Responsibility and Blame

This has come up several times lately so I want to be very clear about my meaning of taking  responsibility.

The difference between the idea that something is my fault and something is my responsibility is huge.

With fault, there is blame. There is a negative moral judgment attached to blame, there is no judgment attached to taking responsibility.

We always make the best decisions we can in any situation. Sometimes we decide something that we know is going to go badly. We may be making that decision based on some stinkin’ thinkin’ so it might not get us good results. When we change that thinking, we will make different decisions, and will get results that move us where we want to go. When we understand this, we can let go of a lot of guilt, anger, fear and blame.

When I am feeling stuck, my first impulse is often to look at what you are doing to hold me down. You may be sitting on my chest, but you can’t sit on my thoughts unless I allow it. If I think of you as my jailer, I am jailed. If I own my freedom, a tiny cell will only hold my body, my spirit can soar.

Blame, fault finding and struggle  come up for me because I am asking bad creative questions. Remember, a Creative Question has a result built into the question. What is wrong with me? Why does my life suck? Why does everyone take advantage of me? Why does everything always go wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Why am I always so miserable? Why can’t I get any help? Why is everything so hard?

Oy.

When I decide that I alone am responsible for my well being, I start asking questions that have solid, strong, positive answers built in. Why am I strong? How do I know I am capable? What makes me competent? Why can I thrive? How have I changed from rehearsing my troubles to resolving my situations?

Ah. Better.

When those questions seem too impossible, I can add the words “would” or “could” and make them softer. How could it be easy? Why would I be strong?

Creative Questions work in our unconscious minds. We don’t need to worry about answers to my good questions, they are in there. But sometimes, I get a resounding “no!” When that happens, I can notice that answer and ask the Question again. I do that over and over, and notice how the answers will shift. It is best when I’m working with a particular question to write it out, on paper, with a pen or pencil. Writing on paper engages our whole self, while typing, though maybe faster or easier for some of us, doesn’t engage us the same way.

As long as I remember that I can think the thoughts I choose when I need to, I can change my sense of being stuck, or trapped, or doomed, and bring myself back to my natural life of joy, peace, and satisfaction.

How have I changed from buying the blame to choosing to take responsibility for myself?

(c) Pam Guthrie all rights reserved 2014 03222014.1

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