Magic Words

Magic Words

I love it when I find magic words, words that can change my environment both inside and out. Creative Questions seem like magic words to me, using Creative Questions changes things so quickly and easily.

One of my most favorite Creative Questions is “Why am I grateful?” When I ask this question, stuff happens, amazing and wonderful stuff.

“Why am I grateful?” is a direct line to our perfect self. It’s a brilliant manifestation of our grownup selves. It connects us with the outside world, brings up warm feelings about the people in our lives, helps us recognize the value of our possessions. Gratitude and appreciation are super efficient for building on our relationships.

When I feel grateful, I recognize that I live in luxury. The more I notice that, the more luxury I find. When I appreciate my loving friends, I feel more friendship, I feel closer, I have more intimacy. When I appreciate my wonderful body, I notice how she feels, and what she wants, with more clarity and compassion, and I treat her better.

When I am feeling upset about something; scared or mad or agitated; going to grateful is a nice pacifier, it will calm and soothe, a cooling balm on my spirit. Likewise, when I am having trouble sleeping, listing the things I am grateful for, the things I appreciate, that which I am thankful for, well, sleep comes more easily and I rest more deeply.

In ye olde Dark Ages, I waited for things to be grateful for. I thought gratitude came only with life-altering stuff, so when life-altering stuff showed up for me, I had no habit of gratitude. I was a thankless jerk with a habit of entitlement, a gross lack of appreciation, a thankless attitude. I was also miserable, depressed, full of self-loathing.

Once I started to grow up for real, I began to actively seek out things in my life so that I might begin to feel gratitude. Slowing down to really taste my morning coffee, to feel sunshine on my face, to stretch my muscles, to lift something heavy with ease. Noticing how I feel about you, really seeing you, appreciating you and your wonderful qualities. Appreciating how cool you are leads me to feeling grateful for your friendship, for all your kindnesses to me.

Writing a little thank you note in my own handwriting is another way I like to practice gratitude. I know I love to receives thank yous for the work I do, so I assume you do, too. I also like to write notes to people’s supervisors to let them know what a good job their employees are doing. And when I appreciate the customer servicer person on the other end of the phone I am always delighted at the quality of service they give to me. We both come out of the interaction feeling happy.

Practicing gratitude and appreciation each day has another benefit. Gratitude and appreciation are gateway feelings leading to the hardcore emotion, happiness. The more we practice feeling grateful and feeling appreciation, the shorter the hop to authentic happiness. By taking time each day to notice what we are grateful for, by slowing down our insides enough to appreciate our environment, our people, our services, our transport, our appliances, and so on, by feeling thankful for our jobs, our homes, delicious, wholesome food, lovely, useful clothing, and so on, we carve pathways into our brains that make it so easy to feel grateful, and from there to letting our happiness burble up from the heart of our natural life.

How have I changed from feeling entitled to nurturing my gratitude and appreciation?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09052013

Defying the Emo Zombies

Defying the Emo Zombies

Several of you have asked how I write these contemplations. It’s simple. I shuffle the Creative Questions card deck while I think about drawing the best card for us for today. Sometimes, a card or two just seem to hop out from the deck, and sometimes I pull one out. Then I think about it a bit, then I write to you on whatever the topic has brought to mind.

Today I pulled the “Why do I care?” card. I pulled it a few days ago, too. When I pull the same card repeatedly, I know there is an importance about it, and I wonder what that is.

I know a bunch of us are caregivers. We are diligent and loving in our gift of care, and, generally speaking, are happy to be helping. I know a bunch of us volunteer our time, or expertise, to help others. I know a bunch of us who work and take care of our families.

If I am feeling depressed, or grief-stricken, or otherwise self-absorbed, volunteering and caregiving are often very useful tools to help me shift away from those heart-sucking monsters.

Choosing to care is a powerful thing. It’s one of the many ways that I choose my experiences in life.

