A Glamorous and Esoteric Practice

A Glamorous and Esoteric Practice

Many years ago, a coworker said something to me about being mindful, a term I had never heard before. It sounded very glamorous and important to my ears, and I asked her what she meant. I thought it would be some sort of esoteric activity brought about by hours of secret initiate-meditation.

Turned out it just meant paying attention, which she really needed to do. She was always forgetting stuff, running into things, hurting herself. I felt smug because I was a little less so, but, jeez, how was a girl supposed to pay attention to all that outside stuff when there was so much going on inside?

I pretty much lived in my head. Worrying, fretting, fantasies about the horrible things that could happen. Making wishes, have conversations with people that seemed inevitably to turn into arguments. Conjugating verbs in Ancient Greek or Latin. Sometimes I would be rearranging furniture in my mind. Or washing the car. Or designing a knitting pattern,or working in pastels,  but I was up there all the time noodling around with something until *OW!* Stupid real life would so intrude.

I was living the John Lennon quote: Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

So I started trying to pay attention, and boyoboy, was that interesting. Seemed like my thought world was really sticky, and getting my attention on what I was doing was super challenging.

Why am I aware? What makes me stay present? How do I enjoy experiencing my life?

I found that if I chanted what I was doing, quietly, under my breath so I didn’t sound like a total nut job, I could focus a bit more, a tad longer. “Vacuuming vacuuming vacuuming. Cut and paste, cut and paste, cut and paste.” For example.

I found that if I could pay attention to what I was doing, I actually enjoyed doing it, or at the very least, it was more satisfying.

I found that if I could pay attention to what I was doing, I knew where my keys were, I didn’t miss the last step, or walk into door frames. I didn’t pour coffee on my cereal.

Why am I in the moment? What makes me feel alive? How am I fresh and awake?

I also learned something really interesting to me. There is a huge difference between living in the moment and living for the moment. In the moment, I am aware of what I am doing, where my body is, how it is feeling, how I am feeling, what I am thinking, where I am located, who is around me, and so on.

When I am living for the moment, I tend not to be aware. I tend to be engaged in activities that take me out of the now. These behaviors can also be hard addictions. These behaviors can also be soft addictions like video games, or TV, glamorizing, computer time. For some of us, cleaning can be a soft addiction, and so can exercise or even meditation. Food, sex, smoking, talking on the phone for extended periods of time, well, you see what I’m getting at. I indulge in these things to take me away from something. I might find I have better choices if I stop and think about it.

How have I changed from being oblivious to experiencing all of my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05222014

Do you have a favorite soft addiction? Mine is video games. I can fall in for hours, and only be vaguely aware of time passing. I'm getting better and putting down the device.

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Creative Genius

Creative Genius

I’m always curious when people say that they aren’t creative. I always wonder what they mean. If we are human, without catastrophic brain issues, we are creative. It’s hardwired in.

We need creativity to speak. We need creativity to problem solve. We need creativity to decide what we are going to do, or going to eat, or going to anything. Deciding what we are going to do means imagining the future, and that means creativity.

Worrying is another wildly creative activity, if you see what I mean. Coming up with those awful scenarios takes a fertile mind.

Me, I would rather spend my creative energy coming up with how good things can be, how fun, how delightful or charming or magical.

Why am I so creative? Why do I use my powers for good? What makes me innovative?

As with any of our super powers, we have to cultivate the use of them, practice using them for good, since our inclination is to use them for ill.

What’s that you say, “Use them for ill?”

Oh, yeah. We have a lot of super powers; creativity, choice, decision, goal-setting, habit-forming; the list goes on, and each of those can be used to make our lives waay better, or much, much worse.

From time to time, I notice myself imagining confrontations with people. So-an-so will say this horrible thing, and I will say that, and then it will go on... And now, I am feeling tight in my stomach, like I’m actually in the situation. Because our subconscious doesn’t get the difference between real and imaginary. Hence the phrase, sick with worry. We don’t have one for sick with anger, or sick with fear, but we can do it all the same.

We will also start planning going to a substance or activity we indulge in when we want to escape from our emotional discomfort. We will imagine settling in with it, how good that first hit of whatever will be, be it a snort of something, or the little noises of our video game, or the first hits of our feet on the treadmill mat.  Anticipating that first hit, and then the numbing out is a big part of the kind of ugly pleasure.

In both situations, as soon as I catch myself making that plan, I use my creativity super power to change my thoughts. I go to peaceful and relaxed. Sometimes I can get there quickly, sometimes, it takes longer, but it always pays off.

Why am I peaceful? What makes me feel relaxed? How am I serene?

Creating that peaceful place inside, I am less inclined to have imaginary arguments with you, to put words or intentions in your mouth, to ascribe you with horrible attributes. Creating that peaceful place inside, I am less interested in retreating from my life into my soft, or hard, addictions.

How have I changed from ignoring my creative superpowers to using them for good?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 04132014

How are you creative? Do you use your creativity for good? How do you feel when you are creative?

