Pacifying the Drama
I drew the “Why am I peaceful?” card today and, as usual, it got me thinking. I cannot be peaceful, which I really like, if I am being dramatic. As I have been going through all the chemo stuff, I have been pretty peaceful, and drama has not shown up much, but it shows up when I let me go to miserable. I can’t be peaceful and miserable at the same time.
When I choose to be miserable, because I am annoyed, or tired, or want to be doing something else, I am looking inward at my expectations. When I do that, I clench.
In my qi gong practice, we spend time with the idea or intention of being upright and relaxed. When I am upright and relaxed, it often has less to do with my physical being than with my emotional and spiritual self. I can feel upright and relaxed lying down and curled up.
So often, I find that my expectations of how this moment should be, rather than how it is, can lead me to clenched. I may have expectations of entitlement, or different circumstances, or that I should be feeling something else.
The Truth is, and notice the capital T which means true for everyone, this moment is perfect for me. Perfect. For. Me.
In my clenched state, I say, “What the heck does that mean? This moment sucks.”
Every moment is full of information for us about what we are doing, and how we are doing it. If I can soften up enough, I can notice the bad creative questions I am asking that are getting me the results I am being dramatic about.
Why am I so miserable? A bad creative question that will get answers like, nothing goes my way. I hate my life, I should have more money, friends, fun things to do, productive work, health, joy, contentment, a car, more ease, a better home. Look for your shoulds. They are a great way to beat ourselves up. A transitional creative question can be, “What stops me from having more joy, etcetera?” Or “What gets in my way?” If I am putting that on someone else, I can wonder why I have someone so obstructive in my life, or why I allow them to block me.
That moment can give us information about our blocking beliefs. One of my favorites is that if I have less stuff I will be bored. Really. I just noticed it this morning, thinking about being at my grandmother’s house with room after room of less stuff, and what we did on Sunday mornings was sit around having to be quiet while the adults read the paper, played solitaire, chatted quietly, or even napped. Napped! In the morning. Good grief. I, on the other hand, can stress out about how messy my house is, how the dishes and stuff need washing, and surrender to my sense of overwhelmed and watch old movies while feeling guilty. Huh. Insight.
Why am I peaceful? What makes me take care of myself? Why am I supportive?
Oh, supportive. Supportive of me staying away from the drama, which the preceding belief engenders. Why would I support myself? Why would I care for my environment? Why would I unchoose drama?
The more I practice feeling peaceful, the better the pathway to get there in my brain. When I get peaceful, I get more stuff that I want to finish finished. I make better choices about how to spend my time. It’s easier for me to say no, and I say yes with more clarity.
How have I changed from choosing drama to choosing peace?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 09142014
No comments:
Post a Comment