I Tsked at the Task

I Tsked at the Task

When I am happy and engaged, doing work that seems to have a point to it, I strive to do a great job. I want to support our mutual  goals with my best work. That’s easy, I can do it with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. So to speak.

On the other hand, when I feel isolated, when I don’t know what the point of this tedious task is, when I don’t know what your goals are, doing my best work takes a different skill set. I need both eyes, and both hands.

Used to be that when I had a task giver like that, one who withheld information, who didn’t include me, I felt that I should do a half assed job as a kind of passive aggressive commentary on his, or her, behavior.

It’s the “bring me a rock” scenario, for one. “What kind of a rock?” “I’ll know it when I see it.”

So, in days gone by, I would have behaved poorly and felt both vindicated and ashamed.

Poor me, it was so challenging and unpleasant being a passive aggressive dork.

Curiously, I kept encountering task-givers who favored the :Bring me a Rock style of task-giving. Finally, I had to accept that this was a pattern of mine.

Dang it.

So then I had to ask myself what the heck was I doing to make this happen? What could I do to make it stop?

I will not always be working with people who are grown ups. We each have our own values, and while I highly value personal evolution, many others value other stuff more highly. Work, like money and sex, can be charged with weird behaviors. As a grown up, my job, should I decide to accept it, is to do my best, without engaging in bizarre circumstances.

My job is to stay clean and separate. I do not have to buy into someone else’s crazy behavior. I get to do the best I can at each task, irrespective of the interest it holds for me. That is to satisfy me. I get to find ways to make that happen when the task is potentially annoying or ennervating.

Why do I like what I do?

I do a lot of cut and paste type projects. Audio books have turned into a blessing for me. I can look forward to those tasks, and enjoy doing them now. For example.

Sometimes, I like to play pretend, and imagine I am someone else who likes to do the task at hand. I did that last night when I was doing a deep clean in my kitchen. “Lorelei” LOVES to clean. Oh, the satisfaction “she” felt seeing the shine come up. Oh, the satisfaction “she” felt as she put things away, threw things out, dusted things up. And I ended up with a sparkly kitchen.

The old saw, “A job worth doing is worth doing well.” used to just annoy me. So squaresville, daddy-o. But, for me, a task I bother to put my hand to is worth my best effort.

I maintain my awareness of the difference between striving for excellence and perfectionism. The former uplifts me, the latter grabs me by the throat and throws me to the ground.

How have I changed from hating the work to loving what I do?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09262013