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Food and Sex

Food and Sex

Two cards fell out from the Creative Questions deck this morning; Why am I sexual? and Why am I nourished? Food and Sex! Creative Questions can be so fun!

Except when they aren’t.

These are some big whammy cards for a lot of people. Matters of control and power get snarled up in both of these, often when we are pretty young, so that we don’t even remember what happened.

How do I enjoy my sexuality? Why do I enjoy feasting? What makes me innocent?

Things happen to us when we are small, some of them are traumatic. Sometimes, they are things  that are benign, but we misunderstand. Sometimes, they are done with our best interest at heart, but we are hurt or damaged by them. Sometimes they are simply bad things.

Then we grow up.

Once we are adults, we have a lot of choices to make.

I get to choose the quality of my life. I get to choose my world view. I get to choose whether I will spend my life reacting to things that happened in the mists of my time, or dump them, and respond to my life’s unfolding.

Sex and food. Drugs, liquor, work, video games, exercise, cleaning, meditation, TV, glamorizing, reading. The list is way more extensive, you may have different ones on your list. These are often referred to as soft addictions. These are things that suck up our time, helping us avoid making the choices that will bring us the life we want.

“Wait a minute!” I hear some of you say, “There are some good things on that list.”

Aren’t we supposed to exercise? Aren’t we supposed to meditate? Aren’t we suppose to clean, and read? All these things are good, when we use them lightly. When we use them to escape, when we use them for relief, when we go to them because we feel empty or scared or some other feeling we don’t like, then we are in soft addiction mode.

“Wait a minute!” I hear some of you say, “Isn’t relief a good thing, too?”

Relief is tricky. There is the relief we feel when the other shoe drops. There is the relief we feel when the check comes in the mail. There is the relief we feel when we remember that feeling bad is a habit based on negative thinking.

Then there is the relief we feel when the buzz starts.

So the question becomes this: Does this feeling of relief move me forward or hold me back?

When I choose to be a grownup, I choose to take responsibility for my well being. One of the ways I do that is to consciously choose how to spend my time.

Why could I enjoy my sexuality? Why could I transmute all I eat to nourishment?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 11042013

Dispelling Soft Addictions

Dispelling Soft Addictions

The choice card came up this morning. It seemed like a good time to talk about soft addictions. You know the ones, the apparently harmless little activities that suck up your time, your energy, and leave you feeling strangely dissatisfied at the end of the day.

TV, Internet, and video games are awesome soft addictions. We can fall into them and suddenly, it’s time for bed, and where the heck did the evening go?

But then, we also have shopping, glamorizing, car tinkering and washing, puzzles, exercising, and so on. Lots of choices. Each of us most likely has a bunch of favorites.

Well, I know I do.  There are things I do that leave me feeling accomplished, and then there are the things that don’t.

For example, when I read a book, I feel accomplished, almost regardless of the topic. I think, “Well, good for me! I finished that book.” On the other hand, when I spend the evening watching TV, I don’t say, “Good for me! I spent three hours watching TV.” Instead, I may feel a tad guilty for doing that instead of doing blah blah blah.

A soft addiction is very different on the inside of me from a hobby. When I am knitting I feel productive. When I am playing solitaire, I don’t. When I spend time with my pets I feel satisfied. An hour of web surfing may feel satisfying or productive, three hours doesn’t.

Now, I think we need to have some non-productive time. I think it’s good for us in doses. We need to keep it in balance; we don’t have a cake for dinner and a pork chop and green bean tartlet for dessert. Keeping our awareness of what we are doing will help. It is all about choice.

So here’s the thing. I can’t tell you what wastes your time, only you know what it is for you. For me, solitaire on my phone is a seductive time sucker with it’s sporadic gratifications, but for you, it could be productive time. You might be in a tournament, or have a social group you connect with through solitaire.

For me, putting the TV on before 10:30 at night is a time waster. I tell me I am relaxing, but I’m not, I’m vacating, or worse, avoiding or procrastinating. Reading for a couple hours feels productive and relaxing.

When I have been ill or recovering from something, some of my soft addiction behaviors  have been useful to distract me from the intense sensations in my physical body. Then, they are productive behaviors, not time wasters.

The only way I can tell the difference is to notice how I feel inside. That means I have to choose to be aware of me. Sometimes that’s scary. Maybe I don’t want to notice that the evening is stretching out ahead, a barren wasteland, until bedtime. This is when I need to choose. Will I go to a favorite time waster? Or will I go something else so I go to bed satisfied?

Perhaps I could go for a walk, I could spend 15 minutes on a task or chore, or visit an elder, or volunteer somewhere. When I am stuck in me, helping you helps me a lot. There are tons of places that would be thrilled to have your help. In fact, just researching that online could help the evening feel productive.

I have to choose. I have to choose what I’m going to do, how I’m going to spend my time. I can’t ever really abdicate my choice, it’s all choice. How do I want to feel at the end of my day?

Owning that I have to choose puts me in control, of my behavior, of my thoughts, and that’s a powerful place to be.

How have I changed from frittering away my time to spending it by my choice?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09142013