Adding My Light

Adding My Light

What a difference you make. Just showing up. You have such an impact on so many people, do you even know that? I love to ask you from time to time just to remind you that you are being seen. People notice the little sweet things you do. even if they don’t say.

Did I tell you that one of the habits I have instilled in me is blurting out compliments?

I love doing that.

One reason I love to do it is that we all mostly like a spontaneous compliment. It’s fun to have a stranger say, “Cute shoes!” or “That was so kind of you” or “I saw you help that person.”

It has also put me on the look out for people doing nice things for each other, especially young people. I wonder if you notice those during your day.

I’m not even talking about normal things like holding the door for someone. It can be astonishing to see.

People taking a few minutes to have a conversation with the panhandler on the sidewalk.

People helping someone ladened down with heavy boxes.

People buying ahead in coffee shops.

People expressing appreciation for little things that people do, beyond a conventional thank you.

What are your favorite ways to help people?

I like to do what I like to have happen. So I will tuck quarters around the public hallways at my day job, since I think it’s fun to find money. Sometimes I even get to see a person spot one. The value of a quarter is considerable when it is found money.

I like to feel like my efforts are appreciated, so I like to voice my appreciation to the person, to their boss, and to write little thank you notes.

I like to ask questions of the clerks who wait on me, and then pay attention to their answers. So often, the job they are doing is a Clark Kent job, that their passion is music or acting or they are in business school.  

Sometimes they tell you a very tender personal thing, and then they get to have a stranger care.

Sometimes the stuff they tell me is kind of creepy.

Sometimes they ignore me. Oh, well.

Little interactions like this serve, among other things, to remind us that we live together. That we need each other, and can help make each other’s lives a little nicer or a little colder. That we each have our own ways of coping with the flow of life.

Little interactions with strangers we encounter in normal situations reminds us that we each are naturally important to each other for so many reasons. That a simple gesture of kindness or compassion can be a highpoint in someone’s day.

How have I changed from spewing negativity to bringing a little light to the world?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10262013

Wearing My Fancypants Out Loud

Wearing My Fancypants Out Loud

I am always fascinated by us. I mean, we are so very interesting. The Creative Questions card I drew this morning was, “Why am I a gift?” I had so many thoughts on the topic, it took me a little while to settle on one.

Why would I choose to accept me as I really am?

The phrasing is a little clunky, but the idea is there. We tend to way underestimate ourselves. We do that for a vast number of reasons, most of which we aren’t even aware of.

I’m not talking about about a full minute Superbowl commercial promoting our dazzling awesomeness, but I am talking about recognizing our gifts, our contributions, our value.

So often we deny our value, to ourselves, to each other, to the world in general. We learn that to own it is somehow bad. And so we hide our proverbial light under the proverbial bushel, where glimmers peak out, and we feel a bit ashamed of how wonderful we are, as though to simply and completely be ourselves is somehow shameful.

So we hold back. We think small. We take baby steps. And when things get a little bit bigger, sometimes we freak out. and throw our sabots into the machinery.

Or we get so big and poofy that no one can see the real we, either. Huge goals, huge dreams, but we hide our real selves deep in the nooks and crannies.

What a sad waste of us.

I had a thing about “hubris.” Like being myself meant I was being too much, or overstepping my bounds, or putting on my fancypants.

Well, it turns out that I like my fancypants, so I needed to find a way that I could wear ‘em and not be struck down by the wrath of the heavens.

As has been the case in the past for me, it took me a long time, and, frankly, It continues to be a topic for me.

One thing that has been really helpful for me is promoting you. I love to promote you, and as I do so, I feel more comfortable promoting me. I see how amazing you are, I feel more sanguine about looking right at me. Why am I valuable?

When I take a minute to tell you stuff I love about you, I see that smile of yours, and I feel good. I like it when people notice to me the stuff they love about me, too. And the fact that what we are doing is appreciating each other’s unique gifts, wonderful talents, special skills, kind heart, generous spirit, loving manner, and so on, well, that dumb bushel busts up a little each time we support each other to be our best selves.

Sometimes, I think that if all of us threw off that damn bushel, the light would burn for eternity.

How’s that for a fancypants metaphor?

How have I changed from hiding and denying to owning my own significance?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10022013

The Wonderful Surprise

The Wonderful Surprise

Do you have any idea what a difference you make? Do you have any idea what sort of an impact you have on the people around you?

