Choosing the Choose

Choosing the Choose

I pulled the ¨Why do I choose?¨ card this morning. I just pulled it recently, so I tucked it back into the deck and tried again, and got it again, and a third time! I know when I’m licked, so here we go!

This is my favorite card, my favorite Creative Question. I think that it is the beginning of a most amazing, dynamic, powerful life.

When I decide to start consciously choosing, a lot of good stuff happens. I start paying attention to what I am doing. Wow. Just that single choice can make a world of difference in my life. As I pay attention to what I’m doing, I start to notice what I am thinking. Isn’t that interesting! Wow! As I start to pay attention to my thoughts, I begin to bring up my unconscious thoughts. That is amazing. Now I have the opportunity to make some compelling changes in my thinking, in my ideas about stuff, in my beliefs. Wow!

Why can I choose? What makes me decide? Why would I pay attention? How do I know I can change?

When I decide to choose, I am choosing freedom. I am choosing to own my own power, choosing to respect myself. When I decide to choose, I am deciding what I want rather than being buffeting by whatever is coming along.

When I decide to choose, I decide what I want. Knowing what I want makes life so much easier. How do I like to spend my time? Who do I like to spend time with? What do I enjoy? How do I want to live? How do I feel productive? What do I want to achieve? Where is my passion? What do I want to learn? What kind of an example do I wish to be?

As I practice choosing, I find more and more things are actually in my control. Wow. So many of us feel powerless deep inside, and so act in controlling ways to the people in our lives as though that will give us a sense of power where we need it. It never does, so we get more and more rigid, more demanding, more damaging to our relationships.

As I practice choosing, I notice my behavior more, I notice how my behavior impacts the people around me. And I find that I can choose to change my behavior. That’s power. When I cease to feel like my behavior is ¨just the way I am¨ and realize that it is the result of my thoughts and beliefs, I can choose to change those thoughts and beliefs to ones that are aligned with what I want, what I choose.

How am I powerful? What makes me strong? How do I know I am competent? How do I know I am capable?

When I decide to choose, I may find that I want to choose a teacher to help facilitate my transitions. It has been my experience that often just the act of deciding I want a good teacher will bring that teacher to my awareness.

When I find my good teacher, I do what they tell me to the best of my ability. I have had a lot of trust issues, and learning to trust a good teacher was a wonderful way to start choosing trust.

How have I changed from feeling I can’t decide to enjoying the freedom to choose?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 08302015

Power and Intimacy

Power and Intimacy

One of the lovely things about being a person is our ability to love and be loved, to care about someone, and let them care about us. To help, and be helped. These are nice aspects of being intimate.

In order to thrive, we need places to be intimate. We need to feel close to at least one person, one place to say the things we are kind of quiet about, things we often think of as our real selves.

Why am I intimate? What makes me feel close? How to I connect?

My public face is pretty cheery most of the time. I feel pretty cheery most of the time, but not always. Sometimes I get angry, or scared, or sad, or combinations of those things. I have a number of people I share those moments with. They tend to be my closest friends, and that intimacy serves me well in a whole buncha ways.

When I share my feelings with you, I often feel connected. If I am scared about something, telling you about my fears usually shifts them down into a less energetic state. I calm down. And because you care about me, I feel comforted.

When I tell you my histories, I often feel connected. Because I have told you something that happened to me, and given you a bit of information about how I am who I am, I feel more engaged with you. I feel like my experiences matter. This is a mark of friendship for me. I like to know about you.

When I am working with a teacher, my stories are almost irrelevant. My beliefs are way more important to address for my growth. Being able to let go of my stories, to know that they are just stories, gives me so much freedom to live my life in a way that supports me, and when I feel supported, I can support you so much better. I have resources to draw on, I have behavioral tools to pull out during interesting times. I own my power to impact my life in ways that make me grow, and it is easy, and relatively comfortable.

Having carefully handpicked my friends for their unbridled awesomeness means that I can see my own unbridled awesomeness much easier. I can assume it most of the time. I can take it as a given that my experience, my wisdom, my intimacy and joy will give me the foundation I need to take my life as it comes, and address with grace and joy whatever shows up.

Why do I choose to be positive? Why do I choose to be intimate? Why do I choose to enjoy?

Being intimate with our trustworthy friends, gauging our level of intimacy with less trustworthy people, using our judgment for when to say intimate stuff and when to be quiet helps us feel safe in the world. We know that we are strong, and competent, and capable, and have all the support we need as we need it, even if it is coming from unexpected sources.

Being intimate gives us experience trusting, and that allows us to trust both the universe more, and ourselves, that we will know what we need, and from whom we want it. Sometimes that doesn’t pan out, and we don’t feel cast adrift, but know that we will find out that we may need something other than what we thought, and we can be okay with that.

