Closing the Harbor of Resentments

Closing the Harbor of Resentments

I am continually amazed by how much unhappiness, misery, and suffering I can bring down on my own head. All by myself. It’s easy. I just have to think certain thoughts, believe certain things, act certain ways and I can suffer to my heart’s content. Isn’t that weird?

One beautiful example of this is resentments. Holding a grudge is a great way to feel crummy. Self-righteous, but crummy. The dynamic is really simple; it’s right in the word, ¨resent.¨ The word literally means to feel again, and that’s exactly what we have to do to harbor a resentment; feel it and feel it and feel it again. Oy!

Scientists say that most of our thoughts are both unconscious and routine. That is, we mostly think the same stuff over and over again and don’t even know we are doing it. I don’t know about you, but that freaked me out a little. I mean, I like to think that I know what I’m thinking.

We can get a pretty good idea of what we are unconsciously thinking by looking at our lives. We are living the results of those thoughts. Am I living a life I like? Or is the life I am living hard, or crummy, or full of misery and pain?

I get to choose what kind of a life I want, regardless of my circumstances. I start by paying attention to my thoughts and bringing those unsupportive, unconscious thoughts up to my conscious mind.

If I feel like I deserve justice for a hurt and that justice will make me feel better, chances are good that I am harboring a resentment. This keeps me stuck in the past. It makes enjoying my days more challenging. Feeling that hurt, re-feeling that hurt, takes a lot of energy.

Why do I forgive? How do I feel when I forgive? How do I naturally let go?

One of the super cool things about Creative Questions is that they work on our unconscious mind. The unconscious mind loves to find answers to things, and Creative Questions are very dynamic things.

As I have lived my most recent year, I have from time to time found myself resenting the bad things that have shown up in my body. I blame my body for making them. And then I don’t treat it well. Interesting how that works, isn’t it. When I notice that I am not eating, or taking my supps, or doing my loving movement, I know that I am re-feeling that blame. I change my bad creative questions for good Creative Questions.

Why am I interested in what I am learning about me? Why is this moment perfect for me? What makes me love being alive? Why would I embrace my circumstances?  How do I take care of myself?

By asking myself Creative Questions like these, I am giving my unconscious something else to do besides re-feeling that old hurt. This is a very effective way to let go. Catch the thought, change the thought. Feel good about taking care of you and your mind!

How have I changed from harboring resentments to choosing to be free?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2015 all rights reserved 08282015

Parasite Control

Parasite Control

Vengeance, retribution, settling the score, revenge, tit for tat, an eye for an eye, retaliation, maybe even justice.

What do you think about getting even?

Me, I don’t believe it’s possible.

Sometimes we do things that hurt each other. Sometimes we do it by accident, sometimes we do it on purpose. Sometimes it’s a small thing, sometimes it’s a really big thing. Sometimes we don’t even know we’ve done anything at all.

When I decide that you can make me feel stuff, I’m in trouble. I throw away my free will, and end up as helpless as a toddler in her playpen. Now, I am subject to the whims of people who may have no idea of the power I’ve given them. I perceive that I’m being hurt, or done wrong, and I lash out, looking to feel better, but it doesn’t happen.

After venting, I may feel relief. and I may think that relief feels better, but I still have that wrong you did me festering inside, and I will need to find relief from that over and over.

Since the hurt is inside me, I may find that I pull it out and rehearse it, nourishing it, fostering it, until it grows. Thing is, my resentments feed on me, parasites who consume my well-being for their survival.

In our society, in our communities, in our families, we have agreed on consequences for certain actions. In general, positive actions garner positive consequences, while negative actions result in negative consequences. When I trust that “what goes around comes around,” or that the Universe will provide, I can let go. I can release my resentments, and reclaim my power.

Why do I let go? How am I free? What makes me trust?

It’s kind of like resentments take up space in our psyches where we could hold resources, solutions, support, and love. When I let go of my resentments, I can let go of my story, too. It’s kind of surprising that I keep my resentments in my story, my story about how bad my life has been.

Why am I strong? What makes me competent? How am I capable?

When I nurture my resentments, I am coming from a place of fear, anger, guilt, blame, and worry. When I decide you have the power to make me crazy, or angry, or scared, or helpless, I give up my personal power. I am not saying that we should be reckless in dangerous situations, I am saying that we can choose to reclaim our power by attending to our good Creative Questions.

In every situation, we have a minimum of three choices. We can accept that this is how things are, let go into the flow of life, and find the lesson we are meant to learn. We can change the situation, by changing our thoughts, our behaviors. We can leave the situation and notice if we find ourselves in the same place again, a pattern for us. Sometimes one or two of those choices seems impossible, and we choose to respect our judgment, or, if we aren’t sure that our judgment is sound, then we go to our trustworthy advisors and check in with them.

How have I changed from feeding the parasite of resentment to choosing to own my power?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2014 all rights reserved 03232014

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