When I am stuck in worry, or anxiety, or grief, or depression, or fear, or anger, or denial, I have let that state of mind take me over, like alien mind-control, or maybe zombies. Here, I am choosing to abdicate responsibility for my own well-being in favor of letting something else run the show. Sometimes, it has seemed like a relief to me to let worry be in charge, or anger, or whatnot, but I really want to be a grownup.

Being a grownup means that I choose to take responsibility for myself. If I am being responsible for me, I am in charge of my experience, and so I will use Creative Questions, breathing, physical postures, or whatever, to shift away from the zombie me running the same horrible tapes over and over in my head about how awful things are.

Being a grownup means that I understand that if I think things are terrible, or I think things are great, I am right. The same way we all have 168 hours in a week, we all have stuff happen, circumstances change around on us, we experience terrible loss, or horrific illness or accidents. You know, stuff.

One of the analogies I like is the glass half empty or half full. I was a half empty gal for a long time, until I decided to be happy. Then I was a half full gal. Now I rejoice in having a glass. Sometimes my glass is full of cold, crisp water, refreshing, and hydrating and wonderful. Sometimes it’s full of lime-flavored Diet Coke, and it’s delicious, but maybe not much else good. Sometimes it’s full of pee, and that’s just nasty, so I can freak out that my glass is full of pee, or I can use it to felt wool, and soften my skin. No, seriously, pee is awesome for those things.

And that’s the trick. How do I find the awesome reason in the situation? Is there a potent life lesson to be had? Is there practice on a topic like patience, or transformation that I could use some help with? Is there another use for what’s going on that will provide me with felted slippers and fantastically soft skin?

If I think it’s awful or I think it’s great, I’m right.

How have I changed from letting the emo zombies run my life to taking responsibility for my own darn self?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08282013

Giving a Rat’s Behind

Giving a Rat’s Behind

What matters to you? What do you care about? Where do you make a difference?

Life is challenging when we are indifferent. Life is challenging when we are self-absorbed. Weirdly, life is less challenging when we feel like we are making a contribution. I know it seems counter-intuitive, but, when I reach out, I take my attention away from the things that bring me down. At the very least, it’s a break.

We are the boss of our experience, not what happens to us, but what we experience. Remember? We get to choose how to respond to the circumstances we encounter.

One of the ways I choose to be a grown up, is to be an inspiration. What an exhilarating thing that is! If I choose to be an inspiration, I am choosing to respond, not to react. If I choose to be an inspiration, I am choosing to act for the good of you, or even of mankind. I choose to act with a rational heart, with a loving mind.

I see you being an inspiration all over the place. I see you being kind to strangers, and sweet to little animals. I see you treating your kids with respect. I see your relationships weather storms and grow stronger. I see the look when you place a loving hand. I see you pay it forward in the coffee shop.

You have taught me patience by example. You have taught me how to bring balance back into my life when it feels tippy. You have given me the gift of taking emotions out of money topics.

Your kindness and attention to what I had to say helped me heal my broken spirit. Your willingness and open-heartedness to give care to your broken loved ones opens my heart.

When I see your real work, I feel motivated to do my real work. Your art, your music, your craft,  your words, your movement; you make it look effortless, and that reminds me that doing what I love is effortless.

When I see you choose to be a grown up, to take care of yourself, to ask for what you need, I feel the courage I need to do the same. When I see you accept each moment as it comes, I know I can do that, too. When I see your gratitude and appreciation shining out from your eyes, I am filled with nice warm feelings, and I feel so honored to be your friend.

And now, here I am, doing what I can to inspire. I believe in what I write to you every day, and I endeavor to live it. I tell you my story to help you find your strength to overcome your story. I tell you what I think and what I believe in because this work has brought me up from the depths of misery, loneliness, and despair to place where I am happy and peaceful most of the time. Really and truly.

And now, here I am, asking you to continue to be your inspiring self, and maybe to up your game a bit. How do you move through your daily challenges with grace? How do you maintain a loving heart? What makes you value and nurture your own self? How do you reach out to me and others?

How have I changed from not giving a rat’s behind to choosing to make a difference for me and for you?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08232013