How have I changed from being closed off to opening my heart well and honestly?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 08082014

Nurturing Greatness

Just imagine how the world would be if we all were alive in our own greatness. Working on purpose, living in love and goodness, waking in the morning refreshed, joyful, eager to start our day full of health and happiness. Imagine spending your time doing things you love to do, with people you love to be around; learning, teaching, creating, enjoying.

And did you notice I said “greatness”? Not pretty-good-ness, or okay-ness, but greatness.

It’s one of the scariest things, the contemplation of our own potential greatness. Isn’t that strange? You’d think that we’d be champing at the bit to get there, but here we are instead, struggling to push the envelope of our okay-ness, or not-too-sucky-ness.

How do I know I am good enough? What makes me shine? How could I be great?

It’s so scary, we often can’t even imagine what it might look like. It’s so scary, we can barely figure out what we like, what we want.  Linus, in the Peanuts cartoon by Charles Schultz put it nicely, “There is no heavier burden than a great potential.”

Well, we have Creative Questions. That makes a huge difference. We can start by asking “Why am I good enough?” and then we can ask “How am I amazing? What makes me live on purpose?” And then we can ask, “How could I be great? Why would I be great? What makes me so great?”

How do you feel, asking those questions? Excited? Neutral? Bad?

When we remember that our emotions are our GPS pointing us to our path, we know what our Questions will be. If I feel neutral or even bad when I ponder my greatness, I may want to start asking some good Questions, reprogramming my unconscious mind with supportive, empowering questions.

I may want to ask Questions like, “How do I feel when I am great? What makes me great? How do I know what I want?”

Oh, yeah. How do I know what I want?  That is a question we start out asking. As infants, we know what we want, we just can’t articulate it very well. For many of us, as we get older, we learn to ignore what we want beyond material stuff. We may be told we are ridiculous for wanting that, or that we would only fail at it. Some of us decide we will show them, some of us give up, some of us decide to clean that stuff up, and just get on with growing up.

Sometimes, when we ask Questions like these, we find big resistance. We may get mad, or frustrated, and act that out by being dramatic. We may get depressed, and shut down, taking it out on ourselves. Sometimes we feel stuck or helpless, and that directs us to our power questions, Why am I strong? Why am I competent? What makes me capable?

I had the experience when I was young of being punished for being successful, so that’s one I have to be aware of. It’s much less strong now, and I like to think about it disappearing altogether. We often have stuff like that, hidden back in our youth. Resolving it will make stuff so much easier.

How have I changed from fearing my potential to nurturing my greatness?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 03292014

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Parasite Control

Parasite Control

Vengeance, retribution, settling the score, revenge, tit for tat, an eye for an eye, retaliation, maybe even justice.

What do you think about getting even?

Me, I don’t believe it’s possible.

Sometimes we do things that hurt each other. Sometimes we do it by accident, sometimes we do it on purpose. Sometimes it’s a small thing, sometimes it’s a really big thing. Sometimes we don’t even know we’ve done anything at all.

When I decide that you can make me feel stuff, I’m in trouble. I throw away my free will, and end up as helpless as a toddler in her playpen. Now, I am subject to the whims of people who may have no idea of the power I’ve given them. I perceive that I’m being hurt, or done wrong, and I lash out, looking to feel better, but it doesn’t happen.

After venting, I may feel relief. and I may think that relief feels better, but I still have that wrong you did me festering inside, and I will need to find relief from that over and over.

Since the hurt is inside me, I may find that I pull it out and rehearse it, nourishing it, fostering it, until it grows. Thing is, my resentments feed on me, parasites who consume my well-being for their survival.

In our society, in our communities, in our families, we have agreed on consequences for certain actions. In general, positive actions garner positive consequences, while negative actions result in negative consequences. When I trust that “what goes around comes around,” or that the Universe will provide, I can let go. I can release my resentments, and reclaim my power.

Why do I let go? How am I free? What makes me trust?

It’s kind of like resentments take up space in our psyches where we could hold resources, solutions, support, and love. When I let go of my resentments, I can let go of my story, too. It’s kind of surprising that I keep my resentments in my story, my story about how bad my life has been.

Why am I strong? What makes me competent? How am I capable?

When I nurture my resentments, I am coming from a place of fear, anger, guilt, blame, and worry. When I decide you have the power to make me crazy, or angry, or scared, or helpless, I give up my personal power. I am not saying that we should be reckless in dangerous situations, I am saying that we can choose to reclaim our power by attending to our good Creative Questions.

