Creating Playtime

Creating Playtime

I love to play. I love to play pretend. I love to play puzzle games. I love to make up stories, I love to play birdie with my cats and tickle toe with my snails. I love to run about, and goof around on swings and slides.

Play.

Carefree enjoyment. Lighthearted fun. Joyful activities.

My definition of play has changed a lot as I have become a grownup. Now I can find ways to play almost everywhere; from elevators to just driving my car, cleaning the house, writing to you. There is so much fun to be had, all I have to do is grab it.

My play this morning, for example, was to have easy fun at the DMV getting my license renewed, with fast service, and charming helpers. Never mind the awful picture, at least I’m smiling in it.

Then, when my car wouldn’t start in the parking lot, I thought that I could get pissed, sitting in the rain, or play. So I played. I made up stories about all the people in the parking lot, had fun with the AAA guy who had fun, too, and even said so, and shook my hand. Nice. Why do I choose to be happy?

The car had to be towed. What should show up, early, to tow me but the brightest pink tow truck you can imagine. The fellow was a little grumpy, but it fell away when I told him how much fun I was having watching him put my car on the flat bed. What makes me enjoy myself?

My day of running a few quick errands turned into walking only two, and it reminded me how much I love my neighborhood. It smells great. Wonderful autumn smells that shifted from flowery to spicy to lovely damp earth with raindrops the color of diamonds sparkling on the grass.

Life gave me the gift of slowing everything down, and because I’m paying attention these days, I got to enjoy the heck out of it.

Somehow, it seemed like everyone I encountered was cheery. Were they cheery to start with? I hope so, but it’s easy to respond with good cheer when you are greeted with good cheer.

How have I changed from being a negative pain in the patooty to enjoying whatever I can find to enjoy?

When we look at our world as a giant playground, stuff gets easier. We lighten up, get a bounce in our step, and see the good. We don’t let tension take hold of our spirits, and so we can let our spirits soar for the simplest reasons.

Sometimes we are confronted with great grief, or fearsome events, or physical traumas. These are the big lessons. If we allow our life to unfold as it unfolds, allowing our emotions to flow, and consider whether what we are feeling supports us or beats us down, we are taking responsibility for ourselves. When we choose to respond with clean emotions, free from blame or shame, free from guilt or anger, we create a space of peace. Everything moves through, until we latch on and worry it. It’s why we practice letting our thoughts flow during activities like meditation, pulling ourselves back from thinking a thought.

When our thoughts flow, we only have emotions, not the complicated mess our feelings can become. This practice helps us respond to the big stuff when it shows up.

How have I changed from resenting the events of my life to considering how I might play?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 10052013

The Boss of Me

The Boss of Me

Somedays I feel like the only reason folks want me around is for what I can do to make their lives nicer. I know, even your goofy, giggly philosopher guru has her moments. I also know that, when I am feeling that way, I have fallen into an old habit, an old thought rut, and that I can get out of it quickly and easily, and the more I do that, the easier it gets.

When I feel like that, I think of it as the Drudge Syndrome, I know I have some regrouping to do, because, in addition to being a drama queen, I was also a martyr, oh, yeah, and a victim.

The moment I really got it was while complaining to a beloved houseguest. I was going on about how he didn’t help me, and suddenly noticed that I was standing in the doorway with my arms outstretched in a classic crucifix posture. It totally cracked me up.

When I am a drama queen, I allow and encourage my feelings to escalate and cascade until I am a screaming harridan, or sobbing snotty mess and nothing was EVER this bad. When I am a victim, I feel set upon, I feel hopeless and powerless and scared, and nothing will EVER get me out of it. When I am a martyr, I feel superior, I feel isolated, I often feel angry and resentful, and nothing you do will EVER be good enough.

Yuck-a-roni.

You know how much better my life is now. I had to make it better or die. Seriously. I had to decide, and commit. I had to let go of my drama queen, and yes, she left kicking and screaming and scrabbling at my ankle. I had to cast out my victim, who wondered what on earth would become of her, and I had to evict my martyr, who said, “You’ll never survive without me!”

I have no words for how much I prefer living without those roommates.

The other one is also really common, she’s the “unwanted one.” Not as catchy a moniker, but then she wouldn’t have a flashy name, would she. She’s the one who only gets to hang around with us because she treats, or she drives, or she has a pool, or something like that. As far as she is concerned, no one would have her around if it weren’t for X.

Sigh.

She never quite includes herself, and, even though we include her, she always hangs back, she never joins in.

How do I feel when I feel wanted? Why do I feel welcome? What makes me included?

When I choose to be a part of my community, everything shifts. When I decide that I am welcome wherever I go, people are happy to see me. No, really. It’s freaky. When I choose to be on your side, stuff goes so much better. You can try to include me until your eyes cross and your lips turn blue, but until I decide to include me, I’m on the outside.

Over and over, it seems like I am the one who is responsible for my happiness. May as well just suck it up, and get happy.

How have I changed from feeling like it’s all your fault to knowing I am the boss of me?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 08302013