Creating Playtime

Creating Playtime

I love to play. I love to play pretend. I love to play puzzle games. I love to make up stories, I love to play birdie with my cats and tickle toe with my snails. I love to run about, and goof around on swings and slides.

Play.

Carefree enjoyment. Lighthearted fun. Joyful activities.

My definition of play has changed a lot as I have become a grownup. Now I can find ways to play almost everywhere; from elevators to just driving my car, cleaning the house, writing to you. There is so much fun to be had, all I have to do is grab it.

My play this morning, for example, was to have easy fun at the DMV getting my license renewed, with fast service, and charming helpers. Never mind the awful picture, at least I’m smiling in it.

Then, when my car wouldn’t start in the parking lot, I thought that I could get pissed, sitting in the rain, or play. So I played. I made up stories about all the people in the parking lot, had fun with the AAA guy who had fun, too, and even said so, and shook my hand. Nice. Why do I choose to be happy?

The car had to be towed. What should show up, early, to tow me but the brightest pink tow truck you can imagine. The fellow was a little grumpy, but it fell away when I told him how much fun I was having watching him put my car on the flat bed. What makes me enjoy myself?

My day of running a few quick errands turned into walking only two, and it reminded me how much I love my neighborhood. It smells great. Wonderful autumn smells that shifted from flowery to spicy to lovely damp earth with raindrops the color of diamonds sparkling on the grass.

Life gave me the gift of slowing everything down, and because I’m paying attention these days, I got to enjoy the heck out of it.

Somehow, it seemed like everyone I encountered was cheery. Were they cheery to start with? I hope so, but it’s easy to respond with good cheer when you are greeted with good cheer.

How have I changed from being a negative pain in the patooty to enjoying whatever I can find to enjoy?

When we look at our world as a giant playground, stuff gets easier. We lighten up, get a bounce in our step, and see the good. We don’t let tension take hold of our spirits, and so we can let our spirits soar for the simplest reasons.

Sometimes we are confronted with great grief, or fearsome events, or physical traumas. These are the big lessons. If we allow our life to unfold as it unfolds, allowing our emotions to flow, and consider whether what we are feeling supports us or beats us down, we are taking responsibility for ourselves. When we choose to respond with clean emotions, free from blame or shame, free from guilt or anger, we create a space of peace. Everything moves through, until we latch on and worry it. It’s why we practice letting our thoughts flow during activities like meditation, pulling ourselves back from thinking a thought.

When our thoughts flow, we only have emotions, not the complicated mess our feelings can become. This practice helps us respond to the big stuff when it shows up.

How have I changed from resenting the events of my life to considering how I might play?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10052013

Wearing My Fancypants Out Loud

Wearing My Fancypants Out Loud

I am always fascinated by us. I mean, we are so very interesting. The Creative Questions card I drew this morning was, “Why am I a gift?” I had so many thoughts on the topic, it took me a little while to settle on one.

Why would I choose to accept me as I really am?

The phrasing is a little clunky, but the idea is there. We tend to way underestimate ourselves. We do that for a vast number of reasons, most of which we aren’t even aware of.

I’m not talking about about a full minute Superbowl commercial promoting our dazzling awesomeness, but I am talking about recognizing our gifts, our contributions, our value.

So often we deny our value, to ourselves, to each other, to the world in general. We learn that to own it is somehow bad. And so we hide our proverbial light under the proverbial bushel, where glimmers peak out, and we feel a bit ashamed of how wonderful we are, as though to simply and completely be ourselves is somehow shameful.

So we hold back. We think small. We take baby steps. And when things get a little bit bigger, sometimes we freak out. and throw our sabots into the machinery.

Or we get so big and poofy that no one can see the real we, either. Huge goals, huge dreams, but we hide our real selves deep in the nooks and crannies.

What a sad waste of us.

I had a thing about “hubris.” Like being myself meant I was being too much, or overstepping my bounds, or putting on my fancypants.

Well, it turns out that I like my fancypants, so I needed to find a way that I could wear ‘em and not be struck down by the wrath of the heavens.

As has been the case in the past for me, it took me a long time, and, frankly, It continues to be a topic for me.

One thing that has been really helpful for me is promoting you. I love to promote you, and as I do so, I feel more comfortable promoting me. I see how amazing you are, I feel more sanguine about looking right at me. Why am I valuable?

When I take a minute to tell you stuff I love about you, I see that smile of yours, and I feel good. I like it when people notice to me the stuff they love about me, too. And the fact that what we are doing is appreciating each other’s unique gifts, wonderful talents, special skills, kind heart, generous spirit, loving manner, and so on, well, that dumb bushel busts up a little each time we support each other to be our best selves.

