How Do I Love Me?

How Do I Love Me?

Many of us go through phases of loving ourselves, and then loathing ourselves. The first one is nice and easy. The second one is awful, and a very convincing lie.

We go to self-loathing when we buy into bad PR about us. We tend to learn how to do this as little children. We may be hearing information from our loved ones about how bad we are, or   we may see our adults hating themselves, and learn that behavior by observation. However it goes, we are buying into a really bad mislearning.

We are not loathsome.

Self-hate is a lot like depression. Depression is amazing in that  it convinces us that we have always been depressed. Self-hate does the same kind of thing. It makes us think that when we haven’t hated ourselves we were wrong.

Dang.

I go there way less than I used to. And I tend to go there when I am not taking care of myself.

Why do I like me? What makes me good company? How am I my own best friend?

The self-loathing loop is insidious. Getting back to the start will help, but this is a loop that we have played so many times that it doesn’t need any help.  

I need to decide to change it, to make things better for me. I need to start noticing when I’m saying rotten things to myself. I often can’t hear these thoughts, so I need to go by the feeling. For me, it’s like my heart gets wrapped in smelly, wet, moldy towels. As soon as I catch that feeling starting, I start asking good Creative Questions.

Why am I valuable? What makes me deserving? Why do I like me?

Creative Questions work on our unconscious mind. When we find the right question for us at the time, we will often get a “tell,” that is, a physical response. Maybe a sudden intake of breath, or tears, or a tingle. Sometimes, I get a tightening of the muscles behind my ears. That’s a good question to practice with.

Sometimes I get a “no!” response inside. That let’s me know I’ve hit a belief. I can work around it by using the words “would” and “could.” Why could I like me? When we add those words in, we bypass the objection, and let the question get in where it will do some good.

When I want to punch up a good question like, Why do I like me? I can add the word “else.” Why else do I like me?

And have you noticed that Creative Questions are all in the present tense? Our unconscious mind isn’t very time-conscious, it’s pretty much all now for that part of us, so phrasing our questions in the present moment is another way to get them in deep.

Practicing our good questions will help loosen up those old, awful tapes so we can get rid of them.

How have I changed from not liking me to feeling proud of who I am?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05132014

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