What to Do with the Wah-Wahs

What to Do with the Wah-Wahs

One of the things I love about my Creative Questions decks is that I often will pull a card that is absolutely what I don’t want to hear. Like when I wake up crabby and hateful, and I draw the “Why am I so positive?” card. It reminds me to choose.

When I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, it usually means I’ve had a bad dream. Usually I don’t remember my dreams, but I do recognize that I’ve had one when I wake up feeling off.

When I first notice it, I am just in it. After a while, I start to feel uncomfortable in it, and that’s usually when I remember I can change my feelings easily by changing my thoughts, my posture, and my facial expressions.

What is good in my life? How am I optimistic? Why do I look on the bright side?

I first learned that my feelings weren’t somehow inflicted on me by cruel, outside forces many years ago. I really wanted them to be. I really didn’t like the idea of being responsible for my feelings, or my attitude, or my behavior. I wanted that all to be out of my control. I kind of liked feeling like it was all your fault. I mean, if my bad feelings were your fault, then I didn’t really have to do anything about except complain and feel bad.

Feeling sorry for myself was something I got really good at. One of the old AA saws I really like, “Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.” It reminds me that we often use feeling sorry for ourselves as a REALLY GOOD REASON for all sorts of crummy behavior, from things that mostly just hurt us to things that can actually destroy our families, and communities.

I can’t feel competent and capable and strong when I am busy feeling sorry for myself. I don’t feel helpful or useful or kind when I am busy feeling sorry for myself, unless I am thinking how ungrateful you are. I don’t feel soft or open or light when I am feeling sorry for myself, self-pity is heavy and dark and dank, and often cruel.

What makes me feel light? How could I feel confident? Why am I optimistic? Why do I trust?

When I am ready to let my crappy feelings go, I can speed things up by changing my body posture while applying my good questions. Just for fun, think about someone who feels awful, you know, depressed, sorry for themselves, beat up by life. Put yourself in that posture: slumped shoulders, head hanging forward, deep frown. Notice how small your breath gets. What else do you notice about that posture?

Now think about someone who feels good, you know, sunny, cheerful, pleased with life. Sit upright and relaxed, shoulders kind of back and down, a crinkly-eyed, slightly open-mouth smile, big, deep breaths. Keep that posture going for a while and notice how much lighter you feel. That smile, when held for a minute or so, actually causes your system to release feel-good neuro-chemicals.

I hardly ever wake up on the nether side of the bed any more. I love that. I love that when I do, I can expect to feel good again in a couple hours at the outside. I love that when I do feel good, being responsible for my feelings is wonderful.

How have I changed from feeling sorry for myself to enjoying my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05052014

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