Sometimes, I think that if all of us threw off that damn bushel, the light would burn for eternity.

How’s that for a fancypants metaphor?

How have I changed from hiding and denying to owning my own significance?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10022013

The Way of Right

The Way of Right

Don’t you just love being right? Me, too. There are, of course, different kinds of being right. There is being right about facts, or policies, or other things we can verify. There is being right, in line with our various community mores and ethics. Then, there is being right in our own self.

One of the things I love about my jobs is the interesting personalities I get to interact with, and seeing how changing my behavior makes a safe space for them to change theirs.

One fellow, known for shouting at his assistants on a regular basis almost never shouts at me, his newest assistant. I don’t engage. No one to shout with, so no more shouting. At the same time, he phases in and out of treating me, and others, like we are bad and wrong. We used to collectively get mad about it. That wasn’t fun, and the office would take days to settle down. Now we laugh about being “bad and wrong” and it’s become fun, and we mostly don’t even need to leave our “normal.” This change in my behavior allows me to be right, and he can be right, too, with no skin off my nose.

When I used to feel wrong all the time, it kind of put the kibosh on my confidence. I got all wrapped up in feeling wrong, and then felt all jumbly inside, so I made mistakes, and thought horrible things about myself. That, of course, got me thinking horrible things about you, because I couldn’t possibly be the reason for my screw ups. It made me search for ways that you screwed up, and I ended up seeing a lot of ugliness.

I have come to a place in my life where I believe that if, in order for me to be right, you have to suck, then I am wrong. If I believe that I have to bludgeon you to believe what I do, then I am wrong. If my beliefs make me scream, or feel crazy, or hateful, fearful or angry, I am wrong.

If my beliefs promote my natural life, peace, loving connection and engagement, creativity, health, prosperity, and joy, I am right. I also believe that if I live my life that way, and show up, you will want to join me. And don’t we have a good time!

One of the things I believe is that practicing awareness makes my life easier, nicer, and more fun. That means that I slow down a bit inside. Oh, I love that feeling. Slowing down a bit gives me some wiggle room for paying attention. Paying attention mean that I know where my keys are. And my wallet, and cell phone.

Slowing down a bit helps me get more done more accurately, so I think I am right: It’s a good thing to do.

I believe that, when we have hard stuff show up in our lives, we know what to do, even if we want to tell ourselves that we don’t know. When I know what to do I feel right. That’s a good thing.

I believe that remembering to relax throughout the day makes everything at least marginally better. The more I practice, the better I get. I used to have shoulders made of marble. Now they are made of meat. Much nicer. When I relax, I feel right. That’s a good thing.

How have I changed from looking for wrong, to being right?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09202013

Great Expectations

Great Expectations

One of the things I love about being a grownup is being able to feel satisfied in so many different ways.

Why is it so easy?

Well, for one thing, satisfaction is all about expectations, and whoo boy, do we have junk around expectations.

Open your mind to the possibility of a different way of handling our disappointed expectations, This can make a huge change in your level of happiness.

We have all sorts of ideas about how things are supposed to go, how people are supposed to act, what constitutes reasonable behavior. Those ideas are not universal.

The bottom line is this:  You don’t disappoint me, my expectations of you disappoint me. Just one more way I create my reality, if you see what I mean.

My expectations of you are based on my filters, my mislearning, my NEJ (negative, emotional judgment), my beliefs, and so on. My expectations are based on my personal fantasies about how the world works. Some of those are negative, and some of those are positive, but they are still fantasies.

This is also true of my expectations of me. On the one hand, I know that in this moment  I am perfect. I also know that sometimes I fall back into my old crappy habits, and disappoint my expectations. I can often find myself treating me really poorly as a punishment for that disappointment. It’s all just made up, and there I am feeling rotten about a made up story.

If I am frequently disappointed by others, I will benefit by looking at my expectations. I love it when I find ways to make my life nicer by correcting my stuff. Lord knows, I can’t correct yours!

One of the ways I make this course correction is to shift my expectations from you to “the universe” when I’m wanting things to get done. Once I started doing that, and asking Creative Questions about feeling so supported, I found that I could be supported in a whole bunch of unlikely ways, by people I never would have expected. How do I feel when I am fully supported?

One of the ways I make this course correction is to shift my idea of you into looser territory. Many years ago, I read something that stuck with me. I don’t know who said it, but it went something like, “we can’t behave out of character, only out of our idea of character.” So if I can find a way to allow you greater leeway in your thinking, in your behavior, I will be way less disappointed.

The other piece that will help me experience less disappointment is clear communication, but that’s for another time.

How have I changed from feeling so disappointed to feeling satisfied?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08262013