Truth About Happiness

Truth About Happiness

I have been intrigued lately by how many articles I’m seeing that boldly declare that happiness is a bad goal. Or that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. So I figured this is a good time to talk about what I mean when I go on about happy.

Happy for me is feeling on purpose. It’s about feeling connected to you, engaged in my activities, enjoying what I am doing. Happy is about being aware, having mindful experiences, feeling like I make a contribution to the plus side of life. It’s the state of being that says. “I am living my life well.” I’m not talking about the emotional happy I get when I ace my exam, or see my loved ones after being gone, or am having big fun.

When I am happy, I am emotionally relaxed, I feel peace at my core, things are pretty easy. I am strong, competent, and capable. I am beautiful inside and out. I feel creative and inspired and motivated. I feel worthwhile.

So the word happy for me is shorthand for all of this. I have it all squished up into that one word.

Why am I happy? What makes me feel good? Why do I choose my natural life?

I am happy a lot, but I am not always happy. I have learned that when I am not feeling good, I am making some kind of bad choice. Sometimes I am in a bad thought loop, sometimes I am in a bad habit loop. Sometimes, I have a pile of unconscious material sloshing around and making trouble for me. However it goes, if I’m not feeling good, it’s my cue to take some time to look at where I’m at.

If I can identify the bad thought, I can change it, and feel better. If I can identify the bad habit, I can change that, and feel better. The unconscious material, which I often identify as “feeling crazy,” often means I need to either talk with a trustworthy person to bring it into the light, or sit by myself, in a place of deep trust, and the knowledge that I’ve already survived whatever might be down there giving me feelings.

By now, many of you know that my big bugaboo is going into victim mode. Chances are good that if I feel bad, part of me is thinking it’s your fault. If I don’t feel good, I take some time, and consider if I am blaming someone for how I feel. I consider how I’m feeling; angry, scared, sad. And then I own my feelings, own my attitude, ask some good Creative Questions, and feel better.

Sometimes it takes a while. It’s always worth the effort.

I think it’s interesting that, in general, spiritual leaders talk about happiness as a guide, and it’s the researchers who say that happiness is not that great, that striving for happiness makes us unhappy. They don’t get it.

I also think that the best grownups I’ve known tend not to flap. Stuff doesn’t seem to get to them. Even when they are being excited or passionate about stuff, they still exude an inner calm. They seem to experience bliss a lot. These are my role models.

I’m getting so much better at it. I think you are, too, and that’s about how brilliant you are, how you’ve come to respect yourself so much more, to trust your gut, to notice your thoughts, and to be sweet to your own, sweet self.

How have I changed from feeling frustrated to finding my own happiness?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05302014