A Glamorous and Esoteric Practice

A Glamorous and Esoteric Practice

Many years ago, a coworker said something to me about being mindful, a term I had never heard before. It sounded very glamorous and important to my ears, and I asked her what she meant. I thought it would be some sort of esoteric activity brought about by hours of secret initiate-meditation.

Turned out it just meant paying attention, which she really needed to do. She was always forgetting stuff, running into things, hurting herself. I felt smug because I was a little less so, but, jeez, how was a girl supposed to pay attention to all that outside stuff when there was so much going on inside?

I pretty much lived in my head. Worrying, fretting, fantasies about the horrible things that could happen. Making wishes, have conversations with people that seemed inevitably to turn into arguments. Conjugating verbs in Ancient Greek or Latin. Sometimes I would be rearranging furniture in my mind. Or washing the car. Or designing a knitting pattern,or working in pastels,  but I was up there all the time noodling around with something until *OW!* Stupid real life would so intrude.

I was living the John Lennon quote: Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

So I started trying to pay attention, and boyoboy, was that interesting. Seemed like my thought world was really sticky, and getting my attention on what I was doing was super challenging.

Why am I aware? What makes me stay present? How do I enjoy experiencing my life?

I found that if I chanted what I was doing, quietly, under my breath so I didn’t sound like a total nut job, I could focus a bit more, a tad longer. “Vacuuming vacuuming vacuuming. Cut and paste, cut and paste, cut and paste.” For example.

I found that if I could pay attention to what I was doing, I actually enjoyed doing it, or at the very least, it was more satisfying.

I found that if I could pay attention to what I was doing, I knew where my keys were, I didn’t miss the last step, or walk into door frames. I didn’t pour coffee on my cereal.

Why am I in the moment? What makes me feel alive? How am I fresh and awake?

I also learned something really interesting to me. There is a huge difference between living in the moment and living for the moment. In the moment, I am aware of what I am doing, where my body is, how it is feeling, how I am feeling, what I am thinking, where I am located, who is around me, and so on.

When I am living for the moment, I tend not to be aware. I tend to be engaged in activities that take me out of the now. These behaviors can also be hard addictions. These behaviors can also be soft addictions like video games, or TV, glamorizing, computer time. For some of us, cleaning can be a soft addiction, and so can exercise or even meditation. Food, sex, smoking, talking on the phone for extended periods of time, well, you see what I’m getting at. I indulge in these things to take me away from something. I might find I have better choices if I stop and think about it.

How have I changed from being oblivious to experiencing all of my life?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 05222014

Do you have a favorite soft addiction? Mine is video games. I can fall in for hours, and only be vaguely aware of time passing. I'm getting better and putting down the device.

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The Stillness of Flow

The Stillness of Flow

Do you ever ask yourself, “Why does she go on and on about being present and aware”? Do you ever wonder what the heck I’m talking about when I talk about stillness? Or feeling peaceful?

It’s all about the insides, baby!

My overarching goal is to be present, aware, and basically living my natural life most of the time. Simple. Why am I peaceful? Why do I flow with life? What makes it all so easy?

When I am feeling sad, or scared, or pissed off, I am not present; I am saying “no” to my life. These emotions are all about resisting what is. I am  sad that I lost something I wanted to keep, or gained something I didn’t, fear and anger are also about that; the world not being the way I think it should be. If this is where I am coming from, it will be an endless, unhappy battle I will lose over and over.

When I choose to be present in my life, to allow the flow, I can let things be as they are. I stop fighting what is.

Now, I have some energy. Now, I have some clarity. Now, I am choosing my natural life.

Why am I peaceful? Why am I relaxed? Why am I in harmony with my life?

In this moment, my life is perfect. In this moment, I am perfect. In this moment, I can relax.

There is a huge difference between living in the moment, and for the moment. For the moment tends to be the result of not-so-good choices that can often leave us feeling sick, or heartsick, angry, uncomfortable, apologetic, well, I know you never do this stuff, but, sadly, I still do.

And then I remember that peaceful is always a few thoughts away. Isn’t that amazing? I can be in such a funk, remember to choose peaceful, and often minutes later, I can be back to feeling like my own sweet self.

And I have reconnected with the stillness at my core. And here’s what that does, that connection. It makes me notice that at any given moment, I am doing one thing. I may have ten windows open on my computer, all wanting some kind of attention, but in this moment, all I can do is one thing. Given how much I get done in a day, that is a very nice, comforting thought, one that can send me right to peaceful, still.

When I think of the word stillness, I tend to think of a forest for some reason. Now a forest is a hugely active place. Trees may look like they are just hanging out, but there is a lot happening like making oxygen and circulating sap. There is rotten vegetation full of happy microbes chomping away at stuff, and then the larger life forms all busy doing what they do. Being present in all that, being present in our lives, experiencing the stillness, isn’t about shutting ourselves away in a sensory deprivation tank, but rather about choosing to be present in the middle of our cuckoo lives, flowing with what is, unchoosing our resistance, recognizing that we do one thing at a moment, and so we can do that one thing as best we can, we choose excellence, we choose harmony, we choose accord.

How have I changed from fighting it all to relaxing into the stillness of flow?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 04302014

Why am I relaxed? How do I choose to be present? What makes me feel harmonious?

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