In every situation, we have a minimum of three choices. We can accept that this is how things are, let go into the flow of life, and find the lesson we are meant to learn. We can change the situation, by changing our thoughts, our behaviors. We can leave the situation and notice if we find ourselves in the same place again, a pattern for us. Sometimes one or two of those choices seems impossible, and we choose to respect our judgment, or, if we aren’t sure that our judgment is sound, then we go to our trustworthy advisors and check in with them.

How have I changed from feeding the parasite of resentment to choosing to own my power?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 03232014

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Powering Your Life

Powering Your Life

In the dark ages, I believed that there was nothing I could put my hand to that I couldn’t fail at. I had a lot of support for that notion, which made me try all the harder, and, while I was, more often than not, very successful, all I counted were the failures.

I’m still working on this one, although it has gotten a lot better.

Why am I capable?

As is often the case when we have stuff come up, it seems to have a lot to do with other people when it actually has to do with us; our attitudes, our beliefs, our convictions.

When I take responsibility for my life, when I decide to be a grownup, this is one of the things I will end up addressing over and over, wanting to place responsibility for my stuff on you. Sorry about that.

As long as I believe that you will decide if I am capable, I give you my power.

As long as I believe that you will decide if I am accomplished, I give you my power.

As long as I believe that you will decide if I am worthy, I give you my power.

Why do I choose my power?

One of the most important aspects of personal, and human, evolution is taking personal responsibility for our stuff.

Taking responsibility isn’t about blaming ourselves, it’s about saying, “Yes, I did that,” with my head held high, making amends if I can, and addressing the topic by whatever means I can find to resolve it.

When someone does something to me don’t like, my inclination  to blame them for being crummy to me makes me a victim. When I choose, even unconsciously, to be a victim, I deny my power, and start a spiral that can bring me down so fast my head will spin.

When someone does something in a manner I don’t like, and I take over, I am choosing, even unconsciously, to be a martyr, and I deny my power.

When I hold on tight to beliefs that hurt me, or people who don’t encourage my best self, or occupations that are unsatisfying, my stubbornness causes me to deny my power.

When I bend over backwards to try to satisfy you, please you, win your approval, I deny my power.

When I am acting from my power, your behavior will not trigger me. I respond to my surroundings, I respond to you, I choose my thoughts. I don’t cave in to pressure from the outside.

When I act from my power, I am naturally capable, competent, positive. I am naturally relaxed, peaceful, satisfied. I enjoy bliss and joy easily and frequently. Life is easy and fun.

How have I changed from denying my power to knowing I am capable?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 11012013

How to Use Your Sword of Power

How to Use Your Sword of Power

One of the many things I found baffling in the sorry days of yesteryear was the whole idea of personal power. It made no sense to me, mainly because I had no sense of it. Funny how that stuff goes.

You probably already get this, but I gotta say, it was a serious revelation to me. So let’s lift our Swords of Power and get going.

At the bottom of it all, we are each responsible for own selves. Whether we own and act on that responsibility is, of course, another matter.

I can’t actually give away my power. And you can’t take it from me.  (Oo, the victim inside me is getting pissed.)

What I do is choose to act as though you have my power. That choice is usually out of my consciousness, based on habits I established a long time ago when I was a little child and my access route to my personal power was just developing. People who had authority over me abused that authority, and royally screwed up my system.

The whos, whys, and wherefores of that don’t fundamentally matter. That’s story. It’s good to tell to get it out, so it’s not a secret, but the telling is not necessary to heal.

What matters is that I correct it.

Once I am an adult, you cannot victimized me. I victimize me in your name. You can be horrible to me, but I have the power to decide whether you will vanquish my spirit. You cannot get inside my mind, I create a version of me that looks like you inside my mind. Then I can blame that avatar, and then blame you, and I get to feel vindicated. Except that I feel like a powerless victim.

Oh, that made me so mad! I fought it for a long time. And when at last I accepted it, I felt such glorious freedom.

You cannot force me to join your rubber room party. If you are inviting me to feel crazy with you, I have to choose whether to go along.

I can choose to be clean and separate from your shenanigans. I can choose to be clean and separate from your anger, or fear, or madness. I can choose to leave, or to allow, or to change. Me, I can. I have the POWER!

How do I know I am powerful? How do I know I am responsible for me? What makes me grow up?

If I want more confidence, all I need to do is take more responsibility for how I feel, and realize that I can choose to think a thought, or not think a thought. This is part of what meditation does for us, and one of the best reasons to practice. I learn to allow my thoughts to flow, and not have to follow them, and if I do follow one, I learn to pull back to stillness, which is the source of our personal power.

When I own my power, I am confident. I don’t need to worry because I trust that I will know what to do as my life unfolds. When I own my power, it is easier for me to love you unconditionally because I know that you can’t make me. So I can let all that go, and open my heart to you.

How have I changed from feeling powerless to lifting my Sword of Power?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 09242013