The Cake or the Crumbs

The Cake or the Crumbs

I had an interesting moment recently, when a friend pointed out that something I had asked for recently wasn’t very much. Throwback thought ensued.

Back when, I hoped for crumbs. I hoped people wouldn’t be mean. I hoped someone might remember my birthday. I hoped I might get a kind word, or some positive attention.

Because we are unique beings, each of us has our own mind map of how the world goes. Each of us has our own idea of what words mean, what gestures mean, what facial expressions mean. We tend to be drawn to people who interpret things more or less as we do, rather than people who look at things in a very different way. It’s one of the reasons that travel is so life-expanding; experiencing life in a very different context.

Looking at our expectations can be eye-opening.

What do I want? What do I expect? How am I satisfied? Why do I choose?

When we ask questions about things like expectations, desires, how the world goes, we are looking our beliefs straight in the eye. We get to use our powers of judgment to decide if these beliefs serve us well or poorly. We get to decide if they support us and our loved ones, or rip us off. Do they set us up for success or not?

When I couple crappy expectations with a bad attitude, my day is going to suck. So often we have a thing to do, and rehearse all the ways it can go wrong. We build up our expectations for things not to work out, so even if they do, we feel disappointed. We are so cute!

By rehearsing all the ways stuff can blow, we are setting ourselves up in a bunch of ways. We start to expect things to happen as they do in our ugly fantasies. Coping with negative stuff takes a lot more energy, so we feel wiped out physically and emotionally, we feeling like we deserve to indulge in our favorite soft addictions, and deserve to be in a bad mood, and inflict it on everyone.

Yikes.

Why could things work out? How would things go my way? Why would I choose to be happy?

If I am feeling really clear about what I want and I’m not getting it, chances are good that I have a bad belief in the way.

Okay, that’s the next piece of this little equation. Sometimes we get a limiting idea about ourselves, and identify with it, and color ourselves with that brush. We can find these by noticing when we say or think stuff like “I always, I never, I can’t, I don’t.” Notice variations on that. “People always treat me, nobody ever comes through for me.”

Sometimes, when we start noticing these beliefs, apply our good Creative Questions, we can change them in an instant. Sometimes, we will need to practice for a while, but it’s another way we will improve the quality of our life.

It takes a lot more energy to filter for crap than it does to filter for good.

How have I changed from expecting the worst to enjoying to best life offers?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05032014

Do you have a conflict between a want and a belief? What would be a good Creative Question to resolve that conflict?

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