You Are Not the Boss of Me!

You Are Not the Boss of Me!

Power is such a funny thing. We all have it, we each use it in our own way. Some of us own our power, keep ourselves separate from others’ shenanigans, and go on about our business. Some of us pretend to give our power away, and feeling like we have to do someone else’s bidding. Some of us pretend that we can take others’ power and get them to bend to our will.

Thing is, and I know this is kind of creepy, but you don’t have access to my power, only I do. I have to go through a bunch of mislearnings to learn to act as your proxy inside my head so you can seem to be the boss of me.

Sometimes I will act as your proxy to push me around from fear of you, or from fear learned a long time ago from one or more of my adults. Sometimes shame may be the impetus, or feeling like we have no resources. This feeling often comes with an icky, shrinky feeling, like we are less than.

Why am I strong? What makes me capable? How am I competent? Why do I trust?

Sometimes I will act like I have power over you. I will try to intimidate, or scare you, or manipulate you in some other way into doing what I want you to do. When you do, I may often feel better than.

Sometimes I am in a situation, like work, where someone is the boss of me, or I am the boss of someone. If I have less than or better than stuff going on, this can make for interesting dynamics we call power struggles, which tend to be high on drama and low on productive activities.

And then there is teamwork.

How am I a good team player? What makes me work toward our goals? Why do I enjoy cooperation?

When I a good team player, I know what our goals are. I know what my job is, and I know how we are working together. When we are a team, we work for our mutual support and that feels great. We get a sense of community. We get a sense of connectedness. We share a sense of purpose, and those things all contribute to a sense of personal well being.

When I am clear about my goals for us, and make sure that we understand each other, working together is much easier. When I am clear about what my expectations of your performance, and my performance are, we can take measure of where we are. Because we are communicating respectfully, we can ask for help or guidance if we need it, and can trust the answers we get.

That is the ideal. Doesn’t always work that way, but I can do my part to help bring it about. I can be clear in my communication. I can ask for help if I need it. I can be straight about my performance and accomplishment. And often, the others will follow suit. They will see that it is way easier. I like that.

How have I changed from pushing myself around to being a good team player?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05282014