Yakety Yak

Yakety Yak

What one thing will transform your relationships, realize your dreams, help you love yourself, and generally make your life better? Here’s a hint, Creative Questions is part of it.

Good communication skills are fundamental to your happy life.

How do I communicate effectively? Why do I know my mind? What makes me like people?

“I think.” “I feel.” “I want.” “When you say X, I feel Y.” “I hear you saying X. Is that right?”

When I am communicating well, I am using “I” statements. I’m taking responsibility for me, so I don’t say things like “You made me” or “You always, you never.”

When I am communicating well, I am not yelling. I am not saying shaming things, or blaming you, or fault finding. I ask questions, but I give you a chance to respond, I don’t hammer them at you.

When I am communicating well, I feel respectful, of both you and me. I hold my own space, regardless of your behavior. I notice, and take a moment if I need to, when you try to get me cranked up. When I am communicating well, I don’t try to crank you up.

When I am communicated poorly, I don’t use “I” statements. I don’t know what I want, or how I feel, and I won’t take the time to figure it out. I may even encourage you to push my buttons, so I can work up a good head of steam, and blow.

Most of the time, my communication skills are good.

Why do I say what I mean? Why do I mean what I say? Why do I want to communicate well?

As I practice thoughtful, compassionate, straightforward communication, the people who don’t like it often do one of several things. They may just kinda leave. But, they also may step up and join us in better communication. That is such a lovely thing.

How am I a leader? What makes me a role model? Why do I enjoy good attention?

For many of us, speaking to one person or many, can be scary. We fear being negatively judged. We fear being seen, we fear being ignored. As we grow up, we can more easily let go of that fear, and know that just the act of standing up will inspire someone else. The act of communicating well will inspire someone else. Good communication is an act of respect.

When I approach a conversation with the intent to communicate with you, that means I want you to understand me, and I want to understand you. I listen to you to hear you, not to formulate my clever response. Communication, then, is also a means to engage, to connect, to be intimate; things that will help us clean up our emo crap, things that will help us live our natural life, and come to love our amazing selves.

By choosing to communicate well, I am taking my well being seriously. I am making a commitment to be apart of something; a communication. I am choosing to step up, to step out and be seen. I am owning that I am good enough, that my opinion matters, that my ideas deserve to be heard.

How have I changed from hiding behind my words to communicating effectively?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05192014

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