Found: Wanting

Found: Wanting

I tell you a lot of stuff about me. I tell you so that you know that I know where you’ve been. Maybe not the deets, but the deets, as important as they are in the moment, are story. Struggle, fear, self-hate, loneliness, despair, these we have known.

The card I pulled this morning says, “Why am I wanted?” Oh, what a nice question, what a nice feeling, that feeling of being wanted. But, boy, can we get ourselves in trouble with it.

My best ways to suffer around feeling wanted were two-fold.

Fold one was not wanting to be around myself. That is such a nasty place. It’s based on a lie, in the first place, and in the second place, being annoyed with ourselves is no reason to stop speaking to ourselves.

Fold two was wanting to be wanted by someone who didn’t. Heartache!

We can’t help who we fall in love with, but we can choose what we are going to think on.

From time to time, many of us have found ourselves in a relationship that doesn’t support us in being our best self. Perhaps the other person is in a relationship with someone else. Perhaps we are neglected, or put down, or even physically harmed.

And we stay. And we tell ourselves that we are staying because we love the person who is being cruel, or because we think no one else will love us, or we think it’s better for the kids. We get the idea that if we do something, we will change their behavior. Maybe not so much.

I’m not saying that I’ve never seen some spectacular transformations in relationships. I am saying that you both need to want things to be different, and to be willing to do something about it.

This is a big fat go-get-help thing.

Meanwhile, start asking yourself some good Creative Questions, “Why am I wanted” What makes me feel desired? How am I included?” and notice your responses, if you can. Remember that you don’t need to get a conscious answer to a Creative Question for it to have a wonderful effect on you.

Spend some time noticing where you are included. One of my tricks was to stand back, and then get pissed at not being included. Yeah, neat trick. If I want more support, I have to allow it to come into my life. I also need to allow it to come to me in ways other than what I might think is the “right” way.

Let people who are trustworthy know what is going on. Listen to what they say, heed their advice.

Remember that we tend to stay stuck in icky situations because they are familiar. Not comfortable, Not wholesome. Familiar. It is a terrible reason to put up with rotten circumstances.

You are worth so much more. Why are you loveable? Why would people like you? Why do you deserve a nice life?

How have I changed from feeling isolated to knowing I am wanted?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09222013