps things happen on a small scale that require me to ask for kinds of help I don’t normally need. Then when I need big help, I can receive it with joy. When I go to curiosity by my choice, I am in the habit of looking for how this situation will benefit me, and then when a big one happens, I look for the benefits almost automatically.

I notice my language. I notice when I am saying negative stuff like, “It’s going to take me a long time to work through this.” Or “I can’t handle this.” Or “Bad stuff always happens to me.” When I talk like this to myself, I am creating more situations that do not support me. When I use words like problem, sickness, loss, fear, poor, can’t, won’t, never or always, I am setting myself up to move into an emotional hole, and those can be challenging to recognize and to climb out from.

How do I know I can? How do I experience abundance? Why do I go with the flow?

Engaging with life, flowing with life, choosing to live fully under our current circumstances changes everything. We find blessings and gifts in unlikely places. People whom we would never expect, come through for us. We find resources of strength, of creativity, of competence and capability we might never have found otherwise.

How have I changed from hiding out to engaging with my life as it is?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 06272014