The Way of Right

The Way of Right

Don’t you just love being right? Me, too. There are, of course, different kinds of being right. There is being right about facts, or policies, or other things we can verify. There is being right, in line with our various community mores and ethics. Then, there is being right in our own self.

One of the things I love about my jobs is the interesting personalities I get to interact with, and seeing how changing my behavior makes a safe space for them to change theirs.

One fellow, known for shouting at his assistants on a regular basis almost never shouts at me, his newest assistant. I don’t engage. No one to shout with, so no more shouting. At the same time, he phases in and out of treating me, and others, like we are bad and wrong. We used to collectively get mad about it. That wasn’t fun, and the office would take days to settle down. Now we laugh about being “bad and wrong” and it’s become fun, and we mostly don’t even need to leave our “normal.” This change in my behavior allows me to be right, and he can be right, too, with no skin off my nose.

When I used to feel wrong all the time, it kind of put the kibosh on my confidence. I got all wrapped up in feeling wrong, and then felt all jumbly inside, so I made mistakes, and thought horrible things about myself. That, of course, got me thinking horrible things about you, because I couldn’t possibly be the reason for my screw ups. It made me search for ways that you screwed up, and I ended up seeing a lot of ugliness.

I have come to a place in my life where I believe that if, in order for me to be right, you have to suck, then I am wrong. If I believe that I have to bludgeon you to believe what I do, then I am wrong. If my beliefs make me scream, or feel crazy, or hateful, fearful or angry, I am wrong.

If my beliefs promote my natural life, peace, loving connection and engagement, creativity, health, prosperity, and joy, I am right. I also believe that if I live my life that way, and show up, you will want to join me. And don’t we have a good time!

One of the things I believe is that practicing awareness makes my life easier, nicer, and more fun. That means that I slow down a bit inside. Oh, I love that feeling. Slowing down a bit gives me some wiggle room for paying attention. Paying attention mean that I know where my keys are. And my wallet, and cell phone.

Slowing down a bit helps me get more done more accurately, so I think I am right: It’s a good thing to do.

I believe that, when we have hard stuff show up in our lives, we know what to do, even if we want to tell ourselves that we don’t know. When I know what to do I feel right. That’s a good thing.

I believe that remembering to relax throughout the day makes everything at least marginally better. The more I practice, the better I get. I used to have shoulders made of marble. Now they are made of meat. Much nicer. When I relax, I feel right. That’s a good thing.

How have I changed from looking for wrong, to being right?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09202013