What to Do with the Wah-Wahs

What to Do with the Wah-Wahs

One of the things I love about my Creative Questions decks is that I often will pull a card that is absolutely what I don’t want to hear. Like when I wake up crabby and hateful, and I draw the “Why am I so positive?” card. It reminds me to choose.

When I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, it usually means I’ve had a bad dream. Usually I don’t remember my dreams, but I do recognize that I’ve had one when I wake up feeling off.

When I first notice it, I am just in it. After a while, I start to feel uncomfortable in it, and that’s usually when I remember I can change my feelings easily by changing my thoughts, my posture, and my facial expressions.

What is good in my life? How am I optimistic? Why do I look on the bright side?

I first learned that my feelings weren’t somehow inflicted on me by cruel, outside forces many years ago. I really wanted them to be. I really didn’t like the idea of being responsible for my feelings, or my attitude, or my behavior. I wanted that all to be out of my control. I kind of liked feeling like it was all your fault. I mean, if my bad feelings were your fault, then I didn’t really have to do anything about except complain and feel bad.

Feeling sorry for myself was something I got really good at. One of the old AA saws I really like, “Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.” It reminds me that we often use feeling sorry for ourselves as a REALLY GOOD REASON for all sorts of crummy behavior, from things that mostly just hurt us to things that can actually destroy our families, and communities.

I can’t feel competent and capable and strong when I am busy feeling sorry for myself. I don’t feel helpful or useful or kind when I am busy feeling sorry for myself, unless I am thinking how ungrateful you are. I don’t feel soft or open or light when I am feeling sorry for myself, self-pity is heavy and dark and dank, and often cruel.

What makes me feel light? How could I feel confident? Why am I optimistic? Why do I trust?

When I am ready to let my crappy feelings go, I can speed things up by changing my body posture while applying my good questions. Just for fun, think about someone who feels awful, you know, depressed, sorry for themselves, beat up by life. Put yourself in that posture: slumped shoulders, head hanging forward, deep frown. Notice how small your breath gets. What else do you notice about that posture?

Now think about someone who feels good, you know, sunny, cheerful, pleased with life. Sit upright and relaxed, shoulders kind of back and down, a crinkly-eyed, slightly open-mouth smile, big, deep breaths. Keep that posture going for a while and notice how much lighter you feel. That smile, when held for a minute or so, actually causes your system to release feel-good neuro-chemicals.

I hardly ever wake up on the nether side of the bed any more. I love that. I love that when I do, I can expect to feel good again in a couple hours at the outside. I love that when I do feel good, being responsible for my feelings is wonderful.

How have I changed from feeling sorry for myself to enjoying my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05052014

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Becoming an Appreciationist

I don’t think of myself as an optimist, someone who sees the glass half full. I am certainly not a pessimist who sees the glass half empty. I am an appreciationist who rejoices in having a glass. Not only can I drink from it, and share drink with you, but I can use my glass to hold ice cream, cut out biscuits, trace big circles onto things, and make polka dots, a place to root plants, a temporary place for bugs, stash my gold coins, well, you see what I’m getting at.

Lavish, luscious, sumptuous, opulent, plush.

The opposite of love, they say, is fear. It is also the opposite of trust, of positivity, maybe even of living. Fear devours our spirit little bite by little bite, and leaves us worried, anxious, guilty, angry, and sad. It grips us by the throat, roils our stomachs, squeezes our lungs, and steals our sleep.

We can unchoose it.

Why am I positive? Why can I trust? What makes me confident?

When I remember that I can change my feelings as easily as changing my socks, my life gets better. I can unchoose being annoyed. I can unchoose being scared or worried. I can unchoose feeling bad. I can do that because I am responsible for my thoughts, my emotions, my behavior.

I can choose to trust. I can choose to trust that I will find a solution, a resolution, a way out. I can choose to trust that there is a silver lining, and I can find it. I can choose to trust that I can change my ways. I can choose to trust that I can have all the support I need.

When I am feeling lost or scared, or lonely, or dark, or something like that, I can choose to remember than I am an appreciationist. I can find things that matter to me. I can find things I like. I can find things that I enjoy.

Here’s a little secret I will share with you.

When I am feeling kind of stuck, choosing gratitude can break that up pretty fast. Sometimes, for me, gratitude is easier to get to than relaxed, peaceful, or happy. Part of that is, for all my stuff, I own that my life is nice. I have seen enough to know that, even at its worst, my life still had things in it I could appreciate.

Why am I so positive? Why can I trust? What makes me confident?

I have made amazing progress in my life. I have worked through stuff, moved beyond stuff, overcome stuff. One of the most important reasons that I have been able to do that is because I found trustworthy teachers to trust. And then I trusted them, and did what they told me to do. Not one hundred percent, but way more than half.