Your contributions are uniquely yours, you know. The basic task may be one thing, but you bring something special to it, and we value that, even if we don’t say so.

Getting to know you is fun, too, because you’ve led an interesting life, you have interesting thoughts about things, and you are just fun to be around.

Do you know that? Do you appreciate those qualities in yourself? If you stop for a moment, and really look at yourself, do you see the wonderful gift you are? Do you see the contributions you make to the world?

Why do you enjoy and appreciate your own company?

So many of us don’t. We find ourselves saying awful things to ourselves, a constant thrum of negative emotional judgments on ourselves. We are often repeating horrible things we heard as children, not even directed at us, but things that seemed like they might apply. We may not even be aware that our internal dialog is so negative; sometimes it’s just out of our conscious awareness.

So we slow down a bit. We take some time to breathe, to relax, to notice the kind of trash talk we are ladling onto our own heads, and we turn it around. Maybe we take some time to think about stuff we like about ourselves. What makes me like me?

Sometimes, we pretend that we like ourselves. That takes it to another level. We need to notice that we are pretending, and then we can start to heal our relationship with ourselves.

Sometimes, we hate ourselves, and project that hatred out onto the world, perhaps onto our family, or our community, or some random group of people. And we blame them for our feelings.

As we grow up, we find ourselves more and more willing, even eager, to take responsibility for ourselves. As we grow up, we find ourselves feeling more respect for what we’ve overcome, for what we’ve changed, for what we’ve accomplished. This makes us feel more forgiving of ourselves, too, and by forgiving our own selves, we cease to blame the outside world for our errors.

This brings us to our natural life; a life of easy, serenity, satisfaction. A life we feel engaged in, a life we enjoy regardless of the circumstances we encounter. A grownup life.

I don’t live there all the time. I don’t know that anyone does. But I hold it in my heart, I remember to choose when I can, I remember that, when I feel bad I’m running old patterns and habits, and that I have the power to change. I remember that I like me, I like what I do, I like my choice in friends, I like how I am with my family, I like the freedom and joy I get being a grownup who is responsible for me and to you.

How have I changed from criticizing me to recognizing that I am a gift?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09092013

Giving a Rat’s Behind

Giving a Rat’s Behind

What matters to you? What do you care about? Where do you make a difference?

Life is challenging when we are indifferent. Life is challenging when we are self-absorbed. Weirdly, life is less challenging when we feel like we are making a contribution. I know it seems counter-intuitive, but, when I reach out, I take my attention away from the things that bring me down. At the very least, it’s a break.

We are the boss of our experience, not what happens to us, but what we experience. Remember? We get to choose how to respond to the circumstances we encounter.

One of the ways I choose to be a grown up, is to be an inspiration. What an exhilarating thing that is! If I choose to be an inspiration, I am choosing to respond, not to react. If I choose to be an inspiration, I am choosing to act for the good of you, or even of mankind. I choose to act with a rational heart, with a loving mind.

I see you being an inspiration all over the place. I see you being kind to strangers, and sweet to little animals. I see you treating your kids with respect. I see your relationships weather storms and grow stronger. I see the look when you place a loving hand. I see you pay it forward in the coffee shop.

You have taught me patience by example. You have taught me how to bring balance back into my life when it feels tippy. You have given me the gift of taking emotions out of money topics.

Your kindness and attention to what I had to say helped me heal my broken spirit. Your willingness and open-heartedness to give care to your broken loved ones opens my heart.

When I see your real work, I feel motivated to do my real work. Your art, your music, your craft,  your words, your movement; you make it look effortless, and that reminds me that doing what I love is effortless.

When I see you choose to be a grown up, to take care of yourself, to ask for what you need, I feel the courage I need to do the same. When I see you accept each moment as it comes, I know I can do that, too. When I see your gratitude and appreciation shining out from your eyes, I am filled with nice warm feelings, and I feel so honored to be your friend.

And now, here I am, doing what I can to inspire. I believe in what I write to you every day, and I endeavor to live it. I tell you my story to help you find your strength to overcome your story. I tell you what I think and what I believe in because this work has brought me up from the depths of misery, loneliness, and despair to place where I am happy and peaceful most of the time. Really and truly.

And now, here I am, asking you to continue to be your inspiring self, and maybe to up your game a bit. How do you move through your daily challenges with grace? How do you maintain a loving heart? What makes you value and nurture your own self? How do you reach out to me and others?

How have I changed from not giving a rat’s behind to choosing to make a difference for me and for you?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08232013