Dispelling Soft Addictions
The choice card came up this morning. It seemed like a good time to talk about soft addictions. You know the ones, the apparently harmless little activities that suck up your time, your energy, and leave you feeling strangely dissatisfied at the end of the day.
TV, Internet, and video games are awesome soft addictions. We can fall into them and suddenly, it’s time for bed, and where the heck did the evening go?
But then, we also have shopping, glamorizing, car tinkering and washing, puzzles, exercising, and so on. Lots of choices. Each of us most likely has a bunch of favorites.
Well, I know I do. There are things I do that leave me feeling accomplished, and then there are the things that don’t.
For example, when I read a book, I feel accomplished, almost regardless of the topic. I think, “Well, good for me! I finished that book.” On the other hand, when I spend the evening watching TV, I don’t say, “Good for me! I spent three hours watching TV.” Instead, I may feel a tad guilty for doing that instead of doing blah blah blah.
A soft addiction is very different on the inside of me from a hobby. When I am knitting I feel productive. When I am playing solitaire, I don’t. When I spend time with my pets I feel satisfied. An hour of web surfing may feel satisfying or productive, three hours doesn’t.
Now, I think we need to have some non-productive time. I think it’s good for us in doses. We need to keep it in balance; we don’t have a cake for dinner and a pork chop and green bean tartlet for dessert. Keeping our awareness of what we are doing will help. It is all about choice.
So here’s the thing. I can’t tell you what wastes your time, only you know what it is for you. For me, solitaire on my phone is a seductive time sucker with it’s sporadic gratifications, but for you, it could be productive time. You might be in a tournament, or have a social group you connect with through solitaire.
For me, putting the TV on before 10:30 at night is a time waster. I tell me I am relaxing, but I’m not, I’m vacating, or worse, avoiding or procrastinating. Reading for a couple hours feels productive and relaxing.
When I have been ill or recovering from something, some of my soft addiction behaviors have been useful to distract me from the intense sensations in my physical body. Then, they are productive behaviors, not time wasters.
The only way I can tell the difference is to notice how I feel inside. That means I have to choose to be aware of me. Sometimes that’s scary. Maybe I don’t want to notice that the evening is stretching out ahead, a barren wasteland, until bedtime. This is when I need to choose. Will I go to a favorite time waster? Or will I go something else so I go to bed satisfied?
Perhaps I could go for a walk, I could spend 15 minutes on a task or chore, or visit an elder, or volunteer somewhere. When I am stuck in me, helping you helps me a lot. There are tons of places that would be thrilled to have your help. In fact, just researching that online could help the evening feel productive.
I have to choose. I have to choose what I’m going to do, how I’m going to spend my time. I can’t ever really abdicate my choice, it’s all choice. How do I want to feel at the end of my day?
Owning that I have to choose puts me in control, of my behavior, of my thoughts, and that’s a powerful place to be.
How have I changed from frittering away my time to spending it by my choice?
(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09142013
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