When I have needed a teacher, a trustworthy teacher, one has always come along. Sometimes, twice, maybe, I’ve had a teacher who turned out not to be trustworthy, but the painful lesson brought me to a much better place. I trust that I am here to grow, to evolve, to really live a life of joy, and bliss, and connection, creativity, peace, satisfaction. I believe that you can have a life like that, too. Why can we choose to live our natural lives?

How have I changed from a glass half full or half empty to rejoicing in having a glass?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 04012014

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Finding Change

Finding Change

What are you looking at? In your mind, I mean. Are you looking at the past, with feelings of sorrow, shame, or regret, confusion, or the blues? Are you looking at the future with feelings of fear, or anger, anticipating the worst?

Maybe you are looking at what’s wrong with stuff; your kids, your partner, your job, your house, your appearance, your health, your finances. It seems like the list is endless. And I bet you feel terrible. Poor lil punkin.

Stop it right now. You heard me.

You deserve to feel good. You deserve to feel light and happy. You deserve to look at your whole life with a smile.

So how do you do that, when everything sucks?

I know it’s really irritating to hear this, but accept this one thing, and your life will start getting better right away. It’s like magic. This single change will start a chain reaction that will make your daily life easier, your relationships nicer, help you find meaning and purpose, satisfaction, and contentment.

All you have to do is change one thing: your mind.

Decide you are going to focus on the good stuff in your life. Decide you are going to stop living in the shame or guilt of the past, or the fear and worry of the future. Decide you are going to practice spending some time being present, being aware. Decide you are going to relax, let things flow, trust you have the resources, or access to the resources you need. Decide to stop looking for crap; crappy behavior, crappy events, crappy circumstances.

Why do I choose to look up? What makes me decide to see the positive? Why would I choose to be happy? Why do I change my attitude?

Now the amazing stuff happens. You will start noticing the tiny lights in the darkness of your life. You will see a little sweetness, a small kindness, a silver lining. You will remember why you love your loved ones. You will see the child in your face, and you can choose to love her or him all over again. Or maybe for the first time.

You will begin to see how things are right. You will start to feel like things go your way a bit more often, You may feel like your luck is improving.

Why do I change my mind?

We are infinite beings with incredibly powerful minds. When I choose to look at the world as a horrible place, I am denying myself, and the world, the miracle of my true self. When I change my mind, and choose to accept what I am, who I am, how I can be, and how my life can be, I being my journey of awareness. I start to spend more time living my natural life. It is easier for me to take care of me, and of you, and of the other things that matter to me.

Why am I so great?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12022013

Autumn Tears

Autumn Tears

It’s autumn here. The temperature is right around freezing, we’ve had a little snow, the leaves have fallen from the trees. I’ve watched my birdies get fatter and fatter at the feeder, and seen the squirrels burying like crazy. I love autumn.

At the same time, I get really sad in autumn, watching all the plants die off, or go into hibernation. But it’s a strange and curious sad, because it’s also just part of the cycle. So I feel sad without all the attendant stuff that I often have with that feeling.

For me, when I am feeling the other kind of sad, I can feel ripped off, like something has been taken from me. I often feel miserable in that grief. Sobs and tears and snot being wrenched out from me.

In this kind of autumn sorrow, I feel different, part of a cycle, like exhaling. I like this kind of sad. This kind of sad is enjoyable to me, and when I can remove the accreted crud, I have found I can feel it elsewhere, too.

Point is, having a positive mindset doesn’t mean I’m happy all the time. Having a positive mindset doesn’t mean I pretend I’m feeling up when I’m not. Having a positive mindset doesn’t mean I lie about what’s going on with me to make things see good when they aren’t.

It does mean I notice what I am feeling, and if it’s crap, I change it. Oh, yeah, it’s just that easy.

When I can, I remember that circumstances aren’t inherently good or bad, but only become so when I judge them. Yeah, that was a big one for me to get my head wrapped around, too. I still have to think about it from time to time.

Why would I choose to feel positive? How do I choose to exercise my judgment? What makes me choose to find the good?

How do I choose to exercise my judgment? What happens when I decide that event X is okay and not a crisis? What happens to me?

Sometimes, it feels okay because I realize I can handle it. Then, I get to save a lot of energy not freaking out about whatever the thing is.

Sometimes, it feels okay because I remember I can ask you for help. Then I get to save a lot of energy not worrying about whatever the thing is.

Sometimes, it feels okay because I know I’m already doing something about it. I get to stay peaceful.

Sometimes, it feels okay because it’s part of a cycle.

Sometimes, it just feels bad, and I have to get through it. Sometimes, I have to do that over and over again.

I can do that, and still have a positive outlook. And so can you.

How have I changed from thinking I’m stuck in the crap, to having a positive outlook?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 11252013